My wife is a loving person but i seem to be coming in second to everything and everybody. Now don't get me wrong now i don't mind coming in second to my kids but i shouldn't have to come in second to anybody or anything after that. When i ask her to do anything for me it's like it's a chore for her to do and she doesn't really want to do. I'm getting fed up and i don't want to cheat because that will cause more problems. Can someone help me? Please!!
2007-10-25 13:47:54 · 21 answers · asked by Albert W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So far your answers haven't been very encouraging,huh. This is a real problem and it's no fun going through this. No one likes to play second fiddle. IT's not fair to you, but,at least you are trying to find ways to correct it. Good man!
The very first source to go to honey, is you. Make sure you do a self check list and if you pass then you go to step two. Here we go. Ready? What did you do to win her heart? Are you still doing it? Did you treat her like she was queen of the hill? Are you still doing it? Were you tender, attentive and compassionate to her? Are you still? Did you deeply respect her in all areas? Do you still? I am a firm believer that what ever you do to win a lovers heart you should do to keep your lovers heart. Oft times after the dotted line has been signed there seems to be a tendency for couples to get the 'I gotcha now' syndrome and THAT my dear leads to trouble. If the things you did then, were good enough to win that heart, at what point did it stop being important enough to keep it? Not just you,,,,,,but both of you. An awful lot of men let work get in the way,women let housework and the children get in the way. All of a sudden you realize you are both going in opposite directions,,,,,what happened? Stuff got in the way honey. Maybe she has been feeling the same way you do. Have you talked to each other about it? Communication,,,,it is truely a valuable part of marriage and to be treasured. If the marriage has collected a little dust, it's time to change it before it gets worse. Go over your check list, go over it again and if you find ant errors, correct them now. Women are suckers for attention, we love it. Honestly,,,,,,,,,,,,,,men do to, they just won't admit it as quickly. While jobs,homes and kids are a very important part of our lives, these very things can ruin a good marriage. Find that balance in them and your life will flow easier. I think it takes a big man and one who is tender to do what you are doing. My hubby of 28 years is a real big tuff guy, takes no junk off of anyone but when it comes to me,it's that tender side that has kept us close. It shows he has a heart and 'manhood' didn't snuff it out. He's my gentle giant. We still hold hands,go out on dates,cuddle and enjoy the hell out of each other. Togetherness,,,,,,,,the longer, the better. Tomorrow when you come home from work sneak a rose in and lay it on her pillow. Watch her excitement.
2007-10-25 14:32:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, you really just need to get someone's attention first so that you CAN talk to them. A lot of people would just say whatever they feel at the moment and say that "I was being honest." It sounds as if you really have a good relationship and you are protecting your family by asking for help. You make it sound like she's pretty busy. Instead of beating her up with your needs, try first considering her wants. She might appreciate some extra help with housework and the kids, you could run her a bubble bath and light candles. If you play the understanding, loving role, you will get a lot more of her attention and it would be in a positive way.When was the last time she had a day for herself or the two of you had a night without the children. Arrange it.
She probably does not mean to do what is making you feel this way, but often if you can maintain strong connections and intimacy, the rest will work itself out in time. Instead of saying "You don't put me first." Why not say, "I miss you."
2007-10-25 14:10:10 · answer #2 · answered by bonnieboobabe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication, Communication, Communication. It sounds like you two have really got some issues. I am glad that you know that cheating would make it worse, so my response is why even think it. It is not like your wife is driving you to cheat, it would be your choice. Go to counseling with a professional or at church. There are many places available that work on any type of income. If you want to save your marriage then try to save it! Don't just look for something that is going to make you feel better temporarily. If you cheat then you will still end up divorced eventually, only now you will have committed infidelity. All around not a good plan. I really have faith that you can work it out with your wife. You have kids envolved and they depend on you. Go get help with this problem and it has to be a two way street. She has to be just as committed as you. Good Luck man, I really Hope that it works out for you.
2007-10-25 14:03:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Cheating will not make you any happier! Your wife sounds like a busy person & she just feels comfortable with you. My advise would be for you to plan a romantic dinner at home...get a babysitter cook her a meal or do take out (if you can't cook) & have some alone time to talk. Tell her how much she means to you! I'm sure she will return the favor after all the effort you put in & make you feel like #1!!! Good Luck!
2007-10-25 14:04:41 · answer #4 · answered by QTpie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she's a loving person...why are you thinking about cheating on her? Just ask her to behave the way she did at the beginning of your relationship and promise that you'll do the same. Sometimes couples start to go in opposite directions because of a hectic life, their jobs, children, family or financial problems, everyday stress, etc.
2007-10-25 14:09:38 · answer #5 · answered by MiaMonique 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok look, I know I am not going to get best answer for this or anything and my answer here probably has a whole lot to do with some of the crap that is going on in my own life...but I am so SICK and tired of people WHINING and complaining about how they AREN'T happy because SOMEONE ELSE hasen't done this or that for them.
MY GOD! Is your wife your freaking cruise director? Is her EXPRESS PURPOSE IN LIFE to make you feel like a "valued guest" in your own stinking life???
I got news for you buddy, LOOK AROUND!!
She does put you first--by putting your KIDS first...it is YOUR JOB to keep up the marriage if YOU aren't happy. SO, friend...Why don't you put HER first? Why don't you get off of your whining and complaining butt and take her out on a date--a REAL date, not a lazy one...and remind her WHY she should bill you as top priority....!?!?
I mean, she deals with kids whining and complaining all day you think she wants to deal with a grown man doing the same thing?? She is probably looking for a little adult non-selfish inteaction....
Your suggestion that you would CHEAT if you can't figure out how to get her to make you important shows how truly out of touch you are with your wife and I don't blame her ONE BIT for prefering others to you. WHO WANTS A GROWN UP CHILD in addition to the other ones?
BE a MAN, step up to the plate and make a change in your OWN life and your marriage, quit waiting for someone else to do it for you--honor your commitment, be a partner to your WIFE--NOBODY has HER happiness in mind as long as you are concerned about your own...so why should she give a crap about yours??
2007-10-25 14:10:00 · answer #6 · answered by joellemoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her. How you think cheating will solve your problems i'll never know that will only make matters worse. Your wife sounds like she puts the needs of others before the needs of herself thats not a bad thing.How would you feel if she was completely shelfish and only thought of herself you'd be moaning about that too. Sit her doen and talk to her tell her how you feel but don't cheat on her you'll end up losing her then.
2007-10-25 14:00:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
My (ex) husband (who was an "Albert W"} felt second to everything too... my job, my parents, my kids, my alone time etc. However, I never knew he felt this way... I also felt the same way... We divorced because of our lack of communication... You need to talk about it if you want to work it out..
but if you are going to cheat?? then you need to go... that isn't fair to her or the one your are cheating with....
2007-10-25 14:01:45 · answer #8 · answered by Miss Kelly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all many people saw it in your answer that you want to cheat... When you said you don't. People just do not listen.
Do you listen? Your wife is telling you something that you should be able to understand, but you don't.
What is you want her to do that you can not do yourself?
Grow up and do things for yourself and for others.
2007-10-25 14:10:05 · answer #9 · answered by cloud7 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do some of these people insist that you want to cheat when it clearly states you don't?I wonder how much of the question they actually read. Kind of makes it hard to take their advice, huh.
2007-10-25 14:33:55 · answer #10 · answered by renamed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋