As soon as he spoke those three words
I didn't believe my ears
I never thought we’d feel alike
Looking with his hopeful eyes
He waited long for my reply
Standing there in front of me
With his marvelous faith filled grin
Here’s the best day of my life
I left my spot and hugged him tight
When at last I found my voice
I whispered in his perfect ear
“I love yoyos too”
2007-10-25 08:42:12 · 6 answers · asked by acamn91 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Cute, I liked the surprise ending. I would get rid of the contraction in line two, and you might consider could not rather than did not.
Actually, I think that the same goes for the we'd, I would suggest we would. I would swap lines five and four. It builds the tension better.
One thing I would change for continuity sake is "marvelous faith filled grin" does not match "his hopeful eyes. The Marvelous faith filled grin should show his tension, not his confidence.
Otherwise, and I mean it, a very nice poem.
2007-10-25 08:54:55 · answer #1 · answered by Songbyrd JPA ✡ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi my costly don,t be at a loss for words in the communicate of this international bcz if u ask this forms of question then u have been given an excellent variety of answer yet that every physique are no longer reality answer so for this u flow to a guy or woman that u think of that that is applicable minded answer for me ok applicable of excellent fortune and via thinking its stunning if u your self written this poem
2016-11-09 11:09:37 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lol, it's cute and very good.
2007-10-25 08:50:19 · answer #3 · answered by *smile* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
funny
2007-10-25 08:50:44 · answer #4 · answered by Kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cute!!! Good Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep writing! :D
2007-10-25 08:56:26 · answer #5 · answered by *luna's lover* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It´s great!! Please, visit my poetry blog: http://crimeth-inc.blogspot.com/
2007-10-25 09:48:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋