problems in a marriage?

Question

My best friend just got married this past May and she and her husband are already experiencing serious Marriage Issues. Such as his daily drinking, smoking ciggerates (and saying he quit), making insulting and imberrising jokes about her in front of her friends, etc. My best friend is extremely easy going and isnt the type of person to let little things upset her, but she is very disturbed. She tells him how much it upsets her and he dismisses the complaint every time. This guy is really hard headed and stubborn. She fully admits they got married to soon, but now that its said and done what should she do? I told her to see someone, a Doctor.

Answer 1

Get counseling..... It is clear he is feeling the pressures of marrying to young and is deperatly trying to push his bride away. Don't be suprised if this don't get much more ugly before it gets better.

Answer 2

First of all things that I believe in is; a talk between a husband and wife whether good or bad should stay withing the four walls until it is really a need to break the wall.
But once the wall is broken, it should be broken for good reason.
Husb & wife should solve their issues themselves, they are grown up enough to decide that they wanted to get married and they should take initiative to solve those issues.
But in the case of a stubborn husband, wife should treat him the way he is treating her so that he gets the idea that how it feels, I guess ur frend is very patient to take all this, she should confront him bravely and never let him insult her in public.
Divorce is not a solution that I would give.

Answer 3

Well my husband and I got married to soon too. In our marriage we had some good times and bad times but we always came out on top. I think that your friend really needs to study his weak points and study him why he is acting like this. I know it may sound weird but to be honest a woman can always change a men maybe not in everything but if she really sits back and look at the picture and if she really wants to save her marriage because she loves him. Then she will get the clue where to go after she studies. And if that don't work maybe then she does need to go see a doctor to find her solution. Hope things will work out for her.

Answer 4

Quasimodo said it best.

She chose to put a blind eye to those evident issues before getting married, but I guess she just wanted to get married despite the fact that it was too soon and both of them too inmature to face a seriuous commitement. That's all water under the bridge now.

Here you have it, now deal with it. It's call real life for better or for worse.

Cheers

Answer 5

If he's hard headed, most likely he will object to see a doctor. I can see where it becomes hard to have an open communication channel, but she has to try. Suggest to her to break that barrier between them and to talk about issues. Most importantly to tell him and show that she loves him and she's willing to compromise in their marriage. She has to talk to him openly. Have her set up a date; go to the movies, dinner.. etc.. and then break it down to him. Make sure she doesn't get pregnant though.. best of luck..

Answer 6

I would suggest marriage counseling. She should talk to him about the things that upset her when they are having a quiet moment together... alone... let him know the things that bother her and how he makes her feel. If he won't go to counseling then maybe she should to see if she can get some coping skills to deal with this guy.

Answer 7

My guess is he drank and smoked when she was going out with him........you can't just change someone when you get married because it's what YOU want to do. If she didn't like it then, she shouldn't have gotten married. Just because someone smokes and drinks doesn't make them BAD. He may be trying to get to her because she's bitching at him too much. I'm a female - married 25 years but I know how people can be. YOU CAN'T CHANGE SOMEONE -- THEY HAVE TO WANT TO CHANGE....SHE NEEDS TO LAY IN HER BED OR GET OUT.

Answer 8

Wow- if I were in her situation I would make him listen to me and I would calmly tell him i'm not putting up with his behavior. If that doesn't work- maybe she could ask him if there are things that she does or says that he doesn't like. Or ask if they could go to counseling together. Tell her to remind him that she loves him & really wants the marriage to work, but his behavior is getting hard to handle and they need to work on it together.

Answer 9

If he wasn't like this before they got married then it's a classic case of, I've got you now and this is who I really am. There isn't much she can do but get out before to much time passes. She is not going to change him. People do not change, they only modify the way they present themselves. If she can not live with him this way then she needs to leave for her own health and sanity.

Answer 10

first you have to admit this is your promblem not your friends being in denial is not a good place to start ,if you feel you got married to soon the ask to go to marriage counsling and if he doesnt want to go he really font want to save your marriage.maybe he wasnt ready to marry you at the time maybe you made him feel pressured,sit down with him and talk to him talking does help.if you can ask the world about your marriage you should be able to ask the man you love.

Answer 11

Marriage guidance perhaps.... or maybe he should visit a councillor as he sounds troubled.

Sorry but this sounds doomed from the offset, anyone who makes insulting remarks about their partners either need help or needs dropping hard and fast.