i stay home during the week with my twin 15 month old boys...i clean,wash clothes,cook,etc. i work two 16 hour shifts on weekends.heres my dilema...for the last year,my wife and i have had no relationship other than our boys.when she gets home from work during the week,she goes to bed..we spend no time together..i am at a point where i need some adult interaction..talk,laughter,etc...i mean im with 15 month olds for 14 hours a day..ive been telling her this for about a month and all she does is get defensive and mad.she turns it into an argument..all im doing is letting her know im slippin away and she seems to not care..what should i do ?
2007-10-25 05:19:35 · 34 answers · asked by bojack 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you guys ever have a day off together? If not, then you should try to schedule a day off that she has....
Once you do this, make plans for a "YOU" day. Leave the kids at a sitter for the day and you two just go off and do things on your own. Maybe away from the hum-drum everyday life she's built for herself and you, she'll open up and relax and you two can reconnect. In religious venues this is called a "couples retreat."
It just sounds like she's gotten so wrapped up in life, work and the kids that she's exhausted. 15 months with TWINS is hard on anyone....yourself included.
As a last resort, you two need counseling to figure out what's going on.
2007-10-25 05:26:36 · answer #1 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I am a stay at home mom and let me tell you that sometimes the job goes unappreciated. Okay, not sometimes. MOST of the time. My husband owns his own car dealership and is gone early and home late. Did you know a stay at home parent works the equivalent of 2 full time jobs?! It's true! Maybe your wife is feeling left out because she doesn't get to stay at home with her baby. When did she return to work? Perhaps she's going through a more serious case of post partum depression. If she's getting defensive it might be because she's depressed. Give her a chance. She might also feel like she's slacked off so bad that it would take a lot of work to fix the problem and maybe she feels hopeless as well? Have a quiet talk with your wife. Don't make her feel bad for being distant from you. DON'T resort to divorce just yet. Unless she's cheating on you, give her an opportunity to explain how she's feeling. I know for a fact that when I get stressed, the last thing on my mind is sex. This is just the way women are, honey. Pay attention to the way she speaks and the way she moves when you talk to her. There may be some underlying issues. Good luck and best wishes!
2007-10-25 05:56:02 · answer #2 · answered by Jennifer R 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know how you feel I have a 9 month old and a 2 year old and I wish I could have more interaction with adults too! My friends no longer speak to me. There more the partying type and now that I can no longer do that. They barley talk to me. Why don't you plan for a relative to watch your children on her day off and take her to see a movie or a nice dinner! Gain some romance back into your relationship. Never divorce!!!! Try to make this relationship work before you ever start a new one! Maybe you can have a nice warm bath ready when she gets home with candles. My boyfriend and I have a great connection we always talk things out and sometimes we do feel like were falling apart because of kids. We just get together talk a little and sometimes for no reason he'll go and by me flowers! I wish the best of luck!
2007-10-25 05:46:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It really makes me ill when the first thing people say is "divorce". Divorce isn't the answer to people's problem. You get into another relationship there is no guarantee of happiness. Put the kids to bed early and have a serious conversation with her. You need to converse with your wife, not tell her. There is a difference between telling someone and having a conversation. Also, any chance you can get together with other stay at home dads to have adult interaction during the week? Maybe also, she can agree to take a short nap and then spend time with you.
2007-10-25 05:37:51 · answer #4 · answered by Pinolera 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Communication really is key. I know ppl say that a lot, but it's because it's TRUE. Be careful when you talk to her though...don't say anything accusing, don't raise your voice or make threats to leave, etc, cuz that will almost always put her on the defensive and you guys will just end up arguing. You need to just tell her how you feel. Say something like "I really wanna spend time with you. I understand that your always tired when you come home from work, but do you think that we can try to work out some kind of schedule so that we can spend time together? I feel like we're drifting apart, and I don't want that to happen. I love you and I miss you."
Also, maybe when she gets home from work you can give her a massage or something. That is something that will help her relax, and it's also very intimate.
I just think it's way to early for you to give up on the relationship. Fight for it. Do everything you can to make it work, and if things still aren't any better, then seek counseling, if you think that might help. Good luck!
2007-10-25 05:31:18 · answer #5 · answered by Kristabella 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let your wife know how you are feeling in a non-accusatory kind of way. Don't even bring her behavior into it. Just say you miss her and would love to spend more time together. You noticed that she's seemed tired and you want to recharge together. What does she like to do? Surprise her with a night out planned by you. Secure the babysitter and tickets to a game or concert or show or whatever. Does she like gifts? Surprise her with something. It doesn't have to be expensive. What chores are her responsibility? Do them for her. "I noticed how tired you are and so I already took care of it for you." Marriage isn't 50-50 it's both people giving 100% always. It isn't always fair. Sometimes I feel like I give everything and my husband nothing but then it is suddenly reversed and he is the giver. Love isn't a feeling it's a choice. It's a verb, an action. It's saying, I will love you no matter how unlovable you may become, and I will show you that love through my actions and my words. I will give you everything I can because you are more important to me than myself. It sounds like you have almost given up. Good luck!
2007-10-25 06:15:24 · answer #6 · answered by lotta_nada 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you guys need some serious counseling! There has to be a reason why she's withdrawn from you this much. I can only assume that up until the twins were born everything was good? But there had to be something to change... Hopefully she doesn't look down on the fact that you're a stay at home dad, that could be a reason. What are her excuses for her behavior and mood? Do you see signs that there could be someone else?
2007-10-25 05:30:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you guys should be spending less time with the kids and more time together. It's great that you're a loving father but you're also a husband, too. Remember, before you became a father, you were a husband (I presume...)
A good marriage requires quality time together, no matter what. Try going on a date together. Hire a babysitter, and go somewhere. Just the two of you. Heck, have a second honeymoon. To save the marriage, it's worth it.
By the way, good to hear that you care about the kids. Good job!
2007-10-25 05:36:11 · answer #8 · answered by airforcewolf 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Children put a huge strain on a relationship! There are so many things that could be causing her to be withdrawn, but you really shouldn't try to assume anything! You have to talk to her! Ask her what is going on. If she refuses to talk to you, then you need to sit down and put your feelings on paper. Don't give up until you are heard! If she continues to ignore you and your needs, then counceling should be your next step. Sometimes having someone there to mediate and translate can help a lot! Your marriage is very important, so give it everything you have. If you do that, and you still get no results, then seperation or divorce may be necessary. Just don't ever threaten her with that!! That will only cause more resentment.
2007-10-25 05:53:16 · answer #9 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have become the woman of the house.
She no longer sees you as a man.
Then there is always the chance she has found an other man at work. I would give her the cold shoulder. Don't try to interact with her. Leave her alone for a while.. If she doesn't come around, it will be a strong indication of infidelity.
You are going tro have to find a new lady for you, and a mom for your boys.
2007-10-25 05:32:46 · answer #10 · answered by Harry Laborde 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋