My sister lives in North Carolina and I live in West Virginia. She lives about 5 - 6 hours away. My husband has this weekend off and my mom invited me and my husband to go to my sisters house with her, so she didn't have to go alone. He won't go because he doesn't want to have to deal with my sisters roommates 3 kids. I haven't been to her house in a little over 2 years, because he won't go. I've begged him to go, and I can't go without him... personal reasons. But Then he pulls this BS of "well when she comes in she doesn't make the effort to come and see you. So why should we drive 5 - 6 hours to go see her when we'll just get stuck babysitting anyways." She's only able to come in for 2 days at a time. And to make it easy for her we usually go to my moms to see her since she just lives down the road. He says I'm being selfish. But I don't think I am. My mom even told him that he could take the car and go site seeing, since he's never been to North Carolina. But he still won't go.
2007-10-25 06:58:28 · 14 answers · asked by Kaye 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's never been to my sisters house. And I said Personal reasons... so stop asking.
2007-10-25 07:08:33 · update #1
I guess if you really must know the reason(s) I can't go without him is because he doesn't want me going without him but he won't go with me, and some others but I will not say them on here. There is not compromising with him on this subject. He's right and I'm wrong. At least thats the way he sees it.
2007-10-25 07:11:43 · update #2
He always says that he doesn't get to see his brothers and sisters... they all live 15 minutes away from us. My sister lives 5 1/2 hours away. He's never gone with me to see her, and the last time I got to see her was 2 years ago this halloween. But he said that he wants to go see his dad this weekend. Which is perfectly fine with me. I told him that we could go to his dads house on Sunday when we got back around 6. and he said no because it would be too late, because his step mom won't let us come over if its past 5:00 because we stay too late, when we leave by 8:00.
And the only reason he doesn't like my sister is because in high school he wanted to date her and she blew him off. so now 6 years later he still hates her.
2007-10-25 07:23:15 · update #3
he is not abusive and I do not think he is out messin around or havin fun or whatever. I just believe that he should go with me. He has me go see everyone in his family with him. So he should have to do the same for me. He does not control me. And I'm not afraid of him.
2007-10-25 08:59:40 · update #4
I know you said 'personal reasons', but does he really have to be there? Your mom is there so you won't be lonely. I guess I could sympathize with you better if I understood why you can't go without him.
Edit: With all due respect, you're anonymous anyway. I'm not gonna remember this question in the next 3 hours. Is someone monitoring your activity? Can you at least say if they're medical reasons? Sorry to be a pest, but I want to help.
Edit: If he won't let you go without him, then he is wrong for being unwilling to compromise.There's no reason why he can't stay and you & your mom go by yourself. It's only 5-6 hours away.
FINAL EDIT: If you have that understanding (accompanying each other on trips) and non-abusive relationship, he should swallow his pride & let go of the past and go with you to see your sister. Geez, he's gonna get the car to go sightseeing anyway! And if your sister is close enough to Charlotte, NC, & he's an NFL fan, he can go see the Panthers get whipped by the Colts this Sunday (I totally should get best answer for finding your hubby something to do in NC - JK [;^)] ). Kickoff is at 1PM EST & it'll probably end around 4PM, so he might not be able to visit his dad if he goes...
2007-10-25 07:07:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not about who's right or wrong. It's about compromise. Does your mother have her own vehicle? Why can't you ride in with her? Obviously your husband senses something wrong on your sister's side and doesn't want to be part of it. He doesn't have to go if he doesn't want to. But, he should allow you to use the car if you want to go!! My husband often asks me why my parents can't come down to visit us (we also live in NC) and why we're always making the trip up there. Well, for my own personal reasons. Number one, going to my mom's house is a special treat for my kids. My mom has toys there that they don't have down here, she cooks up some delicious dinner and dessert--I mean, it's a real family gathering. My entire fam. is up in VA, so I kind of like to make rounds. Tell your husband that you understand, but that it really means a lot to you to see your sister. If he can't accept that, then it's time you saved up for a second car. And if you're not allowed to drive, then take a bus or train. You'll spend about the same in gas anyway...
2007-10-25 14:13:40 · answer #2 · answered by Jennifer R 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Leave your husband alone on this one. His needs are not being met when he visits your sister and until they are he won't be going. What are you personal reason for not just going with your Mom? Think you will have to work on those! And no more begging - he can't stand that!
2007-10-25 14:04:14 · answer #3 · answered by curiouscanadian 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he doesn't want to go fine - he doesn't want to go. But YOU want to go so GO.
It would be a cold day in hell in before my husband told me where I could and could not go. My first husband used to do that - and he was also an abusive monster. From the underlying tone of your post - you are very likely an abused woman who needs to take this opportunity to run like hell from the situation you are in.
Control is abuse - and as for the rest of what he is likely doing to you - probably also abuse.
Only you can make a decision on what to do in this situation. If you want to continue your life being abused - then be abused, but don't whine about it. If you want a life - run while you can.
2007-10-25 14:16:33 · answer #4 · answered by Susie D 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You just want HIM to go because you are insecure that he might be out having fun while YOU are gone. You are LYING....he wants YOU to go, he just doesn't want to go......Your story makes no sense at all!!! At first you say "personal reasons"...then you say those "personal reasons" are that he doesn't want you to go without him but the "personal reasons" are REALLY THAT YOU DON'T TRUST HIM!!!
Whats the big deal??? I'd go without him!
2007-10-25 14:27:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband sounds posessive to me but that's just my opinion and you must "love" him to allow him to treat you that way. You are in charge of your own life and if you want to go see your sister YOU SHOULD GO...
2007-10-25 14:51:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well go for your self. You dont need him to go, i made my wife go by her self somewhere. But i work 2 jobs full time.
I just like to rest on the weekends.
2007-10-25 14:06:35 · answer #7 · answered by kevin02915 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have been in this situation, and it is you being selfish. It also sounds like you are being used by your sister, and are afraid to admit it.
2007-10-25 14:32:49 · answer #8 · answered by gusto_musto 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Compromise, one time he goes, the next time he stays home.
You didn't mention why you can't go without him?
2007-10-25 14:05:46 · answer #9 · answered by countryguyhfc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he doesn't want to go with you, then you have two choices, either you can go by yourself or stay at home. it's that simple. he's selfish and there seems to be no changing that, so work around it.
2007-10-25 14:50:09 · answer #10 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋