She hasnt been able to forget him all these years and could not love me all these years but I was totally unaware of this. Suddenly when I was on tour I come to know that for past two months she has started talking to someone over phone and after investgating found out that it was his ex-lover. She now wants to go back to him and break this marraige. We have a 5 yr old kid and she is even ready to let the child with me to go to him.
She says she never loved me and can no longer stay with me. Her relation with my house members were never good. Only I know about the current situation. I always loved her truly and still love her. If i break the news to all my family members and her parents I can imagine the blast that she will face and I cannot see her getting disgraced. On the other hand I cannot live without her and my son coz I know my son cannot live without her too.
I cannot imagine life without them. I also understand that she never loved me and cannot stay with me.What do I do?
2007-10-25 09:38:21 · 35 answers · asked by Sabby 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
there is no pain worse than this, to realize you have been living a lie and were never loved. but it is best to let her go, and keep your dignity. when your not loved u have to leave the relationship, disconnect. and get in some group therapy where u will get a support system with others who have been through this, they will help u get past this. it won't happen over night, it will take some time. make her leave your child with u if at all possible. this has nothing to do with u, or anything u did, this is about her dissatisfaction within herself and she thinks if she changes mates all of her problems will disappear, but they won't because she still has to live with herself.
2007-10-25 10:10:03 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have had a very nasty shock and it can't be at all easy finding out that the last 8 years of your life have been a bit of a lie. However, you have lived with this person for 8 years and have a child together and you were unaware of her previous affair. This suggests to me that there have been many times when she has been perfectly happy with you and your child and that her sudden outburst about the marriage may be more to do with boredom or frustration. I take it you live with your extended family? In this case, it is quite difficult for a woman who may want a little more freedom (not necessarily to do anything bad). I wonder if you could get a place for the 3 of you even if its temporary - perhaps a more private setting for your marriage would help? It would certainly distract the missus from running off with a man who may not even care for her anymore. Ask her to consider staying on a trial basis, see if there are other ways to please her - like getting a place of your own. Perhaps she may consider having another try at the marriage? I do hope so. She must be very sad indeed if she can leave her child. Get to the bottom of it first. Best of luck.
2007-10-25 09:47:37 · answer #2 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry you and your son have to go through this. You have to let her go and let her face the consequenses of her own actions. There's nothing you can do to stop her, nor should you. If she doesn't love you, you're better off without her. If she's willing to give her child up for some guy, he's probably better off with you anyway. You and your son will both live through this, you will both live without her; it will hurt, but you will survive and it will, eventually, get better. As for what other people will say or do, you can't do anything about that, just make sure you don't contribute to it. If it means that much to you, when someone else tries to talk about her, just say you don't want anyone running down the mother of your child and leave it at that. You are not responsible for telling her parents or relatives anything, unless you just have that kind of relationship with them. Telling them is her responsibility.
It may be a good idea to get counseling for your son and for yourself to help you both get through this. Just make sure you are there for him so that he doesn't end up losing both of his parents.
2007-10-25 09:49:41 · answer #3 · answered by bainaashanti 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to let go as she will not be loyal to you as long as she has feelings for her ex.Anyone who would give up their child is not worth keeping in your lives.She will most likely find that her ex is not the person either and may come back.But you would be a fool to take her back.It will be hard for you and the child but as time passes it will get better.You are a good person to want to protect her from all the people who will disapprove of her actions ,but she has done this to herself and must pay the consequences.When she leaves you should file for a separation .One day you will find someone to love you and your child like you deserve.This is not easy for you.Try to protect your son and tell him mommy has some problems and is going away for a while,and you need him to take care of you while she is gone.You will live without her and life will go on for you both.You just have to take one day at a time.If she never loved you then ask yourself why you want to stay with her,as she has done enough hurt of what she is doing.I met my husband 25 yrs ago and i had 3 children at the time.We added another and have 4 grown children now.I was married for 8 yrs to my ex too and he still regrets it to this day of what he lost.But I am the happiest now that I have found my true love So will you as time goes by.Good luck
2007-10-25 10:07:46 · answer #4 · answered by mamaw2305 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to let her go....I'm sorry that she did this to you but really it's best to let go....she doesn't want to be in this realtionship with you and if you make her stay, you will all be unhappy, even your son.
It's going to be hard, and painful, and sad but she has already made her choice. After it's over, it will get better for you and your child. you'll be happier and maybe you'll find love again one day. For now, just let her go and focus on your child. Remember not to bad mouth her to your son, even if you feel like you hate her. Don't ever bad mouth her to your son. Just tell him that you and mommy are going in different directions in life and you've decided not to be married anymore..assure him that you both love him and that it's not his fault at all.
And IF custody becomes an issue, then make sure you fight for your rights as a father.
Your son should be able to see both of you...unless of course she doesn't want to...then all you can do is be there for your son and reassure him that you love him.
2007-10-25 10:11:45 · answer #5 · answered by surat108 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't love you; what CAN you do? She's so d!ckmatized by this guy, that she's even willing to let her own son go. What kind of mother is she? And you're worried about the backlash she will get from friends and family for being a bad mother and a bad wife. If she never loved you, she shouldn't have married you in the first place. I understand people change over time, but she felt that way from the beginning. I feel horrible for your son; he won't understand why his own mother doesn't want him.
2007-10-25 09:48:08 · answer #6 · answered by ron-D 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Both you and your son will live without her. The last thing you want to do is force that child to be around a mother who doesn't want to be with him. That is cruel. Tell her to leave and sign the divorce and custody papers on the way out. Call it a day and show your son how strong and supportive of him you can be. He deseves to have one stable parent. Your love of her is only a fear of being alone. You are not alone, you have your son to love you and need you! I know because I am a widow with two children, and their father isn't coming home ever again for them. But he would want them happy.
2007-10-25 09:56:07 · answer #7 · answered by danelady7 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough situation and I blame her, if she didn't love you she shouldn't have never married you and taken you through this. I think that you would have to just let her go. I mean why stay with someone who doesn't care for you or love you. Yes it will be hard, and yes you will hurt, but you have to heal and move on for you and your son. I know I don't know your wife, but if she is willing to give up her own child to be with this person, she isn't a good mother. And who is to say she hasnt been cheating the whole time. Are you even sure that your son is yours? Questions you may or may not want answered. I hope that you come to grips with it, and deal with it. It's not your fault...you can live without her...You will be ok, and one day you find the love you so deserve.
2007-10-25 09:43:24 · answer #8 · answered by goodgirlabout2gobad 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
It is hard I know, I feel sorry for your son, it is so unfortunate in all of these matters, that the children really do suffer and they do, nobody but the children suffers more when this stuff happens. My prayers go out to your son.
I know this is hard, but keeping her in an environment is not good for her, it will only make her more unhappy, and it will take its toll on your son. I know you do not want that.
It is hard for me to say, but you have to let her go, so the both of you can be happy, and over time, you both will be happy and so will your son, you have to do what is best for him, and during this process, you have to let your son know that just because mommie and daddy do not love eachother anymore, it does not mean that you love your son any less.
You and your wife have to make this as easy as possible on him, if this is what she wants, then give it to her, and let the family say what they want to say, she is choosing to do this, so she should be able to take the "wrath" from your family. They are only mad at her, because she is hurting you so!
It is good to let everyone know, so that during this process of letting her go, everyone in your family can work together, to help your son get through this terrible time in his life!!!!
By keeping her at home, your wife is just going to continue talking to her ex, if you let her go, then you will be able to go on with your life and your son's life.
In the end, everyone will be happy, maby not now, I know, I have been there and done that as a child myself when my parents were divorcing, and it was soooo hard!!!!
But now that I think about it, if they would have stayed together, the whole marriage would have been He**!!!!!
2007-10-25 09:55:20 · answer #9 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for you, friend...it can't be easy...
What should you do???.....LET HER GO and just focus on being a GREAT dad to your son...you CAN live without her and it will get a little easier as time goes by. Get her to sign over custody immediately...you and your son deserve better than her....if you don't get her to sign over custody, you're probably going to get shafted later when she gets greedy and starts fighting for custody because she wants the child support and/or doesn't want to pay it to you.....Oh and get the toughest lawyer you can and nail her for child support....it's not vengeance for you...it's for your son....and with what she's doing to the boyshe deserves to be nailed monetarily.
Again, stay strong for your son and don't do anything stupid...the kids losing a mommy...don't let him/her lose a dad, too....you are all he has got left now.
I'll pray that all works for the best for you and your son, Lord willing.
2007-10-25 10:06:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋