My husband and I had a miscarriage last month. We have been together for 5 years. TTC for 6 months... His best friend visiting from another state is coming here to visit in a couple of weeks that just got his g/f of 3 months pregnant (shotgun wife of 1 week). They had the conversation whether or not to keep the baby. It is really painful for me to even go into the baby section of a store. How am I going to deal with her for an entire weekend? You know that they are going to be talking about her being pregnant. I think that it is too soon for them to visit. Need some advice.
2007-10-25 06:40:42 · 19 answers · asked by Jamie12345 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
My Husband stated that I should "keep in mind also that Jealousy is a very powerful and very BAD thing. It can bring out the worst in people."
I am not Jealous. I am an emotional wreck. I may be a little envious. BUT their situation is aweful...
2007-10-25 10:50:13 · update #1
First, I'm sorry for your loss.
As for the visitors, arrange for them to stay in a hotel and for your visits to be short, but pleasant. A nice dinner out one night and a brunch on the weekend should be perfect. If you need to see them more, suggest a movie (no talking) for one night.
2007-10-25 06:44:37 · answer #1 · answered by kja63 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I can honestly say "I know how you feel". I had two miscarriages and a premature son. He didn't make it through the first day.
If you think it may be difficult to face this pregnant friend, then explain this to your husband. Tell him that you would prefer that they not come to the house. If he wants to socialize, then he can do it outside the home. You can use the excuse that you are still not feeling well. I'm sure that they will understand.
You will not always feel this way. As time goes by, you will be able to deal with such things, but for now, let yourself greive.
I have two children, now. Boys. One turned 25 today and the other is 15. I have never forgotten the babies I lost, especially John who was born and died 26 years ago, but now when I think of them, I get misty, but only for a minute. Life goes on...
2007-10-25 06:51:47 · answer #2 · answered by Denise P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right! Way too early for them to come to visit!!! Tell your husband how you feel, he really should agree with you and cancel their visit or postpone it for another time.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this! Life is really harsh and ironic. Here are these two people maybe not meant for each other, getting pregnant, able to keep a baby, considering to just relinquish it's life because of their predicament and you, a very caring individual who wanted a baby more than anything in a committed lasting relationship losing your dream in a quick moment. I want you to keep the faith, (if you aren't religious, I apologize) and pray for your dream to come true. People like you deserve that dream.
Good luck and God bless you and your husband.
2007-10-25 06:50:39 · answer #3 · answered by sadmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for your loss. I suffered from infertility for 4-1/2 years before conceiving, so I know how hard it is to deal with pregnant women when you have empty arms yourself. My best advice would be to try and be cordial to your house guests, but protect your own heart. Possibly make up an excuse about having to work or visit a family member, sick friend, etc. and spend time out of the house while they're there (that is, if your husband is comfortable entertaining them on his own). I tried to avoid pregnant women at all costs when I was going through infertility. Looking back, I suppose some women perceived it as rude but you have to look out for yourself first and foremost. Good luck.
2007-10-25 06:46:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should ask your husband to have a chat with them and explain to them the pain that you are both going through and possibly could they postpone their visit? They may be worrying about visiting you for the exact same reason. If however you want them to come your husband could point out that you would prefer not to talk about baby topics as the pain is still very raw.
My sympathy on your loss. x
2007-10-25 06:45:07 · answer #5 · answered by not2posh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need some time to yourselves to grieve before you force yourself to deal with others. If possible, reschedule the visit for a later date and take some time to just try to cope. What you've gone through has already been very difficult, it doesn't need to be exacerbated by having to put on a front for other people. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope that you can find some peace in your life. Best of luck.
2007-10-25 06:48:02 · answer #6 · answered by ♀B♀S♀ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband this really makes you uncomfortable and you have not had time to grieve your loss. Women and men deal with this type of loss different so he may already be over it. However women have a loooong memory and this is extremely hurtful for you because you carried the baby and physically lost it.
I think it's too much too soon for you and your husband should really consider your feelings and explain to his friend that they need to reschedule the trip.
GoodLuck and Godbless!!!
2007-10-25 06:45:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
since your husband and he are such good friends, then simply have hubby explain to friend to please limit the baby talk. that the topic is still pretty hard for you guys and even though you're very happy for them, you'd appreciate it if they just limit the baby talk.
i think you should honor the visit. sure, it's hard, but you can do this. if you cancel the visit then they will almost definitely get offended. see, they will see at as "why can't you be happy for them, even though you have trouble getting pregnant....you should still be happy for them".
it would just be a mess.
just put on a smile and try to make it.
i don't think there's anything wrong asking for a limit to baby talk though:)
take care:)
2007-10-25 06:52:37 · answer #8 · answered by joey322 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aw, I feel so bad for you.... Hmm, this would be hard.... I would see if they could pass up your house this time!! It is way too soon.. I'm sure your husband would understand... Or tell them all to go out somewhere and catch up on old times. I am so sorry about you're loss and the pain you must feel right now. Take care.
2007-10-25 06:46:22 · answer #9 · answered by ~Kim~ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is totally reasonable for you to feel that way.
It might be appropriate to ask them to respect your situation by being sensative and keep their current situation on the down low. Their company otherwise might be much needed since friends can keep your mind from the current situation.
Or replan their visit.
Good luck and I'm sorry to hear what happened.
2007-10-25 06:45:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋