Darkness is falling
as the dreamers don’t awake.
The shadows are forming
and the world they did forsake.
The sound of children playing
can no longer be heard.
The only comforting sound
is the lullaby from a bird.
What has come of this
world we have known?
It is all falling apart
without dreams of there own.
Hatefulness and sin
consumes there mind.
Is this the dreadful
downfall of mankind?
Darkness is falling
as they continue to dream.
Awake in there world
but so asleep the children seem.
Is this what Jesus
calls latter days?
If so.
Pray while you still can
before we’re set ablaze!
2007-10-25 08:24:35 · 20 answers · asked by freckles579 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
...some misspellings and not quite as metrical as I would prefer (meter? measure?) but I like it for its questioning nature (even if it is somewhat depressing). Perhaps changing the period to a comma after "If so." or using "..."
then joining the last two lines to make each stanza four lines each would help.
It directs the reader to some important questions. I also sounds a bit more "heavy" to take in large doses. It lends itself to suspect the author is thoughtful,spiritual and concerned at the same time; hopefully outgoing and looking inward to growing and maturing responsibly.
I like poetry. If you are a student submitting this for a grade, I would hope "teach" sees this as superior to excellent work. As a suggestion? Keep writing! It is a great tool for introspection...getting to know yourself. Don't trash or throw any of your writing and date each piece; even the bad stuff can be made better. When you look to your own attempts from the past even you will see it differently.
Besides!................... It's fun.
2007-10-25 08:52:31 · answer #1 · answered by d2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darkness has been falling
since the dawn of time
Shadows are forever present
In any light sublime
Children are quiet
whenever they are in sleep
And the morning mostly starts
in a cheerful birdie's beep
The world that once was
is still the world that is
It's how we percieve the facts
that makes our dreams amiss
What is pious and what is sin
What great truth could have you known
All men great were great in faith
Not in the surrender you have shown
Ay - Darkness will still fall
followed by the light
You must be aware of the facts
or suffer your silent plight
Jesus himself never called
any days 'former' or 'latter'
try living like he did
and try to make yourself better
As you walk along the road
Be happy seeing the garden
Or else complain of the gutter
What you choose is your burden
2007-10-25 08:53:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your poem is good, it is insightful, and yet has a dreamers touch. I see that your focus is mostly on the evils of the world, and this is good to snap people out of the doldrums that we seem to be in, a people who have forgotten God. Also I see a melancholy of spirit. Is this your own spirit that is down? Just a thought you should now write something that uplifts the soul.
2007-10-25 08:31:04 · answer #3 · answered by tigerlambs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's good, but with some revision, it could be great.
You might want to consider dropping some words which don't add anything like,
"awake in there world (sic)/asleep the children seem"
And please, for the love of GOD, learn the difference between "their" "there" and "they're" because it ruins the poem. This is basic, and if you want to be taken seriously, take the time to use proper spelling and grammar.
2007-10-25 08:30:34 · answer #4 · answered by jenabel 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
GREAT!
You should post it with a different question on R&S, too. But make your question something like this: What do you think? and let them read your poem. See what they say.
OH, BUT WARNING: On Religion and Spirituality, it's best to write "Christians," in front of your question, to eliminate some of the smart-alec answers you might get.
Love it!
God bless you.
2007-10-25 08:33:16 · answer #5 · answered by C Sunshine 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I heavily isn't so harsh as to insult you, nor do i attempt to deter people who aspire to poetry, yet i'm a brat so i might desire to have a pair recommendations, maximum particularly cuz you further explanatory info first. i might completely get rid of "stupid" For one component it shows assumptions that is very incorrect. Yowee i do no longer wanna do over each line, yet yet another component I recommend is get rid of "like" In L a million i might use "ain't" no longer isn't. and perhaps in case you may desire to maintain "broke" discover yet in a various thank you to allude to it. you may desire to definitely have refrained from the upload on's to traces in parenthesis.
2016-10-14 00:44:36 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its a really good poem. it has depth. im just not too wild about the last 5 lines, not the meaning, but the flow, it rhymes but it just doesnt seem to flow with the rest of the poem. but overall i like it. just an opinion.
2007-10-25 08:30:52 · answer #7 · answered by a lady capricorn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think its awsome i wish i was as talented as you i will write you a peom
Florida
Floida,Florida
is the place.
Florida,Florida
is no waste.
Florida, Florida
is so fun.
Florida,Florida
time for sun.
Disney world, beaches too
time for rides fun for who?
Family, Friends, Chariters too
sandcastels for me and you.
Florida,Florida
is the spot.
Florida,Florida
is so hot.
Florida,Florida
palm trees galore
Florida,Florida
leaves me wanting more
2007-10-25 08:35:24 · answer #8 · answered by trashley k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you believe in jesus, and u don't like bad stuff, heck yes, you're poem is like professional. at least it sounds like a good peom.(you should be a poet)
2007-10-25 08:28:43 · answer #9 · answered by Andrew 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love it! It is very good, well thought out, are you going to publish it?
2007-10-25 08:33:26 · answer #10 · answered by teresa m 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋