I love my daughter very much and have suffered over the past three years watching as my ex and his new wife verbally abuse and berate my daughter. I feel that all he sees when he looks at her is me and he hates me. I allowed him a divorce even though he was the one that was having the affair, ( the new wife was the other woman.) All I asked was that he support his child. She used to spend everyother weekend with him but things deteriorated to the point that she refuses to go out there any more and got a job so she could say she had to work weekends and therefore couldn't come out. They call her fat, worthless, disrespectful, argumentative and that's just the things I can say in here. He complains to her all the time that he has to pay child support and I really feel that if he has a problem with it, he should not be burdening her with it. I am running out of space here but would really appreciate any words of wisdom you could give me on how to handle all this.
2007-10-25 10:59:23 · 22 answers · asked by hixon3d 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Protect her your daughter and shield her from the abuse. This type of abuse will have lasting affects on all aspects of her life. She does not deserve this under any circumstances. And as her mother its your job to protect her. If she doensn't want to go don't force her. If they began to attack her then you need to interject. If she tells you about an incident after the fact you need to address it, you need to send the message that this type of behavior is unacceptable. If they can't treat her with the respect she deserves than she doesn't have to be in their life and vice versa. I Know that is harsh and I really have never advocated something like this before but drastic measure need to be taken here.Don't get me wrong I do believe that a daughter needs her father, but not at all cost, not risking her emotional safey, no ma'mam. This type of toxic relationship is detremental to proper self image and self worth especially for girls. And I can't stress enough it is your duty to protect her. Now to get to the subject of your ex and his wife, I m not sure from your post if yur even over it yet. I don't know but something about it which tells me that your still grieving with this one. Now, I can only imagine the pain and humilation that situation brought into your life, but its time to let it go, its not your shame to carry, its theirs. Meaning your ex and his new wife have to answer for that not you. and the fact is Nearly 60 percent of marriages end up in divorce, and those that start with a foundation of lies put themselves at an even greater risk. Not, that you wish that on them, but in same breath you should be glad your not facing those odds, you should be grateful, that is now her liar not yours. You should rejoice in the fact that, that relationship produced your wonderful daughter, and learn the lesson you were meant to learn and move forward. I don't know what the lesson is because I don't have enough information it the post, but I am sure there was a lesson. If I had to guess I would say that he didn't just become this verbally abusive and that he probably was that way in the marriage. If so be grateful that is over, and the lesson would be that you deserve better. And if your still struggling to see this after a month or so seek therapy. Theres nothing be ashamed about because you been through alot, and you have been injured. The tragedy will be if you don't seek healing.
2007-10-25 11:21:53 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
The hard thing is facing rejection. The idea that we were not chosen over another makes a person feel bad. The truth is that you are wallowing in self pity and understandably so, you have been through a lot, but that does not change the fact that your keeping yourself down by not accepting that he is not "the one". Come to an understanding that you deserve someone who chooses you first of all, and second look at the guys behavior, do you really want a dick head like that in your life? Move on to greener pastures, even if your single for a while that does not mean your unloved or less than someone else. I would not want to be the relationships I see most of my friends in, i would rather be single until I meet the right one.
2016-03-13 06:41:49 · answer #2 · answered by Patrice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there for you daughter and talk to your ex about the verbal abuse. It's bad enough to be verbally abused by your own father but a step mother makes it worse. It is his reponsility to pay child support and should not be complaining at all and especially not to the daughter. Good luck to you.
2007-10-25 11:13:51 · answer #3 · answered by ods 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
advise handle difficult situation husband wife
2016-02-03 09:16:25 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How to handle the situation????
Keep your daughter away from them as much as possible.
You knew what a miserable wretch of a man he was when he "stepped out" on you and committed adultery....unfortunately you could not see that his depravity had reached such depths as; denying his own child.....I'm sorry to here it; but you both deserve better. YOU WILL NOT change him... he is perfectly content being a wretch...and I'm sure his adulterous co-conspirator is very supportive of him....being it's all your fault (in their minds).......
What kind of foolish woman seeks a husband that is someone elses anyway??? Isn't it just the height of vanity to think that he'll never stray from her , too???
You might be well adfvised to consult your attorney as well, to insure that she isn't exposed to these two monsters anymore...some states will call it abuse as well.
Really it's a good thing that he left you for her....they SO deserve one another!!! and you and your daughter deserve better than them.
I'm glad she at least has you, mom, to look out for her best interests and love her.
2007-10-25 11:20:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can not control what the other person does you can only control what you do. Make sure that your daughter knows you love her and also be sure that you are not steering her to dislike her father because in the end you will only hurt her. Many men feel resentful about paying child support because they believe it doesn't actually go to the child if he is one of these guys maybe u could send him a statement so he can see where his money is going.
2007-10-25 11:22:03 · answer #6 · answered by Claire P 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your daughter is old enough then she can make her own decisions. Instead of focusing on the negative (ex hubby and his new wife) begin focusing on positive things. if not then make some positive things up. I say encourage your daughter to change her cell phone number and don't share that number with ex hubby. If he wants to talk to her then he's gonna have to go through you. you are still the mother and protector of your daughter. Hey...it's also his kid. if he will not pay it willingly then make him pay through the court. he is probably miserable so he wants you to be even more miserable so he can feel better. did you think about that? don't give it to him. if he calls let it go to voice mail. seriously...start focusing on you and your daughter. positive things. do what you want to do.
2007-10-25 11:18:42 · answer #7 · answered by cfalways 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not in this situation, but if my husband and I got divorced and his NEW wife and him decided to do this to my daughter, I would be on their door step knocking... I would threaten his new wife with in an inch of dying if she EVER spoke to MY daughter like that again and tell my ex that if he thought he needed to speak to his own daughter like that, that he needs to give you soul custody and if he says no, I would say see you in court! Some people dont like to rock the boat, but I already rock the boat when it comes to my daughter and I will turn the boat over and drown some people if I need to. It sounds to me that if this is happening your ex isnt too proud to call her his daughter and that is just screwed up. I would try to get HER out of the situation by all means possible.
2007-10-25 11:08:53 · answer #8 · answered by Mommy to 1+triplets 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, if your daughter is old enough to hold a job she is likely coming of age to make her own decisions. I think that if its an open door to see her dad if she chooses to she will. In addition, I would talk to him and his wife (without yelling) and find out what the problem is and let both of them know that it is afffecting your child.
Good luck
2007-10-25 11:43:48 · answer #9 · answered by ladylaw_ladylaw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
of course he has to pay child support. it is his DUTY. the laws say it and common sense says it too. he has to help with her upbringing at least financially.
it is good she finds ways to avoid her resentful and shallow father and fill her life with work and positive stuff.
the important thing is she has you for her Mama and that you are supporting her in every way, specially morally. i am sure your daughter will grow up to be a good woman and citizen.
tell her to ignore her Dad, that he is frustrated about other things in his life and does not mean the vile things he says. never talk bad about him in front of her, it is her Dad and his genes flow in her as well. but try to avoid contact and only make him pay for her education and upbringing until she is old enough to take care of herself.
good luck and keep up the good work being a mama and a dad.
2007-10-25 11:07:10 · answer #10 · answered by GreenEyes 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋