My husband who is in the Millitary, is working in another state, over the phone, he has been threatening me, always in a sexual way, and does not care about what pain he will cause me, when he returns, or what I don't want to do, I know I should of left him a long time ago, last time I saw him, he would tell me to do things, or he would take my kids, and I know he doesn't really want them, but uses that to scare me, and it has! I love them, what should I do while he is away, I'm building the streangth to get away from this abuse! and I do fear him greatly! I fear the children ever being with him, if I file for divorce!
2007-10-25 08:16:33 · 32 answers · asked by l 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i know what you're going through, my mother went through the same thing. first what you need to do is get proof of him harrassing and threatening you, if you talk on a cell phone to him, usually cell phones have a record option so you can record conversations, go to options while in a call and see if its available on your phone! then when you have the proof, since he's out of state, you can get a restraining order from him so he won't be able to go withing 100ft of you, your home or your children, then file for the divorce. and let me tell you, if this guy is anything like my ex-stepfather, he will try to make it a living hell for you, but you MUST NOT EVER GIVE IN!!!! to get a restraining order, look up the phone number for your local domestic relations office and ask them if they could help you, they'll get you where you need to be. or you can go to your county courthouse. but whatever happens, don't give in to him!! and don't be scared!! and most of all! DO NOT rush into another relationship. not for a while at least. trust me here, i have suffered because of my mother's mistakes, and now I want to help you so your kids don't have to go through what i did. now i'm 18 and moved away. my other brothers ( i have six of them) are completely miserable and continuously going through what no child should ever experience. i really hope this helps you. may god bless you!
2007-10-25 08:27:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, this guy has you by the balls so to speak, as he is doing this on the phone, and not in emails, or letters, which would give you the proof. So, as others have said you must RECORD more than one of the conversations, that is #1. You need the proof. If you can get him to put it into written form this will be the proof.
You can notify HIS Military upline (for a lack of better phrasing) and make a complaint of abuse. The Military take this seriously. You will need to also, go the route with the local police. And file charges if possible, with a restraining order. Just getting the restraining order will probably really set him off, so you need a backup plan. Such as, family protection, moving to a different town, abuse shelters etc. Take a day or two to secure whatever finances you can from bank accounts, savings etc as you will need it. And proceed with the plan to leave him. Keep things as secret as you can, and only trust those that wont let him know where you and the kids are.
2007-10-25 08:52:37 · answer #2 · answered by Toffy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time he calls record him. Since he is in another state I would take my kids and get out. You might be somewhere that you don't know or have any help, but there is someone out there. Take advantage of the outreach programs the military does have. Check with the Family Advocate office someone will help you. All you need to do is reach out for some.
My advice is if your afraid of him and he is gone then now is the time to get out and away from him. I know you say you fear for your children, but what about yourself. Take your kids get out and file for divorce. If you fear for the kids contact a lawyer (call the jag office if you can't afford a private one) and tell them your fears and ask them how you can keep them and yourself safe.
2007-10-25 08:26:08 · answer #3 · answered by blueeyd_princess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the police in your town and the police in the town he is currently living. They will do something of course, but they won't be able to keep him for long. The military wouldn't be too thrilled with his words to you either. But the best thing to do is to get a court order to keep him away from you. If you file for divorce get a good lawyer and make sure the judge knows about the threats towards you.
2007-10-25 08:24:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your husband can be arrested for threatening you over the phone. But you can file threat to the police that your husband is threatening and you fear for your life and kids. Do the right thing. When people are in this situation. There always someone getting hurt or even dead. Do what you think is right and please be careful. Tell someone about it. I pray Buddha and God watches over you.
2007-10-25 08:22:39 · answer #5 · answered by Un4getableAsianGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should file a Police Report in your state. Obtain a phone record print out of the many times he has called you. Tell the police everything he has said to you good and bad. If you truly are scared and you feel that your life and the childrens are in great danger, you need to go. Get Out Now!!!
You need to do what ever it takes to make sure that your kids are safe "WHAT EVER IT TAKES"
GOOD LUCK
2007-10-25 08:26:31 · answer #6 · answered by yuleydis77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This totally counts as domestic violence and has the potential of being very dangerous. I'm not sure he can be immediately arrested, but you can file a restraining order and if he broke it he could be arrested, for sure. And yes, you can get a restraining order even though he's you're husband. If you call your county help line (most have them) they will be able to refer you on to someone who can help you decide what the best way to escape this situation is.
2007-10-25 08:22:33 · answer #7 · answered by SpaceCase 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u can go to authorities and tell them that u r affraid, he harrased u over the phone and mentally abused u thats enough evidence to go to court. u can have sole custody of your children if u have enough evidence to prove that he does not want them, such as he wont have enough time for them due to him serving in military, or the fact that he threatens u and could possibly do the same to children
get help, im pretty sure where u live u have some one like social services or some other agency that can protect u.
2007-10-25 08:22:55 · answer #8 · answered by ICE DROP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say you should let someone know about these things. (It will be difficult to prove this sort of over-the-phone harassment without proof, so record one of the conversations to use as evidence). I'm not sure if he can be arrested in another state (I'm sure he can), but not only is he threatening you... he's threatening your dignity, he's threatening to abuse you through something meant for love (i.e. sex)... i'd say that yes, you can get the fuzz on him and have them take him to the slammer.
As for the kids, I'm not sure about them... but I think that, given the way he acts toward you (and what you've made known about yourself), that you'd get them and he'd only get visitation - if he got anything at all.
Good luck.
2007-10-25 08:20:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is such a thing as harassment by phone. a person that i know went to prison for it. call the police and see what they have to say. in the mean time, file a restraining order against him and file for divorce. if the courts know that he is a threat to you and your children the chances are they will not let him have the kids.
2007-10-25 08:21:54 · answer #10 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋