All, especially feminists: How do you keep the balance between giving up gender roles and staying feminine?

Question

I don't see a conflict between strength and femininity myself, but I also believe strongly in certain gender roles and my man being the head of my household. The stereotype is that feminists are manly---so how does one keep the balance between staying feminine while giving up gender roles?

OK. I would appreciate it if feminists defined "femininity" also.

Answer 1

I try not to buy into gender roles and stereotypes while maintaining my feminine allure or demeanor. I am cultivating what Rosa Parks called "quiet strength," and I realize, as I have been told, that I have a natural sensuality about me that is never obvious and always classy. I raise my voice or get "tough" only when I have to. I do pretty much what I want to do: I teach, I lead, I speak out, I direct, etc. But I do it all as a woman, with a woman's touch, with feminine energy, valuing feelings, intuition, teamwork, community and relationships right along with getting the job done. When and where approp. I am also very affectionate. At times I can be a bit of a tomboy, esp. when hanging out with male friends, fishing, at sports events, playing in the park, etc. But, once again, I maintain my womanliness. (I am such a Scorp. )

Answer 2

Lioness this is a great question. It seems so hard to not follow some of the roles/dogma/doctrine that is out there. I like to rant about the gendrification of little girls. Have you been to the "Pink Isle" at Walmart, or Toys R Us? It is the total sell of the "Princess" fairytale to little girls - rather to the parents that want a little feminine creature.

I am borrowing a line from Myth Busters here.. but "I reject your reality and substitute my own".

Femininity is what defines you as a womanly being. It is a power-wielding, sensuous, Strong-but-gracious energy that stems from your very core.

I must state in dis-accord with an earlier post because I do not agree that a feminist is a nad-busting-man-hater on the whole. This is not to say that there are not a few sisters out there ready to mow down a chauvinist. :-) I would prefer to think of myself as a feminist that enjoys enticing, holds her own, and graciously accepts it when a door is opened for me -(even though I am definitely NOT concerned I may break a nail) Grace and strength together... that's what make us feminists wanted and respected.

Answer 3

I do what the first poster said to do.. To forget about it and just be yourself.

To me, there's nothing particularly feminine about being a SAHM, or having a man being the head of the household, or whatever.. To me those things are meaningless.

If you call a woman shaving her legs and armpits or styling her hair or just making herself look nice gender roles, then those I follow.

I mean, I'm not the type of person that tries to act "manly" but I don't try to act feminine either, what's the point in trying to act a certain way?

The biggest problem I have with gender roles is that they're usually forced.

Answer 4

I suppose it's just a matter of awareness. I can take an hour and a half to get ready, but at least I know why I'm doing it, whereas before I learned about feminism, it just seemed natural, normal, etc. (Okay, well it still does feel natural, but I have a better understanding of my gender performativity and I'm aware that I feel valued for my looks and all that annoying stuff.)

As for you, I think you can channel your "feminist strength" or find a balance in your life by being aware that you don't HAVE to have a male head of household - this is a choice you've made, and a choice that you're allowed to make.

I understand your concern, though. I've felt the feminist guilt before too. :)

Answer 5

Haha, I like the quote from MythBusters.
I'm sure to the outside world I appear like the traditionally "perfect woman:" I am quite introverted, a wonderful listener, I don't really speak until spoken to (unless I am really close to someone), I am warm, friendly, and kind, and I have a penchant for very feminine clothing. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing sweats or athletic shoes outside of a gym. I have always attributed those qualities in myself to my personality, nothing more, nothing less, and not my gender (aside from the girly clothes, of course). The mere notion of defining my actions, thoughts, and relationships by my gender is as silly to me as defining your actions, thoughts, and relationships by what race you are. I am who I am, and if society wants to deem my behavior as feminine, then have at it. I won't be putting such restrictions on myself or anyone around me.

Answer 6

I tend not to worry about gender roles much anymore and I have no problem staying feminine.

Answer 7

I don't really think in terms of feminity or masculinity. I just want to be myself and if I'm feminine in some areas and masculine in others, then that's fine. At least I don't subscribe to gender roles so much that I nag my husband into fixing leaky faucets or tightening loose screws, which are household tasks that I'm perfectly capable of doing myself.

Answer 8

boy don't we live in a fun world!!
I am love being a woman I love being feminine soft, alluring sweet, evil, loving, kind, crafty. I love that a wink and a sigh will get you alot farther than screaming and game playing.
I am having a very hard time in a world where people don't know who to be and are afraid that they no longer have power.
I think first we must embrace ourselves good bad ect to know what you want and who you are to find your power whether it be in bed, in an office or in the home. Just because you want the man to be "head of house hold" does not mean that either person has less power just different power.
its amazing that in our day in age where we can be whatever we want to be that we don't know what we want to be, how sad.
what is sadder still is that we still want approval from the "general" populace when our freedoms are so we can be whatever we want with out fear of disapproval.

Answer 9

To me, feminism means that you are trying to tell every guy around you %^$# off and let me be me and I can do anything that you can, including peeing standing up!!!!".

If that is the feminism that you are talking about, so you pee standing up, thats ok, no one told you that you can't. Even though so many women think that the world is about that, its not correct anymore. What you feel about you is the way it is and thats all that is important. You are a woman. PERIOD. You can chose to do whatever you want with your body and there is no man that can stop you. You will attract the people that like what you have decided you are. If you want to have a man that is the head of the household and you are at home, doing whatever you do that is fine. Find one that doesn't think you are supposed to be at home barefoot and pregnant and marry him.

In my home, my wife stays at home and teaches and supports the kids. I expect nothing of her but to help me to take care of OUR family. She chose when she wanted to be pregnant with OUR children and she chose to stay home while I work to pay the bills. She is no less a woman than she thinks she is and its not feminism. If she chucked it all tomorrow to get a job because she felt that was what she needed to fulfill herself, then I'm all for it.

Its not about giving up gender roles if you are happy with the outcome...oh. and she could whoop my *** if she wanted to. I'd let her:-)

Answer 10

Let's find a dictionary definition:

fem·i·nin·i·ty (plural fem·i·nin·i·ties)
noun
Definition:

1. conventionally feminine quality: the quality of looking and behaving in ways conventionally THOUGHT to be appropriate for a woman or girl

2. conventional IDEA about women: a manner or feature commonly attributed to women

I couldn't possibly care less about what others think is appropriate for a woman or girl. I don't care what manners or features they deem appropriate, and which they deem innapropriate.

It's just window-dressing, so who cares? In the grand scheme of things, what does it matter?

Obsessing over this crap is a HUGE time-waster. Just do what you need to do; it is, after all, YOUR life. If people don't like it, tell them to kiss your *** and to mind their own business.

It's that simple.
Cheers!