My husband has a habit of saying mean things when he's upset (things I would never say). Then when he actually apologizes it fells like a slap in the face because I think he feels like he can say whatever, however he wants and a simple word will make it all better. But it doesn't. He doesn't get it and when I tell him this, it's all of a sudden my fault. Anyone else deal with this type of immaturity?
2007-10-25 09:53:59 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All of you have given me a great outlook so far....thank you for that.
2007-10-25 10:04:04 · update #1
Um Dr. Obvious......anyone can tell your single. Thanks for the advice.
2007-10-25 10:37:01 · update #2
Its called verbal abuse. It cuts like a knife.
2007-10-25 09:56:50 · answer #1 · answered by New Nana 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My woman makes the same complaint. I see it differently. I do not say things I do not mean out of anger and then apologize later. I say things, which she terribly misinterprets and then gets mad at me for saying whatever I want without consideration for how she might misinterpret what I'm saying. I think it that is ridiculous behavior, and I refuse to cater to it. So, no I don't apologize for what I say. I may say I'm sorry she took it the wrong way, but that's it. If I don't mean it, I won't say it. She on the other hand, has been known to say things she doesn't mean as a method of counter-attack. I would say it's quite common for people to stray from the point of the argument and focus more on a battle of words, so if they feel hurt they want to hurt back. It's immaturity and lack of self control to a certain extent, but I also think it simply has to do with different personalities.
2007-10-25 17:01:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Did you want to marry a child? Everyone else is to blame for what he does, he's never mean intentionally. It's easier for him to cope if it's your fault. The question is, "How long will you let him do this?" Tell him "sorry doesn't cut it". Walk away when he yells. Go for a drive. Ignore the crap out of him.Tell him when he's ready to be an married adult to give you a call.Saying mean things to hurt you is not an adult, it's a 16 year old throwing a temper tantrum.
2007-10-25 17:02:40 · answer #3 · answered by danelady7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG haha that is my bf/soon to be fiance and he soes the EXACT thing. my only advice is to go to counseling i ahve told my significant other that if he cant understand what i am saying and then when i say the same thing back to him its my fault soo... we are going to counseling because i figure we need a mediator if he wont listen to me then maybe someone else will be able to talk to him without getting defensive then turning it all around to be my fault!! its NO fun i know sweetie. if you are determined to make it work approach him and say i think "WE" need help dont point him out all alone it is both of you so hope that helps i promise counseling really really helps it is a bit awkward ar first but sooooo worth it!!
2007-10-25 16:59:44 · answer #4 · answered by lacie s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him the next time he says something like that, that everytime he says things like that, it kills the love you have for him just a little every time. If he turns it back on you, just ask him how he would feel if you did that to him? If he continues with faulting you, blankly stare at him at walk away. He will eventually get it. My husband USED to do it. Stand up for yourself honey.
2007-10-25 17:03:34 · answer #5 · answered by mowsermae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, all men are NOT like this. You are being verbally abused, and it needs to stop. If he is unwilling to get help to stop, then you need to decide if this is something you want to live with. Abuse, of any kind, follows a gradually worsening pattern, and you've described this pattern perfectly. This is not your fault. You don't deserve this treatment. Get out now, before it turns physical, and it almost always does.
2007-10-25 17:08:47 · answer #6 · answered by bainaashanti 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lots of people do it. It's immature and pathetic.
Don't put up with it. Let him know that he is not some 5 year old who can't find the words to explain how upset they are.
2007-10-25 16:59:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
No sweetie all men are NOT like this, it's verbal abuse and it's wrong and being a MAN does not excuse it. I would try therapy and if he won't agree to it go for yourself. By all means don't put up with this, it's not immaturity and he isn't going to outgrow it, trust me it only gets worse as time moves on.
2007-10-25 16:59:49 · answer #8 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well sometimes my husband is like that as well, but if your husband is doing this ALL the time you should probably confront him! If you two really want work things out, go talk to someone.
2007-10-25 16:57:34 · answer #9 · answered by Me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not all men are like that. A man that loves and respects you wouldn't talk to you that way. The worst thing my husband has ever said to me was leave me alone, when he wasn't in the mood to argue. Thats the WORST thing ever said to me in my marriage. I wouldn't tolerate verbal abuse, it can be just as bad as physcial
2007-10-25 17:06:09 · answer #10 · answered by Brittney 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you let him know this upsets you? You may have done this for a long time (accepting every apology) and he unfortunately is conditioned with this type of behavior.
2007-10-25 16:58:14 · answer #11 · answered by Opps 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋