So my cousin is 14 and already a mother...?

Question

I know.. its youung.
Everyone is expecting me to be supportive.
That's all I ever hear. Be supportive be supporitive.
But how can I be so supportive when I don't think that she should keep the baby. I know its not my choice, but I know her she's my cousin and she is NOT ready for a child.
I can't possibly pretend to be okay with everything when im not, and Im repremanded when I speak my thoughts.
Do you blame me?
What should i do?

well, I completely understand that it's her situation, and not mine.
I'm not voicing my opinions to her, just my mother.
I'm being put in situations where I have to be around her constantly, and I dont want to, because I can't stand to see her with a child I dont feel she should have...
No one seems to understand why I wouldn't want to be around her...

Answer 1

I dont blame u. 14 is way too young. 14 is barely a teenager. 14 year olds are still in middle and early high school. they don't have the time to raise a child or go to school. if they dont not keep the baby, she'll hav 2 eventually quit school, and her life would be a wreck, unless it's 1 of those rare circumstances. i really dont blame u for not being supportive. u should tell ur cousin, or someone else in private ur reasons for not being supportive, instead of everyone at once.


Read this quote, it might help u:

Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Answer 2

First of all, how old are you? Having a baby is something serious and is something you shouldn't play with. What do you mean get rid of it? Do you mean give it away? Kill the baby? I don't think there's anything you could possibly do other than to be supportive or just avoid her and her baby. Why are you so mad at this situation? You should be happy for her and you should be trying to help her. Specially because its going to be really hard on her. When my baby was born, it made me the happiest person. Just re think this over, and give the baby a chance. What's done is done, and there's no going back.

Answer 3

I totally understand your frustration but what can you do? I've learned to not give any energy to something I cant change. Love your cousin and be there for her if she needs you. I dont think that its up to you to do anything. Again what can you do? I get the fact that you dont want to pretend to be okay with this , its a very sad situation , but now its done,and guess what? She'll see what you were saying as this responsiblity smacks her in the face. Take your energy to preach to the other children around that are influenced by you and try to prevent this from happening again.

Answer 4

I don't see how it is possibly for a 14 yr to be having a child. but the record age is 10 some around the country,
I would agree with you about keeping her child. But it is not your say. It is up to her parents on that scence she is a minor.

All can you really do from this point is congrat her on her pregnancy and also be there for her and help her through times. And talk to her if you she feels like talking. Share you true feeling and let her know how you feel about early age pregnancy and go that way

Answer 5

I think you are wise beyond your years.You see that your cousin has screwed up her life.You choose to not be accepting of her decision and make your thoughts known.
Keep to the high road,you're doing no wrong.
If everyone around her is "supportive" your cousin will think that her choice is acceptable.Children having children is never acceptable.
I would hope that those members of your family who are showing support are also opening their wallets and check books.Or does their support end when it comes to paying the bill for bad choices.

Answer 6

Even if you don't feel supportive, you should at least pretend to be and keep your negative thoughts to yourself.

Keeping or giving up a baby is a VERY personal decision, and one you could not expect to understand unless you've been there in that situation. She needs all the support she can get, especially emotionally, so be there for her.

Answer 7

No one blames you and most would agree with you BUT what you HAVE to remember, is it's not YOUR decision. You can choose to push your cousin out of your life if you want.....but is that what you really want? 14 is way too young for having a baby -- no doubt. Unfortunately, it happens and then when it does, we "deal" with it the best way we can. If you can't find it in your heart to be supportive, then you really should just walk away because this is going to be extremely stressful for her and her family -- and YOU can not make that decision for anyone but yourself.

Answer 8

I agree with you, she should not keep the baby. It is impossible for a 14 year old to be a good mother. If they were that mature and responsible, they would not be a mother in the first place.

Of course, I'm not sure what good it is going to do for you to defy your family and be deliberately unsupportive. If anything it will just make you seem like the bad guy.

Answer 9

It's okay to not agree with her choices but remember they are HER choices. You can support her doing as she sees fit and still not think it's actually the best option.

If someone asks you what you think, instead of going off on how wrong you think she is, why not just say "It's not the choice I would've made, but I support 's right to make her choice and I'll be here for her regardless." That's what family does...stick together and support one another even when they don't agree with each other. Y'know?

Answer 10

i know it is difficult to see someone so young become a parent. but, sometimes it is better for that "child" young woman to keep the baby. i have a neice that became a mom at 16, and boy was she a wild child. but, she settled down tremendously when she had that baby girl. she graduated from high school AND college. she has become a successful person, and so has her husband, who is the father of her children. i know it is hard, but just try to be supportive, as much as you disagree with what is happening. she is going through a lot right now as well, be there for her. it is what family is for. god bless.