I recently discovered that my Husband has been having a secret affair with a workmate who I knew and never thought they could have sex. Several occassions I thought they were seeing each other but when I ask my Husband he would always deny and in fact get annoyed. But recently all hell broke lose, My Husband and the Lady got into a huge misunderstanding and it was brought to my attention that they have had a sexual relationship with this girl for some time now. My Man has said he will never do such a thing again and will never ever, see this girl again but am not so sure. You can imagine the pain am going through now. Advise. I have two children with him. One aged 4 yrs the other one is 4 mths. we have been married for 6 years and he has never been unfaithfull until now.
2007-10-25 04:03:00 · 26 answers · asked by mwilaeuzaih 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i had an affair with someone and he did in fact stop seeing me. he wouldn't return my messages, email anything. so, it's possible that he means it and won't have anything to do with her anymore. it's hard to say for sure though, b/c everyone is different. the guy i was with told me that no matter what he'd never leave his family.
ha, at first i thought you were talking about me in your question, but his kids are much older. yikes.
oh, and we did work together. i got a new job.
i also wanted to add that this guy was with his wife for a very long time (i never asked how many years exactly) but he never cheated before. and i honestly don't think he ever would again.
i don't want you to give up hope on your husband. men are stupid and they do stupid things that they don't always mean to.
2007-10-25 04:10:41 · answer #1 · answered by buk84 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
The only advice I can give you is to keep the other woman out of it. She is not a part of your marriage. She did not make a commitment to you to NOT sleep with your husband. She has nothing to do with this. Your husband is 100% responsible for what happened and you need to deal with THAT problem--not some random woman's punishment so you feel better. You talk about vindication and being so angry and wanting them to pay for what they did. But I would ask you, is there ANYTHING that could possibly pay him back for the hurt and pain he has caused you and your soon to be new family? I don't think there is. You are either ready to allow him to work to get your trust back or you're not. You need to choose. Anger is a very powerful thing. It festers and can eat a person up for a long, long time. Unfortunately you have been hurt during a time when it's very hard to make the decision to leave because of your child on the way. But you need to make that decision. Just remember that trying to exact revenge will never give you satisfaction. And that the woman involved should not be forced into your marital battle.
2016-04-10 04:26:50 · answer #2 · answered by Heather 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first thing you need to do is get counseling together to see what comes of that. It may be a one time thing that will never happen again but he has to make that determination and prove to you that he is committed to you enough to pass on the temptation next time. since your youngest is 4 months old, they could have started that when you were pregnant, which is not excuse but shows that he is thinking with a part of his body other than his head. Of course he has to quit that job, or she does, or there is not a lot of chance that it may not happen again.
Perhaps the counseling will help you decide whether he falls into the category of once a cheater always a cheater, in which case the marriage should be over, or someone who was tempted by this girl and couldn't resist but will work harder to make the marriage work now that he sees all that he has to lose by being unfaithful. the fact that you went 6 years without cheating makes me think he may indeed be sorry and never do it again, but I would make him earn the right to continue the marriage by treating you as he did before you were married rather than as simply a wife. Good luck to you whatever you decide!!
2007-10-25 04:23:18 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hhhmmmmm, I try to put myself in your shoes and I know what its like to be divorced with a child the kids hurt the worst. But I don't know what its like to have my husband cheat on me either. However, I wouldn't run out too quickly for the kids sake only, but I certainly wouldn't let it pass either. If you let him off the hook you will never get over it and he will just end up doing it again. Personally I would be so hurt that I would pack and take the kids and leave for a while and really think about whether or not this man is worthy enough for me and my children. They just had a fight but been seeing each other for a while? That means they have feelings for one another and its just not sex anymore. OOOh I'd be so pissed you have no idea! Time is going to heal but you should stay away from him right now so you can clear your head. Figure out what you need to do for you and the kids. I know your so hurt as we all would be, but try to keep your head up high he is going to lose it all .....not you! He already has lost your trust and in a marriage thats HUGE Best of luck to you. Be strong
2007-10-25 04:23:05 · answer #4 · answered by Maria 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you are feeling. The same thing happened to me. I forgave my husband for the sake of our children. Unfortunately he took this as me giving him permission to do it again. I found out about the next affair after a year. During the divorce I found out about 3 more affairs.
Only you can make the decision, but remember you have to be able to trust him and try not to throw the affair in his face every time you have an argument.
2007-10-25 04:23:11 · answer #5 · answered by Dory 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you do not know that he has never been unfaithful. You just want to believe that. Cheaters cheat until they get caught and then they cheat again after they think the coast is clear.
I always say divorce is the only answer. The marriage is destroyed as there is no way to ever trust him again. You will never feel the same about him.
There is a reason that he cheated. He either does not respect you or he is running away from marital problems that you are having. Either way, his cheating is unacceptable and not something forgivable.
Take care,
Troy
2007-10-25 04:10:42 · answer #6 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
once a man cheats and gets away with it they will cheat again. They will just be more careful about who they cheat with. If this girl was single he will now go for a married woman who cheats. It's safer that way because she doesn't want to get caught. Children or not if you were to divorce him you would surley get support for the children. And there are new laws where the wife can also sue the other woman. Hope she has big money and napp them both.
2007-10-25 07:50:08 · answer #7 · answered by holley757 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An affiar is way worse than a one night stand. I think I could forgive my husband if he had a one night stand, but an affiar? I don't think so. An affiar has emotions attached to it. Basically your husband is capable of living a double life and did so for quite some time. Meanwhile he was still having sex with you for you to have two small children. I know its painful, My ex did that to me and it killed me. Some men are just not capable of having a good character. He even lied to you when you asked him about it and got annoyed? He really doesn't love you. He's a selfish person who I dont' believe can be redeemed. He will do this again in the future. If he sought outside fullfillment once, he will seek it again. Quit having kids with this man and be independent. You dont' want HIV. That happens to women all the time, their men are fooling around and low and behold, they end up with some horrible disease that they didn't deserve. If you have the strength and support of friends and family, ulitize those resources and move on. That is unforgivable.
2007-10-25 04:10:22 · answer #8 · answered by Brittney 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Find out why he cheated. Then evaluate whether you can work together to make the marriage whole again. But you must remember that you will have to live with the memories of his infidelity.
If you are able and willing to do the above and you think you still love your husband and can trust him again, then do what you can to keep your family together. If not, the best solution is probably to part ways.
2007-10-25 04:41:32 · answer #9 · answered by cherie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's difficult to answer.....there are people out there whose husbands/wives have cheated on them and they have worked through it and have stayed together yet there are also those who thought they worked through it and now they are miserable cause they don't trust their significant other anymore....I do not believe in staying for the kids..so with that said you need to do what you feel is right what you think you can handle...if you stay can you honestly say that you will ever be able to trust him again?....if you go can you support yourself and your children? do you have family that can help you? if he is willing to do whatever it takes like maybe the 2 of you going to marraige counseling and you feel you will be able to in time forgive and build a trust factor again with him than by all means stay .....if not than you know what you have to do....Good Luck to you I am sorry you are in pain...you will get through this. Take care.
2007-10-25 04:20:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋