I have been married for only 10 months. I found out by checking my husband's phone that he and this girl have been meeting to "watch football" on Monday nights when I am at work. The problem is that he lied to me and told me he has been watching football "with the boys" whenever I see him when I get off of work. It's not like they are old friends, either; they had only met through mutual friends in the past twice, and only recently, her # has just appeared in his contacts. I feel it is inappropriate and disrespectful to me for a married man to take a single or married woman out for drinks, dinner OR football, and especially to lie about it after. I left her a message & she called me back and said that she knew we were married, but had no idea that he was keeping their time together secret and that she would definitely not hang out with him/call him again. There are plenty of his guy friends that love football that he can hang out with. Why do you think he is acting this way?
2007-10-25 15:42:26 · 34 answers · asked by momo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm glad you caught this before it went much further.
ask yourself.
Do I love this man? do I trust this man? will I want to spend the rest of my life with this man? Does he love me enough to keep our marriage vows sacred?
if you can satisfy your mind that all is well and that he will NEVER EVER, EVER DO THAT TO YOU AGAIN!!!!
Then love this man forever. maybe he is just a fool and made a mistake or maybe he really did have something else on his mind.
15 years ago I made a mistake and kissed another woman.
I'd been married for 5 years and had two kids. the other woman was my sister-in-law. we were living with the in-laws and she and I were not being very smart about what we called innocent flirting. one night she showed up downstairs just after I'd showered and tried to seduce me. when I sent her back upstairs she looked hurt and dejected. I dressed and went up to say sorry and to talk it out so nothing more would happen. that's when she grabbed me and planted one on me. I admit now that I liked it but I was horrified and after all of that. she told the family that I attacked her. I got slapped in the face by the mom-in-law and the wife wanted a divorce. the father in law was the only one who believed me. he tried to talk sense into the family but no one would listen. finally she met with the church leader and the truth came out.
I now have been married 20 years and the wife still has trust issues. I work my butt off to prove my love. but the pain will always be in her heart. I feel for you and wish you the best in your decision.
Families can be forever if your willing to love and forgive.
2007-10-25 16:06:07 · answer #1 · answered by thedadof7 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was inappropriate on his part but I suspect that he thought of her as only someone to watch football with and didn't tell you because of fear how you would react especially since the other girl had no idea that he was keeping their time together secret. Perhaps his guy friends all drink to the point they act like jerks when they drink and he doesn't want any part of that.
On the other hand, he may have hoped that eventually it might lead to more. the only thing you can really do at this point is to watch and see what happens next or try to get transferred to the same shift he is on, or he transfers to your shift so that you are both working at the same time and off at the same time in order to spend more time together. I hope for your sake that it was just the two of them watching football and nothing else.
2007-10-25 15:58:15 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This behavior of your hubbys is not only inappropriate it should not be tolerated! Does he realize he is even married? I mean come on, this sounds like a man who has no respect for his marital relationship with you and you just may have made a huge mistake in picking him as your husband, and I wouldnt say that unless I meant it. This guy just crossed many lines and trust issues, he not only went behind your back and kept secrets he also lied, which to me is the worst thing about the whole situation. I dont know how you could ever trust this man again? And I do know why he is acting this way, because this is who he is! This is his charactor, and get used to it, cause it wont change soon, dont get me wrong, Im not saying he,s a bad guy or anything, but he is a bad choice for a husband, It just sounds like you married a guy who wasnt ready for a commitment as huge as marriage, I mean the proof is all in his actions, and trust actions not words, now with that said, do you trust your husband ?
2007-10-25 16:11:32 · answer #3 · answered by penelope 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't mean any disrespect nor do I want to hurt you...BUT...your man is treading in dangerous waters! Even if they started out being buds that enjoy sports, he has no business hanging out with her when you aren't there in their company. As far as lying about it, that says there is something to hide. I don't care what he says. He's lying because he knows it's not right and therefore, how are you to trust anything he tells you? I would sit down with my man and speak from the heart. It either is or it isn't there and then act accordingly. It may not turn out the way you planned but at least you've got less than a year invested. Take it seriously! Make sure he does, too! Be strong and stand tall. You are the one with a backbone...so press on! Life nor love is for sissy's!!!
2007-10-25 15:51:35 · answer #4 · answered by enjoyrselves 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he probably is just lonely but i would talk to him about it and find out why he is seeing this other woman and what could ya'll do together to make it right and that you wont more respect from him and for him to consider youre feelings before doing this if he loves you he wouldnt lie to you and hide things from you and no a married man shouldnt be spending time with another woman whether its innocent or not because it can always turn into something else good luck
2007-10-25 15:58:47 · answer #5 · answered by lil momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not many reasonable people would believe that you do not have sex with these men but they give you money. What is it that they actually pay for? You husband needs to know too. It is not a very trustworthy job and to call it a career is overstating the concept. Why not discuss the issue honestly with your husband whom you obviously do not love or respect at all, and come to some agreement. Perhaps get another job where you do not go round comparing him to your clients.
2016-03-13 06:48:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh no no no my dear!!! I would not be in a relationship with this male as he has lied to you, broken your trust and I can almost defintiely guarantee he has and is cheating as they are not already friends and she is definitely giving him something for them to continue being so close. I think you deserve better and for him to hide this from you is not a relationship built on trust and without trust you have nothing. i am so sorry that you have been married a short while and this happened but at least its better than being married 15 years to find out he has a whole other wife and kids...this happened to my friend. I dont know why is seeking companionship, maybe because you are not around when he needs you, maybe he wants more from a woman, maybe he gets bored or is just a prick. I think you deserve better babe and should not put up with this. He is a cheating liar.
2007-10-25 15:48:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
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2014-09-01 03:35:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-02-03 09:24:01 · answer #9 · answered by Nadia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well there could have been a number of reason:
1) he knew you would over react so he just kept there friendship a secret.
2) He's a dog.(liar and cheater)
At least she was not a b---- to you and respected you to just say ok I will not call him anymore. Maybe it was harmless for the fact he did tell her he was married.
then I could be wrong.
good luck the best thing to do is talk to him sensible.
2007-10-25 15:49:23 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋