Yes, he knew it was my 40th birthday. He did not throw me a party. He did not take me to dinner. He did not get me a gift or even a card. He did not tell his family or any of our friends so there were no well-wishes from anyone besides my family (who sent cards and roses to my work). He went to a bar and played poker that night. I am hurt, disappointed, crushed, and just down-right furious. Am I being ridiculous? My brother tells me my husband is a bum and says I should divorce him. HELP!!
2007-10-25 12:26:22 · 29 answers · asked by x dee x 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's not sorry. I told him he disappointed me and he said he doesn't give a poop. And, yes, he does seem to drink quite often.
2007-10-25 12:34:39 · update #1
I can't dis him on his b-day (Dec 18) because my parents raised me a better person than that. By the way...I even asked him if we could go out to dinner to celebrate and he just shrugged me off and said, "we'll see." What the heck is that?
2007-10-25 12:39:01 · update #2
Unfortunately you are in a situation that part of you loves "him" or the life that you might have had or perceived to have one day. The easiest way to make a decision is to ask yourself the following: "did you ever imagine yourself accepting this before marrying him?" If you answered yes then you are reaping what you have sowed. Some how I don't think you did want this so i can only imagine what happens each and every second of your life living there and knowing you are alone. Leaving is the easy answer for me to say but it may not be the easiest to accept or to act upon. My only advice is to not live a miserable life for years and then look back and wonder why you put his life as a priority and not your own. WE cant remove ourselves from ourselves but we can remove ourselves from others that are not healthy for us. HE IS NOT HEALTHY FOR YOU!!! Whether or not you have family, friends, etc as support may help but bottom line you have taught him how to treat you and now you need to change that and possibly have him as the man of your dreams or not. You may need to start accepting that thought. Support helps but you always have you!!! good luck
2007-10-25 12:54:59 · answer #1 · answered by Lynnette 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
40th Birthday Husband
2016-12-11 16:51:17 · answer #2 · answered by picart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say, no, you're not being too sensitive and you gave good reasons not to be. My partner did that too when I turned 40 and I was absolutely devastated BUT he had no idea that I was. I talked with him at length about it and he agreed that he should have done more and he didn't realize how important that milestone was to me. We have since come to terms about it. I had to realize that he isn't that kind of person to organize an event like I wanted so I couldn't hold that against him. Is there a way to express your hurt and disappointment to him? If there is you can get through this but if you can't communication skills may need to be strengthened. A marriage counsellor can help but if you can resolve by dialogue and mutual understanding you may not have to discuss divorce at all.
2007-10-25 12:58:59 · answer #3 · answered by howah2005 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband did the wrong thing. He made a huge mistake. If he's sorry, forgive him and tell him he can make it up to you next weekend. If he's not sorry, you need to tell him how disappointed you were that he didn't at least take you out to dinner and give you a gift. BUT...when was this birthday? If it was mid-week, how do you know he hasn't planned something special for the weekend to surprise you? Don't count him as a bum yet. Some guys are insenitive about "occasions". Explain what you expect, and hopefully, he'll do better.
2007-10-25 12:31:36 · answer #4 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Unless he's out getting drunk every night, I'd think considering divorce over this might be a tad bit extreme.
You need to talk to him otherwise, as there's probably a reason he avoided your birthday. Has he already turned forty? Did he feel awkward or over the hill?
Maybe he ignored it because he didn't know how to act/react to this?
If he's normaly good to you, you need to talk to him about you. While his intention may well have been to avoid hurting you, he's done just that. Men in trying to do the right thing, often unintentionally do something else wrong.
2007-10-25 12:47:20 · answer #5 · answered by Captain Jack ® 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your girlfriends should have a b-day party for you out on the town and fail to invite him, and sure as heck dont tell him, until the next day.
You in the neighborhood I will even buy the drinks!!
He is a pig if he played poker instead of spending time with you on your 40th. Kick his @ss.
2007-10-25 12:31:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, before your birthday, did you express how important it was to you? Because if you didn't, then his behavior doesn't seem that unreasonable. Some people just don't give a crap about birthdays and holidays and all that. It's just a day like any other day.
Either way, it's pretty common sense to at least give someone a card for their birthday when you're close to them. I don't think this is worthy of divorce, but if he's this airheaded about everything else, perhaps?
2007-10-25 12:36:10 · answer #7 · answered by rorybuns 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
he didnt marry a 40 year old
he's disappointed cuz you're 40 and probably looking a tad older and he's going thru mid life
he needs a jump start..
go to the accountant and tell him to prepare a divorce settlement statement and show him what he is going to lose if he doesn't wake the frick up
2007-10-25 12:44:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe divorce is a little extreme.
When you don't want a man to forget an important date, you remind him like crazy. My bf can't remember his parents birthdays or his nieces & she's his whole life!
Sometimes when something is important to you, you have to do what it takes to make sure it happens.
He should still be in the dog house until he buys a proper gift and apologizes for his absent-mindedness.
2007-10-25 12:31:51 · answer #9 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes you should be hurt. that was a horrible thing to do. But you knew he is insensitive to your needs. So what made you expect him to do any better?
This by itself, is not grounds for divorce. You have other options to try before you go straight to the attorneys.
Good luck.
2007-10-25 12:32:28 · answer #10 · answered by box of rain 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋