If a man cheats continuously on a spouse, how do you know if it is something he is lacking in the relationship, an addiction, etc.; or if he is just "one of those guys?"
2007-10-25 10:30:45 · 30 answers · asked by emily1980 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not considering dating this jerk. I'm married to him!! We are going to counseling right now and I guess the question is: Is there hope for him? Can he change or is he just going to be like this the rest of his life?
2007-10-25 10:41:54 · update #1
A guy who cheats has no excuse... he cannot justify his behavior on issues or problems in his current relationship.He is a dog plain and simple. He took the short term easy way out instead of focusing on the bigger picture. I see no distinction between a guy using a messed up relationship as an excuse or the guy who cheats and uses no excuse.
2007-10-25 10:45:06 · answer #1 · answered by Kim 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most times when people don't make good choices, it is because of some "issue". Not that this is an excuse for anything. To me it doesn't really matter whether a person has issues or not. The question is, what am I willing to put up with?
A man who sleeps around, cheats, won't commit, breaks it off when things get difficult, or intimate, or deep...these are all issues of some sort or another.
It also has to do with the way you choose to look at the situation. If you want to cast the person in a negative light you will call them a dog. If you want to give them the benefit of the doubt, you will say they have a troubled past, or whatever. Doesn't change how they are treating you, although it may help you understand (if you aren't assuming things) WHY they do the things they do.
I guess it is a lot more forgivable to be in a relationship with someone who is on the defensive, rather than the offensive. You know? Sometimes people are innocent bystanders of another person's pain, they don't want to hurt others. Doesn't mean they will make a good boyfriend. It means they need some solid support from friends, therapist, etc and some good alone time to get those issues under control, so they don't sideswipe everyone with their "issues".
2007-10-25 10:40:19 · answer #2 · answered by musicimprovedme 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I been with my wife since we were 16 & 17 now I'm 28. We've been married almost 2 yrs only split up once that whole time.
Most women are going to tell you to leave him alone....... but the fact is many women have been in this position (being the other woman). Men do that because women let them........ Women think they can maybe change that guy........ knowing that at one time she was the other woman.
If you go into a relationship from being the other woman you should except him to do the same thing. Get whatever it is you want out of him then move on unless it is the relationship you are trying to get, and if so get ready for some issues.
*** Women do this to men also**** :P
2007-10-25 10:50:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why not try the obvious, ask him! He knows, even if he won't tell you. You are married to him and you still don't know? I am betting he not only is "just like that" but also, is taking advantage of you...and frankly, he probably just don't care and as long you stay with him and let him get away with it, he will. It would seem to me that you two enable each other in some weird sort of way. Will he change? Can a leopard change it's spots?
Sorry for being so blunt, but life is too short lady...
2007-10-27 19:15:09 · answer #4 · answered by Guess Who? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man tries to fix things that are lacking in the relationship; a dog cheats continuously for his own selfish desires.
2007-10-25 10:42:49 · answer #5 · answered by Leah 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I would say there is something lacking in your relationship A HUSBAND... if hes cheating on you then you don't have one do you. As long as you put up with it you are enabling him to do as he pleases... Counseling is good but its no magic cure... HE has to make up his mind to stop and until he does you have one of 2 choices. Hope you choose the one thats right for you and your children.
2007-10-25 11:24:09 · answer #6 · answered by deerlady2000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's probably both. I.e., he may "lack" something, and his way of dealing with it is taking a certain action (like cheating). The same way that most people encounter frustrating moments in their relationships, but some deal with it by being calm and rational, and others will scream and yell. Doesn't make them a bad person per se, it's just the coping skills are different in everyone.
2007-10-25 10:34:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why does it matter? They are not worth the time energy or effort no matter how they got that way. maybe he got that way just from deciding to be a selfish jerk or deciding to be a selfish baby jerk because they had hardships. I had hardships and I don't go around using guys. Since you are already married to him I would say there is always hope for any person but I have known alot of people who reminded me of donkeys in that they would not change they were stubborn. if he is in counseling that is a good sign. Most men will not submit to councel
2007-10-25 10:35:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
If ANYONE is a cheat, they are lacking something. That something just happens to be a set of good morals, integrity, honesty, uncontrollable urges to lie, characteristics of manipulation, selfishness, craftiness, low self-esteem, lack of strength, lack of empowerment and an absence of God's indwelling spirit. Heck, what does a person like this have to live for? If, a person lacks positive purpose, no sense of direction and lack clarity of good intention, what else is there?
Here goes, SPIRITUAL DEATH!!!! This is a social fatality!
2007-10-25 10:50:41 · answer #9 · answered by Monica 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I "LOVE" the excuse's wive's try to come up with to justify their husband's cheating constantly.
Listen honey it is NOT an addiction , and if he told you that he needs a brick to the head right now , he definetly has issues , he cant keep the snake in its cave and only allow it out when the master hole is available.And wtf is he supposed to be lacking ? seriously ? apart from the ability to stay faithful to 1 person consistantly?
STOP making excuses for him , he keeps cheating because you keep forgiving him and you keep taking him back , your allowing him to cheat , you let him back into your heart , then back into your bed , then back in between your legs and he WINS .
You should have divorced after the 2nd cheat took place instead of coming in here after how many time's he's done it now trying to justify crap.
Stop being his door mat.
2007-10-25 11:16:08 · answer #10 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋