Do I forgive?

Question

In March my Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I tried to call my husband, who had been at a concert the night before, all day long from the hospital. My brother had stopped at my house, woke my husband up and told him the news and that I needed him and wanted him to come up there (2 hours away.) Well, he went back to bed and slept all day with his ringer off. He finally called after 5 pm. When I was talking to him about it he said, "that's life, people get cancer and die everyday. Your dad is not the first one. It's sad but its life." Then when I came home the next day he ended up going to 2 more concerts through the course of the weekend, spending no time with me. It got worse, I completely with drew myself and he did his own thing which was being drunk all of the time. Now he feels threatended because I have a myspace page and get tons of requests from men, and now wants to work on our marriage and says he is so sorry he hurt me so deeply. Do I forgive and how?

By the way, the my space account is only to communicate with family ead close friends. I also use it to post information about my dads current condition and slide shows for people to see recent pics of him, I deny all of the requests! My husband is just jellous.

Answer 1

what an absolute selfish "pr**K" he abandoned you in your time of need. Seriously why would you want to be witha guy like that, and what a juvenile responce, getting drunk, wow thats a great responce to a problem, dump him honey you deserve better.

Answer 2

In your time of need the person you love the most was not there 4 you ,nor did he feel the NEED to comfort you . Whats that tell you? .My dear your relationship is BASED on ALL the wrong things. Im so sorry you have to and now will always feel the resentment ...but do forgive . A marriage is to be made with your best friend ...that he was not. Look at what you have now ... 30 years from now will he be holding your hand...I don't think so . A realization happened for you . He has no compassion and no respect . Even it he had said nothing ...b/c some ppl do not know how to handel sickness.... it would have been better than the lack of careing. I have been there .. alone but married also . Times like these wake us up to what we have .....no remorse on his part .... means you both have little left to hold . He is parting from the 1 life you are to share as 1 . You cannot make someone love you ...They have to WANT to...The true meaning of marriage has been stomped on. You have some thinking to do now When a man WANTs to share his life ...he will walk the mile through the mud and hold you when the flood waters rage as rivers ... His love will hold you so that your tears are felt within HIS heart ... there is a special connection to people that LOVE each other and nothing comes between it ....never... ...Good luck!!!

Answer 3

My husband has done similar things. We lost our first baby when I was 4 months pregnant and he got in a bad mood after I had the D & C and refused to get me any motrin for the pain. He has changed since then, but he still has his moments where he can be a complete ***. People do change, but now that you know what he is capable of, do you want someone who could do that to you in the future? It's not even about him being capable of it really.. it's the fact that he actually acted how he did. My husband told me that he didn't really even know what love was back then, and it showed in his behavior. My advice for you would be to find someone who isn't able to treat another person so terribly, let alone the person that he is supposed to love.

You should forgive him, because if you don't you are only giving him the power to hurt you. You should also feel sorry for him. Anyone who can be so selfish and not care about other peoples suffering will only be cast aside when his time comes. If you leave him, and he keeps the same attitude, he will be all alone when he finally realizes how important family and caring for others is. That is if he ever realizes that at all.

Answer 4

Boy. I'm with you Honey. I'd be just as pissed as you. People do get cancer and they do die every day. BUT, NOT YOUR DAD. You have ONE dad, that's it. He can go to zillions of concerts, you have limited time with your dad. I'm sorry, but I think dads are the best things for little girls, I'm thankful I still have mine. I'd have a hard time forgiving my husband. That being said, the choice is yours. Do you want to forgive your husband for being such a SELFISH A$$HOLE? If you do then you have to work with him. You may have to forgive him every single day. The reason he feels threatened by your myspace page is because he's taken you for granted before, make sure he doesn't take you for granted again. Let him know that he can't take you for granted. Let him know, if he doesn't want to be a real man and be a loving and supportive partner to you, then there is many who are will to be a partner that will take care of you like you deserve. Remember the ball is in your court and you call the shots. Don't let him mistreat you or treat you less than you deserve to be treated. You have only one life and you deserve that life to be happy and fulfilled. Good luck. 2D

Answer 5

I am sorry to hear about your dad.I have to lost someone close to me and I couldnt of made it without my husband.What your husband did was wrong people we love should always be there for us when we need them.Now if he was away out of town yeah but at home sleeping of a night of drinking and then saying those things to you was just plain selfish.If you love your husband and he loves you there is always a chance talk to him and seek help you sound like you need it.But you need to look at it this way if you look at him and keep hearing those word he said to you leave him and try a little time apart.Also ask yourself why you started the myspace account as well was it to get the attention you needed from your husband or was it a way of getting back at him for what he has put you through.Him saying sorry and lets work this out.He could mean it or it could be his male ego saying to himself hey she,s mine you cant have her.That why you really need help and seek it he also has to address his drinking as well as thats not the answer to any problem it just make them worse.Both of you need to see a counselor to help you both through this crisis.I wish you well and hope we all here can help you find the answers your after.

Answer 6

Dearest Amber,

I send my condolences in response to your father. I pray that the doctors can get him all better soon. I know that you love your father. Love on him and continue to be there with him during this rough time. Your dad knows that you care about him and I can tell you do by reading your letter.

Amber, I'm not going to cut corners with you, I'm going to tell you the truth as I see it in your letter. I can almost feel your pain from my office. I am going to pray that your husband is equally yoked with you and not selfish as he is making himself out to be right now. I would like to think that he too loves your father and is unable to deal with your father's illness. Some people go on drinking sprees and other self absorbing, destructive behaviors, when confronted with a situation they do not know how to deal with. Unfortunately, some men as well as some women, have grown on the outside and still spiritually immature on the inside. This leads to one thing. Hurt! Amber, sometimes hurting people hurt people and usually the ones they hurt are the ones they love the most. Why? Because that person or people are convenient. Nonetheless, it is not acceptable to behave in this manner at all.

I would not "X" him (your husband) out just yet. You have enough to deal with now. I would in a tactful, loving way let him know how he made you feel and let him know that he hurt you. Then continue to be by your dad's side. If your husband loves you let him go to the concerts if he so desires, but if he really is in love with you; he will fess up, love you and do what is right. You must concentrate on God, that is how you forgive him. Christ forgives us and we must forgive others. However, if he becomes a repeated offender then you will have to deal with the situation accordingly. You do not have to be mentally or emotionally abused to be loved. Your wedding vows means just what they said,"For better or worst, for richer or poorer, til death do you both part." Maybe there should be a little note left around for him to find. He might just need to be reminded of the convenant that he made with you and God.

Answer 7

some thing that befell over 25 years in the past very just about ruined my existence. each and every time i theory about it, the hatred again. even although the guy to blame in no way requested for my forgiveness, i eventually did. somebody else in touch did ask and through that aspect I had enable bypass of the animosity. There are some issues which ensue in existence that may in no way be forgiven or forgotten. i'm happy I chosen to no longer enable it smash what years I honestly have left.

Answer 8

Let me see if I have this right. He was an insensitive clod, and you are responding by having proxy affairs on Myspace. Everybody makes mistakes. Quit paying attention to the guys on-line (they want in your pants and little else), and pay atention to your marriage. He knows that he was wrong and you won't let him forget that he was wrong. If you really believe that life is so much better after divorce, then you need to talk with my ex. She found out the hard way that life was not really that much better with the "new guy".

Answer 9

Yes, you forgive...not for him but for yourself so that you can continue to grow. You need to talk to him and tell him that he hurt you and you expected him to be there and be a hell of lot understanding. You two took a vow, for better or for worse and in sickness and in health. He needs to stand by it. Talk it out, and after you talk about---you should think about if he was sincere and if you really want to continue with your marriage.

It takes time to completely forgive..but your not going to do it...if you don't let him know how you feel completely. And when you talk to him be sure to tell him what you told us and why you were hurt. Some men can be one-dimensional....they need to have it broken down

Answer 10

What your husband did was inexcusably rude, even if he was drunk. But it was petty of you to try and get revenge by seeking attention from other men.
It's good that he now wants to work on the relationship, and you should be mature enough to at least consider the idea. Tell him you will be willing to attend marital counseling IF he apologizes for his rude comments, and enrolls in an alcohol addiction problem.

Answer 11

Get couples counseling and work throught this. He now realizes he could lose you and seems willing to change. In counseling or otherwise make it clear to him you wont tolerate his behaviour (which to me sounds like hes still 16 years old and only interested in partying, going to concerts, drinking and sleeping). Its time for him to grow up.
I would forgive only if he is willing to stop his selfish ways and start acting like a man instead of a boy.