has anyone ever had to change their whole set of friends?

Question

?? i am finding this quite difficult but i nearly all the people i know are into drugs and drink and i go back into the same thing when i hang with them, however i dont have a big family and so feel lonely without them! i have however just started a new job where no one does anything like that but obviously ittakes time to change, has anyone ever beenthrough this themselves? i'd appreciate any motivating stories cos at the moment im feeling a bit sort of trapped by my past

i think that is how i feel about my friends they are ok to party but no real intimacy which is why i think i drink a lot

Answer 1

Yeh many times.
My first real group of friends started smoking weed when i was still very sceptical about it so i made a new group of friends from a totally different world, private school boys who were into parties n drinkin heavily but a little bit self centred to say the least.
Then i started seeing my other group of mates again and started smokin da green (and still am) and eventually moved onto harder stuff.
I then made another group of friends who knew my current group but they were into terrorising the streets, smashing windows, chasing people, and couldn't have a good night unless we been chased by the po po at least once. Got outa that pretty quick!
I then stumbled into the illegal rave scene and thats where i stayed for the next few years, and consequently how i began to live my every day life, wasting the days on drugs that helped you forget your various insignificant problems. Eventually i saw the light and got some self control so stayed in for a while, until i could trust myself again.
I then decided to do an experiment and see who, out of all of my past friends, actually rung me without me instigating it...not one. So i decided that i would make yet another group with people who appreciated me for me, not because i had a car or because i had money from the job i worked very hard in. Slowly but surely my old mates came out of the woodwork, when they realised that they needed me far more than i needed them.
I am now very happy as i have solid group of friends and also see the majority of my old mates without feeling that i need to prove anything to them by following in their footsteps. The only way that you will move out of the rut that you may be in is by having self restraint, only you can change things for the better and eventually people will realise that you are right and they should be lookng up to you for wanting better for yourself.
I wish you the best of luck because i know how hard it is to leave people behind, but just think about it in the way that your nor leaving them forever, just until you get the best out of the times that you're with them.

Answer 2

I think that you are doing the right thing. When I was back in high school, at about 14, I had a similar choice to make. I realised that my friends that I used to hang with ever since primary school were getting into some dangerous stuff (drugs etc) that I did not feel ready for. So I went over to a couple of girls who I knew from some classes and said "Can I eat lunch with you today?" They said sure, and it developed into a much better friendship. It does take time, but there are times in your life when you do have to make this kind of decision. Having started a new job makes it easier, it is almost as if you went to a new country - you would have to make new friends then. Just be friendly, join in any group activities (at work or after) that will help you to get to know the people better. You could also think of learning a new skill, like if you'd enjoy a dance class, or other sport, or french cooking - then you meet people with like interests. Volunteer activities can be good too.

Answer 3

It always changes, and always will. I had different sets of friends from 5-9, 10-13, 13-20, 21-31. I've never had a steady friend ever that has lived through all the groups. People change too much, they outgrow each other, they get sick or partying or have kids, whatever. It's ok. It hurts sometimes, but it's ok.

I have had to abruptly leave an entire group of friends when I quit drinking a while back. I couldn't hang with them and watch them all get hammered while I was always stuck driving, and there was no interaction outside of that. I had a whole group of 'partying buddies' I learned, but no real friends.

Answer 4

This will happen during and right after highschool. It happened to me several times. I matured faster than anyone else of my age I knew. I hung out with my friends.. and out of a group of nearly 12 a night I was the only one that sat there and watched them smoke doobies. They would get blitzed and I would just sit there.. Well I had a falling out with nearly all of them. I stopped talking to my best friend since kindergarden because of it. He eventually was slammed in probo and was stuck with a DUI. He fell in a hole, but changed his life around and he is doing great. We started talking again. Well let me tell you something. In this world today you want to always be on top. When I sat there and wasted all that time with those idiots.. I could have been making money, planning future to-do's.. etc etc. That is what I did. I kept the friends that were moving up like myself. Since then I have NEVER contacted a used to be friend that is going down or staying level. My current friends are all moving forward, and that is how I choose friends now. I have the best group of fella's that I party with, have an awesome time with. I never look back. I am 20 years old. I own my own Valet company and currently have 2 clients. I am managing a family owned business dealing with employee's, payrolls, invoices, book keeping etc... and I also work full time at a cardiology office that is affiliated with the #1 Hospital in the US which is William Beaumont Hospital. Where are those kids I used to hang out with? Two still in probo, One's in jail, 3 of them have asked for a Valet job once they heard news what I was up to, and the rest I could careless. Long story short... Stick with friends that are moving up and forward. They are the keepers and will stick with you. You will have no regrets, and you will love it. Sometimes it takes a person to fall into a deep dark hole to realize there mistakes. Some people know off hand, some don't and thats what is sad. (I typed this fast, apologize for any errors)

Answer 5

You don't have to change your friends..just change the kind of thing you do with them. A real friend will want to hang out with you whether your getting drunk or going to a movie. I've had the same friends since junior high.(and NO-having the same friends doesn't mean I'm immature) They are the best people in the world and I know I can trust them. I would never stop being their friends and vice versa. Yes..in jr. high and high school we were drinking and drugging too. Now that we are older- occasionally we have drinks, but mostly we find other things to do together that don't involve that. If I were you, I'd talk to them about how you are trying to stay clean and if they respect you then they will want to stay your friend regardless. A good friend will help you stay clean and not pressure you. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

Yes, I know exactly how you feel. I came to the conclusion that as long as you hang around with people who have no goal in life, no ambition, and just want to waste their life away doin drugs or even drinking all time is bad association. Bad association spoils useful habits. If you're not careful, you will be just like them. Go to places like museums, poetry groups, or yoga classes. If you're not into poetry, and you're young and energetic, then go to a line dancing group. That's a lot of fun. They even have clubs you can go to where people don't drink alcohol. Go on line to the events section in your city, and check how many things you can do. But, stay away from peopl who can't do nothin but bring you down. You'll be a better person without them

Answer 7

i have been thru and really... when a bad egg is put in a basket of good egg, there is a possibilty that u wil turn into a gd egg but when a gd egg is put in a basket of rotten egg, u will sure turn rotten too.. I been true.. in the past i been very bad... now I have a job and I have promoted and I am happy.. i an not sad and unhealthly in the past.. it takes me 1 yr to change and though it is really hard and I suffer terribly ut look at me now.. i managed to jump thru the hurdle and I am as good as new. U CAN DO IT ONE!!! GO FOR IT !!!!

Answer 8

Thats really strange, cause this time last year I was in the exact same position as you.

I can tell you it is not easy, especially when you have been used to this sort of environment, but with a strong will to change you can mix and get to know new people and make them your friends.

I was in a position last year where all the people I hund around with took drugs and were in bad situations. I had really low self esteem and became depressed taking drugs and drinking like I didnt care any more. Im sometimes became suicidal.

I knew things were bad, and ventured into goin to see clairvoyents and different astrology people for answers.

In August of last year I went to a tarot reader who told me my situation right down to a tee, she then went on to tell me that if I didn't get new friends I'd be dead in a year of my own doing! I knew deep down wat she was telling me was the truth, and decided to go to councelling to deal with issues that had been haunting me for years, and stop my recklessness.

I did this secreatly, and cut off all contact wit my best friends. They came to understand wat I was doing and understood why, they were my best friends and I would still regard them as such, but told them I couln't be in they're company. I still bump into them and can have a laugh, but I leave it at that.

In February this year, I went with my bro -in-law to have a drink with some of his friends, some of whom I already knew. I ended up by fluke going out with one of the fellas in the group. I had been used to selecting fellas who tended to be rough and cheeky,I think I had been wring the whole time, and now Im still with him.

We are very much in love and all of his friends, who are a different bunch but love having the craic, have taken me in and made me feel so welcome.

My boyfriend is now in manchester, we are having a long distantance relationship, not easy but see each other once a month for a time. I can visit his friends as my own and they are my own friends now.

My family love Tommy and the people he knows, Im supossed to be dead and buried according to the fortune teller. Ive been back to see her since, and she was so glad to see me and told me things were on the up.

Good luck you can do it.

Supriya

Answer 9

Everyone does throughout their life as they grow and change. If they don't, then they're probably the same immature people at 30 that they were at 12.

Answer 10

Every people will experienced many difficulties in life, and from this experience they will learn and become more mature. there are no people who never did any mistake in life, I think God wants to test you and now He gives you the chance to change. My advice is that you use this opportunity well.