Why, in a divorce, do women typically receive custody over the children?

Question

Can someone please explain to me why, in a divorce, women typically receive custody over the children while the husband pays child-support? Hypothetically, there should be an equal amount of divorced men who get custody over the children as divorced women, but that isn't the case. What's up with the gender bias in divorce, favoring women in regards to child custody? Why are things this way?

Answer 1

Most cases are settled out of court. If a bias exists, and it very well may, it's probably because we view women as caregivers, and think of parenting as a woman's job. Another reason could be that for the most part, women ARE more actively involved in their mothering role than men are in their fathering role, and can successfully demonstrate that to judges.

My suggestion to men is that if you want custody of your kids, start being involved in their lives PRIOR to the divorce.

Answer 2

I really don't know. I believe that each case must be evaluated individually, and that shared custody, while it is hard on the kids, is the most equitable solution for the parents.

The child(ren) are better off with one full time home and a visiting parent.

So which needs are put first by the court?
I think most good parents would agree... the CHILD's needs are more important than the parent's. But I sure would not want to be the one to have to choose which parent get custody. No matter what, you'll have somebody ticked off.

Answer 3

Historically speaking, mothers are the primary caregivers, with the fathers being significantly less involved in caregiving. In addition, it is -- generally speaking -- the man who is the primary earner. Yes, of course there are families for which one or both of those generalizations does not hold, but we are talking about what you'll (still) find in the majority of two-parent households, and not in what you may or may not find in any one particular two-parent household.

As a practical matter, women are -- again, typically -- more likely to be willing to make career or employment sacrifices to be available for a child, and also more likely to be in an employment situation where a policy or a particular supervisor is sympathetic to the demands of being a working parent. For example, a father who seeks a more flexible working schedule, or a schedule that allows for partial telecommuting, to allow for availability to a child is not going to meet the same response as a woman seeking the same things -- it doesn't matter if the "boss" isn't sympathetic to either parent, the male will find scorn and derision where the female will not.

Why should there "hypothetically" be an equal amount of custodial fathers as custodial mothers? There is absolutely *not* an equal amount of fathers as primary caregivers as there are mothers who are primary caregivers. Nor an equal number of fathers willing to make career sacrifices in favor of parenting. For that matter, you will not find fathers seeking custody nearly as often as you'll find mothers doing the same.

I'm not saying this is good, or that just because things have been a certain way in the past that they should continue to be that way, or even that they have not changed significantly (if not significantly enough). But it is not because some lawyers were twiddling their thumbs one day and decided to think of some irrational way to stick it to the dads of this world. It's not that the term "gender bias" doesn't apply, because clearly it does. But when you examine the gender roles and gender biases at play in private/home life and in the workplace, the answer to your question is pretty clear.

Answer 4

Maybe because it could seem that the woman would be a better parent which isn't always true but sometimes it sadly is. Sometimes guys just like women can be really bad parents and the judge might see it a different way and the woman gets the children. Maybe because the judge could be speaking to the older children about who would be a better suited parent for them to stay with and that would be their mother usually but sometimes it is just an emotional attachment to their mother who gave birth to them but sometimes it can be their father the one who helped give them life and helped take care of them a real father.

Answer 5

Yes, typically the female/mom gets custody. I do see a shift to more fathers getting custody of one or more children when there are multiple siblings. It is tough on the kids, no matter the case or how conciliatory (agreeable) the divorce is.

Fathers are generally the breadwinners and mothers are generally the stay at home mom, the nurturer, the nurse, the cook, the wash maid, the glue of the house. It is not the case, more and more, to see both parents working which may eventually bring about more change in custody hearings. I think it is a cultural stigma for mothers to get custody primarily for their house keeping acumen and ability to foster needed care to children because they are not distracted so easily by career, sports, ego, friends. Mothers (good ones) give their lives up in favor of raising children. Self neglect is common among mothers who are involved in all facets of their children's lives. It's sort of like the shoe makers children running around barefoot, except in this case it is the mother who gives up her personal care and freedoms in order to always be the "mother at home".

A good mom is the one who can go weeks, months, and years without a mate, a new coat, a shopping trip to relax, have a girls night out, be taken out to dinner, have time for a bubble bath soak, a foot massage, or a trip to the salon for a hair cut, all without complaint. She would rather dote on her children and make sure they are taken care of and that they come first.

Answer 6

because the judicial system has been feminized and are quick to stereotype man by saying they are not fit to be the caretaker of the kids. we live in a world were woman want equality but they have no problem labeling man as irresponsible, lazy, and negligent. the hypocrisy is unbelievable.

Answer 7

You've gotta wonder if feminists aren't perpetuating this stereotype of women as nurturers by using it to justify bias in the family courts. The fact is this bias has been fought for long and hard by feminist organizations. Prior to feminism it was standard to give the father custody.

At other times feminists will say that the reason children from single mother families grow up with a statistically higher likelihood of maladjustment is because they grow up poor. This is not true, but let's say it is considering feminists insist it is - shouldn't we then give the children to the parent who is better able to keep them out of poverty. The parent who can provide for them best?

Giving the children to the parent best able to provide for them is just as cogent a reason as giving them to the "primary child carer" (even though these days the wife doesn't stays at home full-time that much anyway, particularly if the children are old enough to go to school), so the FACT is that the reason for this bias in the court system is the existence of a partisan and militant feminist lobby with no counter movement to ensure fairness.

Answer 8

Because women are usually the primary care givers. If there's a situation where the man was the primary care giver, then he would be given custody.

I have a male friend who was given custody of his children.

Answer 9

becaue just as you said, its a gender bias. My cousin had a son, the mother got custody, and shes a nut case, serious nut case. They had audio and video recordings of her flipping out, screaming, cussing, drunk, neglecting the kid. She left him on his back all the time and now his head is oddly shaped. She used the kid as leverage. she leaves him alone to go out partying, she had no job....but she has custody...because shes the mother. When the father is a good dad.

Answer 10

A lot of men actually don't want physical custody of their children. That's because they typically are the ones who move out of the family homes and they feel it is better for the children to stay where they still have their friends and go to the same school. Divorce is a traumatic experience for children and it can make it even worse for them if they are uprooted and have to go live somewhere else. Also, a lot of men feel they don't really have a lot of time to devote to their children because they are so focused on their careers. Besides, how are they able to actually care for their children? How many men can cook, shop for clothes, and take care of their children's other basic needs? Do they hire a nanny to do those things? How many of them are willing to take time off from work to take their children to the doctor, attend parent/teacher meetings, or go to special functions such as school plays or concerts? Then there are those who want to make a clean start in their lives after a divorce and they view their children as interference with their dating and social lives. It's nice to say that men want custody of their children in a divorce but be honest, how many of you are actually willing to follow through with your children's needs? Children aren't objects that can be put away when you're bored with them or tired of having them around.