My husband takes more candle light baths than I do. I think my whole life I've had 3. He takes them probably once a month. I just feel like its a wasted of time. I have so much to do, I don't have time to take a candle light bath. So I get mad when he takes one. I know that anger is a secondary emotion. My primary emotion is Jealousy I guess. If anyone takes one, shouldn't it be me???? I feel like he is ALWAYS taking a candle light bath. Urgh....! Is he gay? Surely not. Can someone tell me something.... anything? Please. Just give me your thoughts on my thoughts. I just can't keep it in. Should I tell him how I feel about it? Or should I brush it away? HELP!!
2007-10-25 16:09:21 · 13 answers · asked by thezookeeper 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
He takes a candlelight bath maybe once per month and and it seems like he is taking them ALL the time? Obviously you are angry about other things and displacing your anger onto his baths.
Maybe you feel that you are working all the time and he is not doing his share. The bath is just an example of a larger issue in your relationship, like you are getting the short end of the stick here. So, perhaps its time to have a discussion with him about how you are feeling, in order to achieve a more fair division of labor around the house.
However, it is possible that you both work your rear-end off, and you resent that life is so hard. If that's the case, then maybe you need to discuss "Gee, honey, I feel like life is all work all the time. How can we have more fun? I think if you just complain about his baths that won't go over well. But if you discuss these larger issues with him, then he is not the culprit, and he will be more open with you.
2007-10-25 16:38:04 · answer #1 · answered by Pat K 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is how he unwinds. Some people use drugs and alcohol. Some people have retail therapy, and some people meditate. Some folks use journals to help them relax and some people exercise. You get the point. So your husband takes a nice hot bath to chill.
Just a thought: instead of resenting him for this and using the excuse that you are too busy to waste your time doing that, why don't you check your attitude at the door and climb in with him for some special bonding and relaxing time.
You are lucky and I bet their are many women who would love to have your problem. Finding their man in a nice warm bath. You need to check your attitude, put things on hold and the phone, and have some quality time with your man. If your kids are a problem make arrangements for them to go to grandma's or a sitters or a friend. Think of this as an investment in your marriage instead of a waste of time, because if you don't want to do that, some other woman will be glad to take him off your hands.
So yes, you are being ridiculous. But it's okay to vent. That's what we're here for?
2007-10-25 16:17:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes moms have a lot of responsibilities, yes you are a little controlling of the household methinks, yes you are a little tightly wound over this. It's good that you have this to be concerned about and not what I've read in other rooms this evening. Life is short, take candle lit baths together and be happy you have a husband and beautiful children.
2007-10-25 18:18:55 · answer #3 · answered by Isis 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he has the time to take candle lit bathes, then why shouldn't he (since he enjoys it) just because YOU don't have the time? It's not HIS fault that YOU don't have the time to take such bathes. There no reason for you to get angry at him. If you're going to get angry, it should be at the things that prevent you from having the time to take your own candle lit bathes.
It sounds like you're mad at him simply because you're jealous that he has the free time to take candle lit bathes when don't. If he has more free time than you, then good for him. It's not like he's purposely having more free time to upset you. if the tables were turned and you had more free time than him, would you expect him to be mad at you because he's busy? I hope not.
2007-10-25 16:24:01 · answer #4 · answered by egn18s 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would bet it's neither jealousy nor anger, but rather resentment that you are feeling, and I say that resentment is the 'cancer of emotions'.
You cannot control what he does (and if you try, he will end up resenting you) so you will have to go the other route:
Take more candle-lit baths.
Oh, and if he was gay, there would be a rather obvious way to tell...
2007-10-25 18:05:46 · answer #5 · answered by Bye for now... 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why that would upset you! It's nice just to be alone for a while, in a comfortable tub, in a quiet place. It's not like he's addicted to something -expensive-. It's not like he's cheating on you or anything.
My SO likes her comforts too. Some days she feels like sitting and reading a book or doing a jigsaw puzzle, and when I see the book or the puzzle I know she doesn't want to be bothered, so I go do something else. I go for day-long motorcycle rides on weekends, just to get away, to clear my head, and she doesn't mind. We all need our space, right?
If it bothers you I guess you should talk to him about it so at least he knows how you feel. But I have to tell you, I think it's a silly thing to be bothered over.
2007-10-25 16:15:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is odd for a man to like such a thing so much. Nevertheless we all need to decompress at times no matter what the method. Relax and leave him be, look on it as solo time for you to decompress as well.
It's a shame you two don't share enough closeness to bathe together at least once in a while...
2007-10-25 16:30:55 · answer #7 · answered by Oxl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
my husband used to do the same thing! then I realized that I just didn't take the time to take baths because I felt so overwhelmed by the responsibilities with the kids and dinner and whatever else needed to be done that day. men have an easier time taking time for themselves without feeling the guilt that we feel. we need to take the time to treat ourselves!
2007-10-25 16:16:26 · answer #8 · answered by montanagirl111 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what do you like to day take some time out for your self and do something that is self calming,maybe you won't be so angry at him. While he is taking a hot bath, grab his wallet and go shopping. It always works for me!
2007-10-25 16:40:17 · answer #9 · answered by ynvangel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hide the candles!
2007-10-25 16:21:12 · answer #10 · answered by bushnana 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋