I am very unhappy with the way that I am. I can be very anal at times and I tend to over-analyze everything. I allow the smallest thing to get under my skin. If my husband and I get into an argument, it is me who can’t seem to drop it and let it go. I am very high-strung and I always have ten different thoughts running through my mind. In my opinion, I am not normal and I think my personality has the potential to destroy my marriage.
My husband on the other hand is very laid back and non-chalant. Nothing seems to bother him, but I think that’s what’s eating at me. I do all the worrying about bills, making payment arrangements if necessary, etc. He refuses to deal with it and if I try to talk to him about any issue or involve him in anything he gets very frustrated and becomes withdrawn. Also, he cheated on me almost a year ago and I think that has really made me worse than what I was.
2007-10-25 09:03:05 · 15 answers · asked by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Believe it or not, he has really improved over the past 4 months; however, I am still me. I can't seem to get out of my annoying habits. Not only do they annoy my husband they annoy me. I am tired of picking every single thing apart. I am tired of being angry for no reason. I am tired of making excuses.
I went to see a counselor several months ago but I just didn't feel she was telling me anything that I didn't already know (regarding my attitude). If it matters, we have been married for a little over 3 years and don't have any kids.
2007-10-25 09:04:26 · update #1
The fact that you know you have a problem is half the battle. All you have to do is implement some changes in your behavior and attitude. I am sure if you want to you can do anything and you can change. If you love your husband, you must change or your marriage is doomed. I think his cheating on you was a symptom of what was going on in your behavior, attitude and I guess he felt he was a stranger in his own home. I am sure he loves you and wants to have a successful marriage, but it is up to you now. Start with small things. If something is starting to bother you, sit back and be calm and say quietly, "Lord I leave this up to you."...Let go let God. You can do it...but you've got to make a committment to change. Why don't you try to have a child? Maybe a child will give you something other than yourself to think about and it could be good for you and your husband, but that is a decision you must make. I wish you well.
2007-10-25 12:26:31 · answer #1 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the good news is that you realize that it is a problem and you want to fix it! I give you credit for that because most people would not be able to admit that!!
Your next step has to be making a conscience effort to change it! It will take time, but if you're determined you will be able to do it! The hardest thing will be letting go of the control and allowing your husband to lead the household. It is much easier said than done, especially when you are married to a man that has no idea how to do that. However, if you are both committed to making this marriage work, then you have to do whatever it takes!
Maybe the two of you need to go to counceling. I hope you don't feel as though you were the cause for his affair! But regardless, you both need to work through some of those unresolved issues. If you learn to trust him and his ability to be a man, it will get easier for you to let go of some of the responsibilty.
I wish you luck!
2007-10-25 09:45:04 · answer #2 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Changing your lifestyle and meditating will do very little to help if you don't go about them the right way. What tends to happen is; you feel discontent, and then seek some way out of it (more money, different job, get drunk, stay sober, whatever...) - always moving to some ideal of "happiness". This is how the mind works, it defines "problems" and then produces "answers". This works fine for problems that HAVE answers a mind can give, but with the "biggies" - love, death, sex, god, beauty, truth, life - "WHY AM I STILL DISCONTENT!" - the answers that the mind gives ARE the problem! So if the meditation or lifestyle you choose comes from mind (or its tricky companion, emotion), then they are not likely to help. They will give you a pleasant feeling of novelty, but this will soon wear off. True meditation, and true change, come from a place that precedes mind. To experience this, or gain some recognition of it, you need to go to someone who is familiar with this place. Any fool can teach you guided meditation, mantras, yoga or whatever, but there are very few people that can get to the root of the problem. Where to go? Who? I suggest these people, some alive, some dead - Mooji, Krisnamurti, Barry Long, Eckhart Tolle (Barry Long's student), and Gurdjieff. There are others - but all will initially strike your mind as weird, stupid, arrogant or strange (as all are speaking to a part of you that is not-mind - mind thinks not-mind is madness, obviously). The more you learn to experience and recognise non-mind - which in fact is an incredibly sweet and simple thing (as very young mindless children show), the more your life will change by itself, without your confusing and confused mind struggling to do it. : )
2016-04-10 05:07:05 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi hon...
You seem to have a lot of anxiety, which is actually classified as an illness, or symptom of an illness... you may not be able to help it... consider talking with your doctor.
Meanwhile, you seem to have shouldered all of the household responsibilities -- you could ask your husband to help. that would be a good way to start. Let him know how you're feeling "I'm feeling overwhelmed" "I'm exhausted" "I need help, please".
Your worrying and having to get everything done, overthinking and feeling abnormal sounds like ME... i have a lot of anxiety, suffer depression sometimes, too. I have to have things "just so" in my world, or everything feels as if it's falling apart.
I have taken the time to STOP EVERYTHING and started a couple small hobbies -- i am an artist and sell on ebay, which have been good distractions.
There are many things you can do so you get some time for YOURSELF -- join a gym, take a class (karate or something), find a hobby which you are interested in, do things with friends, take a nice bubble bath once in a while.. the list of things you can do is endless.
It is EXTREMELY difficult to learn to shut things out, and not let unfinished chores and responsiblities go for a while, but i did manage to learn. I'm much better for it, also.
I suggest seeing your doctor. He might be able to help, or possibly could refer you to someone else. Whatever happens, people like us really need to take care of ourselves, and our own needs and problems, and especially, learn to spend mindless time.
I wish you all the best.
2007-10-25 09:17:40 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Accept that you (as we all do) need God's help as we go through life. He designed and created us, and He knows us best. Tell Him you're sorry for all the times you have done wrong to Him and others, and ask for a relationship with Him, a relationship where you can ask Him to help change you and make you into a more loving person.
2007-10-25 09:08:54 · answer #5 · answered by Ryan B 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here's some sage advice.
Fear cripples.
Anger kills.
BE in the moment and not living in yesterday.
Everyday is a NEW day. We choose to be the same old person everyday.
Person who has many thoughts/voices in head hears no one.
These are simple solutions to contemplate on. Expand on the meanings but you know what they mean already.
Look within.
Change is about you.
2007-10-25 09:28:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Theres got to be a core issue that you are not dealing with. Maybe the fact that he cheated on you? Are you sure that you forgave him? Are you still thinking about it and getting angry all over again. You need to sit down and ask yourself what is really going on. Why are you feeling the way you do and where is it coming from.
2007-10-25 09:14:28 · answer #7 · answered by faith 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't keep a record book of all your past problems. Throw it out. Forgive yourself. Start over today being a positive person. Try to give a compliment every time you start to say something negative.
2007-10-25 09:08:47 · answer #8 · answered by New Nana 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Take it one thing at a time. Be hyperaware of your feelings about stuff...when you feel yourself starting to get annoyed/angry over something, stop and ask yourself, "Is this worth it? Do I really need to be this upset over this?" If not, take a deep breath, and make yourself let it go. It'll get easier with time and practice.
2007-10-25 10:55:52 · answer #9 · answered by War Games AM 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you feel yourself turning into that annoying person just stop,sometimes the answer is right in front of us but we refuse to see it.plus without God in a marriage what marriage works these days.pray ask God to help you with your issues ,it sounds like u r picking your marriage apart.ask him to give u a new mind anew way of thinking.he will.be patient it takes time and allow the change to happen.also some times it takes separation if u find anyone u hang with,with this same annoyacance stay clear from them .it's probably running on you.
2007-10-25 09:30:26 · answer #10 · answered by keke T 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋