Where do you draw the line with online friends of the opposite sex? When does friendship become an online affair? Am I being paranoid, or is this something I should be worried about? Our home lives have become rather dull, but I don't think he's cheated on me, at least yet.
My hubby is talking to an ex of his via email and some of the comments are becoming quite explicit. He left his email open one night and I quite innocently noticed what was happening and had to read. They are planning to get together when he is in the area during christmas break. She lives out of state, so for now it has been confined to email. They are reminescing about their days as teenagers nearly 20 years ago and how they should not have broken up the relationship. He talks about taking her swimming with her two children, wanting to see her again in a bathing suit. He wants to get a seedy hotel room for them both to meet up in.
2007-10-25 05:41:44 · 12 answers · asked by Wendy G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
She tells him how large he is and how she wishes she had experienced it fully rather than limiting to hands and oral. She has explicit dreams of him and thinks of him when she is alone at night. It details the back seat of the car, putting his hands under her shirt, how he tasted, why they didn't just go for condoms, and wondering how it would feel after all these years. He's sent her a detailed 'sex survey' with many questions regarding her fav positions, how many times per week, etc. She answered that she would answer in terms of how she'd like sex with him. They have both emailed about fantasies of being with the other, and on it goes.
What if anything should I do? So far it's just email, but at which point are they going too far?
2007-10-25 05:43:16 · update #1
I've tried discussing his friendship, but he says there is nothing to worry about. I don't want him to know I've been reading his email either. How can I be subtle in this without causing even more trouble? I don't want us to break up, but he has to put a stop to his online fantasy affair.
2007-10-26 02:10:41 · update #2
Sweetie, I didn't have to finish reading this to say THIS IS OVER THE LINE....beware....and be protected as this is going to seemingly become reality. His desire is obvious. Once the desire overtakes his other brain, as it seems to already be doing, I am afraid you already have a problem. He is thinking about it, which means you are taking in at #2. Once he goes on Christmas Break....then you cant very well follow him....unless you invite yourself to go along, or just show up there and surprise him. That could stop the action, not the desire. Be forewarned and protect yourself, before he finds out you do already know. (backup the Finances if you can before you let him know about him and her.) Plan,Prepare,Protect....Good Luck
2007-10-25 05:55:09 · answer #1 · answered by Toffy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has already crossed the line! He's your husband, not some other woman's play toy. You need to confront him about this issue as soon as possible!! It would be silly not to since he has set up a date to meet with this woman. Of course they're going to act out all of these fantasies when they get together. He's desiring some other woman, and you probably won't be able to change the way he feels. But you CAN leave him!
2007-10-25 06:30:23 · answer #2 · answered by kyliekissesx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break that one off. He pretty much admitted in the emails they are going to hook up. If he's not over her after 20 years, he won't ever be. It might be just an online thing for now, but come christmas, it sounds like it will be a offline affair.
2007-10-25 05:46:26 · answer #3 · answered by Brian C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To tell you the truth that is crossing the line. Talking to your ex like that is not acceptable when he is with you. If they were friends that is one thing and just having innocent talk like how things going today? What's new? That kind of stuff. This is crossing the line. I don't know what to do with him though. You shouldn't tolerate it, that much I know. But what to do? You could talk to him and give him one chance to tell the truth and then give it to him and just go somewhere else and leave him. He isn't worth it if he is going back with his ex. If he is honest he will tell you if you ask. If he lies to you, stand up to him and then if you want to go to someone's house to stay for awhile til you can get a place. You don't deserve that kind of hurt with him sleeping or wanting to with his ex. This emailing is crossing the line. Confront him before hand and give that chance to tell you the truth. If he doesn't then it is up to you but I would leave him. Only if he follows through with it. At least try to talk to him and see if he will be honest with you. That is all I have.
2007-10-25 05:54:30 · answer #4 · answered by runner 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they've already gone too far. lusting so for someone other than your spouse, even if it is just in your mind (so far) is still an affair, and with the way you say their talkng, it won't be only in his mind much longer. i think you should tell him you know what's been going on, and you'de like to talk to him about it. if he knows you know, it might take away some of the "taboo" factor and thus make it less appealing. everyone's bound to have some of the "what might have been", but they have definately gone too far. P.S. there's really no reason he needed to be keeping up a friendship with an ex anyway.
2007-10-25 05:49:08 · answer #5 · answered by pinksugarblue 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They both have crossed the line. They are having an online affair and by their plans to get together and meet confirms that they are planning to go further. You should confront your husband and he should stop if he has any regard to the relationship he has with you. If you two are having problems in your relationship, it won't be solved by him turning to others (either online or in person).
2007-10-25 05:50:32 · answer #6 · answered by Snickerdoodle 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OMG, Wendy check it out! take it from me that I have done that kind of stuff being on a relationship. That is not friendship, and muchless just an inoccent friend of your husband, He is so going to tap that. Trust me he was just testing the water asking all those questions, and she gave him the green light.
Sorry to tell you but he is going to, and is mostlikely already cheating on you.
But F" him, move on with your life as much as it hurts, that also I tell you from personal experience.
You have to leave him, and find the right one for you.
Sorry
2007-10-25 05:52:54 · answer #7 · answered by Sgt Black Mamba 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not being paranoid. this email exchange is not ok. you need to have a talk with him and see what is going on. he may not have physically cheated on you yet but isn't he already cheating in his heart and his mind? my heart goes out to you. put your foot down and make him examine his actions. maybe this can be turned into something good in the end. stay strong.
2007-10-25 06:05:29 · answer #8 · answered by adelaide 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to tell you this dear, but it already has gone too far. He is talking about acting out sexual fantasies with this woman that he used to date. It's wrong. Dead wrong. You need to print out everything, put it away and then approach him on it. Let him know that you don't want him to speak with her anymore. Really, I'm quite disturbed by this behavior.
2007-10-25 05:46:42 · answer #9 · answered by Kim D 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
that is cheating and they are both trying to play this "safe cheating" game because its online. It will only take the oppurtunity before its real!
2007-10-25 06:20:10 · answer #10 · answered by MommyCouture! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋