Hetero Males: does your woman contradict you in public?

Question

Has this happened to you?
Do you think they do this out of pure genetic programming?
My wife seems totally oblivious to my boiling anger, totally.
It's like she cannot resist saying something.
Do you do anything about it?

I've seen it happen millions of times before growing up. A man will be talking to someone about just any topic and his woman (girlfriend, wife, etc.) will step in and say something to cut him down. Sometimes the guy can barely say two sentences before she's doing it again and again.

I'm older now, it's happening to me by my wife (once in awhile). Men typically do not do this, because in the male world, those would be fighting words. It seems to me that the female, once away from the privacy of the home feels a certain safety in public, where she'd never get away with saying such things at home since it's rude and insulting, but the man must save face in public.

Females: feel free to add your input too; especially if you have some insight into this behaviour.

Answer 1

i used to do it because i didn't understand.
i was just freely expressing myself.
clarifying things with my own opinion.
it was never an intent to cut the other person down exactly.

now i am older i understand and i do not do it. but it's hard because my man often says things that i would characterize very differently; standing silently by makes me complicit.

try to understand the woman's perspective. she is just joining in the conversation with her (opposing opinion).
i think there are ways to handle it if you don't see it as cutting that might make things better.

bob: i missed the game because my car broke down saturday
joe: and we watched the football game and had a great time
jane: you had a great time, i was stuck cooking and cleaning up after all your friends
joe: well i guess jane sees it differently
jane: i sure do, you and your friends are such slobs
joe: oh, i thought you loved us. how about if I do those dishes when we get home? would that help you feel better?
Jane: what you never do the dishes, i don't believe it
joe: bob and i are going to look at his car, was it the alternator that crapped out?

Answer 2

How about an example of what you would say and then what she would say that would be cutting you down? Because while I think I get what you're saying, I'm hesitant to comment without insight into what you personally consider "contradicting".

I've seen my mom do something like that to her husband (who is not my dad) and sometimes it seems like she's kidding and sometimes I sense some anger behind her words. She didn't have a good relationship with her own father and I think that is reflected in the way she views men now.

I am conscious of it and careful to not do anything in public or even private to embarrass my husband in that kind of way. Whether you are a man or a woman, you don't want to be made to look foolish in front of other people.

On the other hand, I think there are some women who do it in a teasing way, without meaning harm. Maybe they sense an argument brewing between you and someone else and they try to diffuse it by making a comment that will sort of deflate the argument.
Society makes it difficult for women in this world because we're always encouraged to go along to get along, to not raise our voices or make waves or whatever. If you're viewing her as someone who doesn't even have the right to voice her own opinion--then that's another matter altogether and offensive in its own right.

I don't think it is a matter of feeling safety in public, but a matter of showing to the world that she's equal to you in smarts and can give and take with the best of 'em. If she's doing it in a joking way, I can see that would be all right. If she's doing it deliberately mean spirited, then I can see how you'd be upset. That's not cool at all.

Have you tried ever talking to her about this? Not accusatorily, but just calmly and straightforwardly asking her why she feels the need to cut you down in front of others?
Talking about it seems a way to go. Don't boil in anger. That just cuts years off your life. You have to communicate. She may be following old bitter habits of her own mother and may not entirely even realize she's doing it! Talk it out.

Answer 3

My fiance and I really try hard to be on the same team, and most of the time we're successful. She's tried it once or twice, but I have a very low tolorence for anyone, family, friends, man or woman when I sense they are working to immasculate, or tear me down.

If you've got a woman who's doing this to you (conciously or otherwise), tell her flat out right then and there, that you find her behavior disrespectful. You can't expect her to change her behavior if she doesn't know what she's doing is wrong. And if she knows what she's doing is disrespectful, you can't expect her to change if she believes you don't have enough self respect to stand up to her (publicly or otherwise)

Answer 4

It's happened to me,too,with one former girlfriend especially.
Notice I describe her as "former". I have a very low tolerance
for rudeness.

It's not being contradicted that I mind so much. It's being cut
down in front of other people in a way I feel they will talk about
among themselves later. If it happens once or twice,I can live
with it,but on a regular basis it's unacceptable. I treat people
with respect in public and that's all I ask in return.

Answer 5

I've seen it down in different ways, but my wife and I made a pact when we were married to never cut each other down at all even in jest, and we've stuck to it fairly well.


Edit:
I guess we do interrupt each other often though, although it seems to me that she interrupts more, but that may be my impression.

Answer 6

Yep, it's happened.

I come to the conclusion that she's officially lost her mind when she does, and keep moving.