is this a type of emotional blackmail?

Question

live in my late mothers house, with my partner.my brother half owns this house and wants us to move out. i have my own house that we can move into..but needs some work on. my partner says that if i want to go back ,he will leave. he doesnt go back, only forward. i will lose a lot of money if i sell. ( plus it will be my sons inheritance one day): but also risk falling out with family and partner. should i have to choose between my family and my partner. he has told me in the past to choose between him and my son, when we had problems....i really feel like im stuck in the middle here and dont know what to do

Answer 1

Your partner sounds as though he's doing his best to control your life. He doesn't want to go back, your brother doesn't want you to stay where you are. Do you mind me asking what YOU want to do? What is best for your son? Sounds as though the choice is yours, and if yo want to go back to your house maybe you should call your partner's bluff and tell him that's what will be happening. Why does your brother want you to move out, does he have a good reason?

I'm SO tempted to advise you to move back into your own house leaving your partner behind to slug it out with bro To be honest, without more information, it sounds as though they are both control freaks LOL

Answer 2

My husband comes out with stuff like that. Its really ignorant. But generally I find out there is another reason underneath which he is too insecure to divulge. It comes out as nasty but underneath its scared. Why will he not go back to your previous house? Its odd that. You are stuck in the middle and as your partner is being so silly, I think you should have a quiet word with your brother and see if he can let you stay long enough to get work done to your old house - at least enough to sell at a profit. You should then put this money towards a new house but put your share in trust for your son. Negotiate with the family, appease the partner and on the QT make sure you look after your lad. Good luck.

Answer 3

I would ask him to take a long look at what he was asking of you... Put it simple! tell him everyone else in your life have been around alot longer than him and he dares to make you choose. What if you did choose him.. 2 years down the line you split up.... family don't forget these things. You'd be alone. Tell your brother whats going on, depending on the age age of your son, I'd be careful of telling him. Even if you did manage to sort this out with out blood shed, your son will be furious with your parnter for asking you to choose your lover over your son. "don't go backwards only forwards" We're talking about a house. A house that cost money and when finished will be great for both of you. tell him you could rent your mums house out and share the income with your brother or pay off any money owing on it. Then when its passed on it can be shared between your mum grandkids. What he's doing is wrong and unfair! Keep your head up and tell him how it is. Stand you ground. If you give in to his demands you'll feel it for years to come. You have too much to loose.

Answer 4

Whoa! This guy sounds like a jerk! First off, I would ask you brother if you can buy his half out if you want to stay there for OTHER reasons than your partner. It sounds like he is getting a free ride and he if he isnt getting that free ride anymore he doesnt want to stay and on to the next woman to take care of him that lives in a nice house. Any a man gives you an ultimatum to choose between you and your child, is not a man at all and definintally that a man that you want in your life. Family is forever, men come and go... drop his *** like a bad habit!

Answer 5

The fact you have to ask this is ridiculous. No women (or man for that matter) should choose anyone over there child or family. The first time he said it is me or your son should have been the one and only time he said it. You should have showed him the door and moved on with your life. If he is doing that now just imagine what it will be like later on if you ever get married. He sounds like a control freak to me. Your best bet is to kick him out and move on. He is no good for you if he is asking you to choose him or your family.

Answer 6

Why are you still with him, he is obviously going to use this tactic every time you have a problem, he should have never asked you to choose between him and your son, he's acting like a child himself. You would be better off without him, you're worth so much more. Why don't you concentrate on building a life with your son he's the one that needs you right now.

Answer 7

Kick him to the curb honey. First off a REAL man wouldn't ever ask a mother to choose him over her own child and secondly, YOU have a house and also you are living in YOUR mum's house, so just what has your lovely partner contributed to in your relationship other than heartache?

Answer 8

Men are many son is only one so I suggest you leave him and let him go he is not worth you or your son. O and one more thing if you do not want to live in this house and you do not want to lose and spend money then don;t rent it put in the paper and rent it out that is all you can do.

Answer 9

please do not put yourself in these circumstances of course it is emotional blackmail. you cannot possibly choose between your child and your partner and your partner knows this therefore turning your life upside down by asking that question. do what is right for you and your child not what is right for your partner because with the way your relationship is going at the moment your child will be around much longer than the spoilt brat of a partner. lol

Answer 10

Your partner is a pig and is using you. Time to let him go.

Legal issues with your broother and ownership of the house. He wants you to leave. How much is he willing to pay you for your 1/2 of the house? He has to pay or he can't make you leave.

Dump the boyfriend.