We got married when we were teenagers and rushed into starting a family. The first year was rough he had an affair but we moved past it. Over the next few years it was an on and off thing..Id leave him for a week and go home or vice versa. We went through 2 deployments to Iraq, had to kids, and dealt with an alcohol addiction, but lately I just feel like we are fight a war that can't be won. It seems like something is always against us. We decided to seperate before his last deployment and the first few months were hard but then I started to move on...went back to school and learned to depend on myself I also met someone we arent anything more then friends but i do want more and my husband came home from iraqthe other day and he wants to give us another try and i want to for our kids and because our vows meant something to me, but im scared to give up everything i have now for us to just fail once again...what would you guys do?
2007-10-25 13:10:34 · 14 answers · asked by xundefinedbeauty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
what i would be giving up is school and my job to move back to where he is stationed. I will only leave my kids with family members so working and school is hard to do with no family around and he also doesn't approve of my friends...since we got married he didnt want me talking to few friends and now ive rebuilt a friendship with them and would hate to lose them
2007-10-25 13:38:34 · update #1
end it ...you r gettin older ...time to be happy....
2007-10-25 13:14:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why do you have to give up anything other then your male friend. Are you saying your husband won't let you do anything on your own if that is the case i would put my foot down and tell him what you want from this marriage and what you will do and will not do and stick to your guns girl. Once you had a taste of freedom and taking care of yourself you can't go backwards. He sees the stronger woman in you and he likes that. What ever is best for your kids that is what you should do.
2007-10-25 13:30:54 · answer #2 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be going through a rough time I feel for you.
Regarding you husband, to me he sounds very immature from his actions, he does not care who hurts if it's the children or you. I would have a heart to heart talk with him him and tell him that you can not live this way anymore for your sake and the children's. He needs to make a commitment to you that he wants to work on the marriage. If he agrees then both of you should get counselling. You can give this last try and if he fails you need to move on with your life.
2007-10-25 13:20:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have put up with a whole lot more than I would ever have done. A guy like that lives by the motto, "I do not change for anyone"
You have been through so much already, try and find someone who will love you back. I am currently in a wonderful relationship and could never possibly imagine going through all that you just described, it would break my heart.
2007-10-25 13:17:24 · answer #4 · answered by Wylie Dun 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
stay in school stay where your at, u had problems with him before this, and he sounds very controlling. go visit him see how he acts, talk to him ask questions, and if u see no changes in him don't undo what u have now for someone you have had a bad time with anyway. continue school and job and if he doesn't agree i would not go back to him. if your just doing it for the kids it won't work because u will only end up feeling resentful and hurt especially if u give up school now. it could fail again, it could work, but that's something u don't know.
2007-10-25 14:11:25 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he doing everything to make it work? Is he trying? You seem like you really care about him and you're thinking about your children. You're confused and that's normal. However, you met this other person and you seem interested in him. One day, when you're by yourself, just sit down and think it over. With all the stuff that happened it's hard to make a decision. Otherwise, if you really can't make a decision, you may want to try counseling. You have to do what's best for yourself and your children.
2007-10-25 13:21:42 · answer #6 · answered by goldenmoon27 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are in an situation wherein you still are in the stage of adjustment...
as you said, you started young, everything else will be different once you get matured...
there's no harm in trying...try to resolve problems in the past and move on....
give it another shot...not only for your kids, but also for yourselves..
you never know, this last try will be the most precious one for the both of you...
you see, everybody deserves another chance...even just a last chance... then if nothing still
happens, then that's the time you think it over again... goodluck
2007-10-25 13:27:51 · answer #7 · answered by fashion時尚嬰孩玩偶doll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because your husband was in the military you qualify for medical benefits.
Together or alone go see a therapist.
You've had a lot of things going on in your life....and you've never really had time to sort them all out.
A therapist will help you decide what to do about your marriage.....and how to help you find out what you want out of life.
2007-10-25 13:15:45 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up school! your giving yourself a better opportunity. Learn to love yourself and depend only on you before you can have a successful relationship. If you feel you want to be with him , get couseling or speak to a chaplain.
2007-10-25 13:42:11 · answer #9 · answered by MrsMaltz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to an al-anon meeting, get a sponsor, follow her suggestions, and work the steps.
Good luck.
2007-10-25 13:15:00 · answer #10 · answered by box of rain 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Move on. You'll be doing both of you a favor, even if he doesn't realize it right now. Been there btw.
2007-10-25 13:18:46 · answer #11 · answered by oogabooga37 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋