My parents have somehow been married for 22 years now and according to my dad, it's pretty much been down the hole ever since my sister and I were born. My mom has many...issues such as OCD and anger problems as well as the whole "blamer" thing going on and is always supicious of my father. My dad also has a very bad temper which doesn't help as well as depression (from what he claims got it because of my mom). They always fight over the stupid things, and it's each and every day they do it, forgive each other, and then do it again. They've been in marriage therapy for a few years and it doesn't help at all. I almost wish they would get divorced so I wouldn't have to deal with it. Even if I talk to them about this, they'll just say "ok" but will get angry the next day. I'm an adult now, but I don't know what to do.
2007-10-25 16:28:44 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its unfortunate, but there's nothing really you can do, unless you and your sister have an intervention with them. Tell them how you guys feel and don't leave until they have resolved their anger issues. And if they don't want to, then tell them to get divorced because it kills you to see them fight like animals every single day. It's not healthy for them nor you.
But sometimes it just not meant to be. And if its not, then let it be. They'll both be better off. They might only be together for the sake of you two. So talk to them.
2007-10-25 16:38:14 · answer #1 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to "Some Female's" advice. It's wrong.
So what if you are an adult, does that mean you STOP loving and caring about your parents, their feelings, their marriage and their well-being. I sure hope not. That's immature and selfish if you do.
Plus, as an adult my parents divorced. It was messy and stressful. I was a mess too. As an adult, I was fully aware of EVERYTHING that was going on. I learned things about my parents marriage that I NEVER knew as a child. They have that saying, "it's better not to know." I learned the true meaning of that situation.
Plus, as a young adult. You have a lot of family obligations. If you get married, how do you explain your parent's "interesting and unique" relationship to your new in-laws, when your parents start screaming at each other at the rehearseal dinner.
I would suggest going with them to counseling or talking to the counselor privately. As someone NOT in the marriage, you see things differently and more rationally. This insight, could be a break through in therapy and offer new ideas and issues.
2007-10-25 16:41:15 · answer #2 · answered by J'adore 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents are going through the same thing. Halloween, they'll be married for 30 years! I can't believe it! About 5 years ago, my mom told me that they have been talking about divorce for a long time and wanted to wait until my sister and I graduated from high school. I wasn't really shocked... just kinda felt weird because I thought that my parents were perfect. They never fought infront of us or anything. They go back and forth... holding hands and kissing one day and then the next day my mom is cleaning out the attic and garage to get ready to sell the house. My dad has "affairs" over the internet while my mom goes to work and comes home to cook dinner for herself and him if he hasn't already eaten. I've never felt comfortable talking to them about it and I feel that it's their business, not mine. If they do, they do... if they don't, they don't. Since they've been married for so long, they've just grown comfortable with their lives. There are so many things to consider before they get a divorce because they've been together and have accumulated so much. I'm just glad I was born.
2007-10-25 16:46:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do, and the only person you can control is yourself. Remember that for future reference.
Did you ever hear the saying "love hate relationship" ? Some people actually live this way, and they are comfortable with it.. argue one day, make up and then go at it all over again, just to make up.. over and over and over, like a broken record.
Your father's depression could be from the situation, or it could be a chemical imbalance... it's hard to tell.. he needs to see a doctor.
If therapy has not worked for your parents, then they HAVE NOT WORKED THE PROGRAM. It's simple as that.. it takes a lot of effort and work for change to occur in our lives, and if you don't work at it, or want it, then why bother?
2007-10-25 16:36:21 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally happend to me.Yes I wanted the whole thing over.Later I wish I had that stucture back.We had so much! Money and cars and clothes and mom was the same way.Honestly it will happen sooner than later.I hope for you they can stay a structure for the kids.I persoanlly lost the love of my life being judged by his mom that I came from a broken home.In a way glad I was brought to being poor to understand what that was.It was a blessing but no divorce is never the solution,Just a power trip.I am sorry you are going threw this.My heart goes to you.Be so strong and focuss on education.
2007-10-25 16:39:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're an adult, why are you still dealing with it? Move out and visit when you feel like dealing with their crap.
It does sound like your dad is correct and your mom had an onset of mental illness after giving birth, that's a very common thing about pregnancy that women are not told. If women knew what pregnancy does to the body and the mind, no one would get pregnant! I know and begged my partner to get a vasectomy. What does that mean for you? Well, your dads depression is probably from the negative enviroment your mother creates, so you don't need to worry about inheriting the insanity.
2007-10-25 16:34:19 · answer #6 · answered by some female 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like they have gotten into the habit of fighting and don't know how to stop. Their are some good groups anymore for OCD and if you get her involved in something like that it may help perhaps. I posted a link below where she may be able to find support groups in her area.
Perhaps if she starts to get help it may improve the relationship between them - perhaps he is depressed by her disease and not willing to admit it for fear of appearing weak.
If that doesn't help you may try to convince them perhaps to try a trial separation and ultimately divorce if they can't live together peacefully but after this long they may enjoy the fighting and not want the separation or divorce. Good luck to you and my sympathy for being caught in the middle of this.
2007-10-25 17:07:19 · answer #7 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
parents marriage failing
2016-02-03 09:24:57 · answer #8 · answered by Nadia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somehow, they must love each other or they would call it quits since you kids are grown. Or maybe it's just habit and it's the way they choose to live. Your mother has mental problems and, perhaps, your father does, too. Just keep yourself mentally fit. See a therapist if you need to sort this out. Love them both for who they are, and forgive them for being human and having problems. Let them work it out.
2007-10-25 16:35:06 · answer #9 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you to do? Nothing. Aparently, they have issues beyond just marital ones...psychological ones. Until they have those fixed, there is no fixing a marriage. You are an adult and this is their issue, not yours. Sorry, but those are the facts.
2007-10-25 16:33:43 · answer #10 · answered by CC 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋