How does one go about doing this?

Question

How do you do mutual agreements when it involves children and something other then what the court order says but neither party wants to go to court, they want to deal with it outside the courts time. The Mom proposed something the dad agreed, will it hold up in court since they both agreed? Even if someone stops agreeing wont the judge see that they tried to do something else before coming to court?

Answer 1

My divorce decree is actually drawn up with this sort of language (for visitation).
It came out of a really bad situation because my ex was totally weirded out at the time and wouldn't disclose his address, financial info, etc., and I was able to get him to sign the papers this way for the sake of the kids if I wouldn't dig into his finances---in my way of thinking my kids were worth more than any amount of $$ he was hiding.
Anyway, over the years it has more or less worked, although we've both had to threaten to take it back to court, we've been willing to compromse to keep from lining lawyers' pockets further!

Anyway the visitation is NOT standard every other weekend stuff, but states that it is to be "seasonable and reasonable and mutually agreed to by both parties". They were also originally supposed to stay for overnight visits with his parents (because he was so irresponsible at the time) unless mutual agreed to otherwise. I have since allowed him to keep children in his home with his new wife since he has straightened up a bit and appears to be at least trying to clean up his act and his disclosed address, etc. Plus the kidsd are now older (my son drives) so they have more control and discernment about safe/unsafe situations, etc.

Talk to your attorney to see if he/she can draw up a co-parenting agreement that works for you & leaves you some flexibility. Usually the judge will allow it, because they know that no matter what the papers say, that's what you will have to do in reality anyway unless you want to keep dragging each other back to court and paying more attorney's fees and court costs every time you turn around. I think the court would be especially inclined to approve this sort of deal if you both went to parenting classes or to a mediator so that the deal truly reflected an objective process.

Good luck--divorce is never easy, because if you could really agree about everything and get along well together you wouldn't be splitting up, would you? Try to put everything in the perspective of "the best interest of the children". That's the standard the court/judge usually goes by.

Answer 2

My suggestion to you would be to make up some sort of agreement or contract between the mother and father stating what has been agreed on, including the date the contract/agreement was made and for how long it will be effective and then have both parties sign an original copy. This way each party has an original copy of the agreement. At least this way, if it ever has to go to court, you can prove what was agreed on. If you want have it notorized or go to your lawyer. Many will say don't try agreeing on something outside of the court, but many, many parents have been able to agree upon something without an issues later on. I commend you for trying to handle this like adults instead of going to court automatically.

Answer 3

If the parties come to a mutual agreement then you need to write it out, be very detailed, take it to a notary, sign it and have it notarized.
A notarized document is a legal document that will hold up in court. Sometimes it doesn't even have to be notarized, but to be on the safe side, notarize it!

If it is just a verbal agreement, it depends on which state you are in. Some states do not accept verbal agreements as a form of a contract. Others do. Until recently I thought that a verbal agreement wouldn't hold up because it is just "he said she said" but I was in fact wrong. In some states verbal agreements are a form of an enforceable contract.

Answer 4

Nothing agreed to outside the order of the court has any legal weight at all, and should never, ever be attempted by two parties. I don't care how well you seem to be getting along, or how much sense the decision seems to make, I can promise you it will all break down further down the road. Save yourselves some grief and get it from the court.

Answer 5

yes you can handle it out of court. all you have to do is get a lawyer and do all the paper work that way. Both partys and their lawyer will meet and agreed on it. then they will both sign the paper work only if they agreed on it. Then the lawyer will take it to the courts showing it has been agreed on by both partys.

Answer 6

I would say get something in writing and both parties sign it. Then go before the judge and show him what was agreed upon.

Answer 7

My suggestion would be to make an agreement and get it in writing with signatures. Then, have it notarized. That agreement will hold up in court if it is notarized.

Answer 8

in most states any custody agreement must be ok'ed by C/S. If they are ok, the doc is signed and notarized, you should be ok