Ok I Need help Swingers was your firt time scary.?

Question

I have considered my husbands request and have decided to attend a swingers party I need to know if all the swingers here where scared there first time.

Answer 1

If you are going to take this step make sure your ready 100% yes there is a little fear in trying it for the first time just like anything really you try.But if you are going just for your husband sake dont.You will regret it for the rest of your life.I suggest you try a more private place for your first time with someone you know the more you know the person the more relaxed you will feel.If you choose to attend a party for your first time you do not need to try anything you don't want to.The rule no means no is there for a reason and all true swingers respect that.We have been swingers for a few years now and we run our own group and to answer one reply here its not just middle aged over weight people that attend swingers parties or Venues.Look I can say to you yeah go for it but I just feel your not 100% ready there are websites out there that can help you and I am sure there would be a swingers group in your local area ask them for advice.What ever you choose we wish you all the best.

Answer 2

It was scary. But not frightening. I wasn't afraid that I'd walk into the party and have my clothes ripped off. I was just afraid of the unknown.

All the people were really nice and polite. The swingers have a rule: "no means no". so if a woman says no, the guy shouldn't throw a fit. If he does, the other married men will throw him out the door. And that's the key, Women are actually in charge at a swinger parties. If they are not, then that's not a swinger party.

Let your husband know that he needs to protect you. Also, if some dweeb starts chatting insesently and you want to get rid of him, Just make a rolling the eyes to the ceiling facial expression (that the dweeb can't see) and someone will come to your rescue and ask you to dance. If they have dancing there.

Some swing clubs have DJ's and hot tubs and dinner too! check them out.

LD

Answer 3

A new environment can be scary. It was a little un-settling for me the first time too, but only the unkown factor for me.

The best thing you can do is talk it out with him. Be very clear on what you are comfortable with at the moment. Comfort levels change over time and that is to be expected, but for now you need to be clear what you are hoping to accomplish.

Some people go with the sole intention of hooking up for the night. Sounds like you would be better off just going as a more casual observer to see what is going on (cause there will be a lot happening) and what strikes your fancy.

But more important, don't go for him. If you only go for him, you won't enjoy it and he won't get anything out of it because your not engaged. If it is something you really are curious about and want to try, then you should at least consider it.

Answer 4

Not scared. We knew it was something we wanted to try and all we felt was excitement and some butterflies... just like a first date with someone when you were single. :-)

Now to respond to some of the other "answers" on here which are actually opinions and have nothing to do with answering your question. Taking advice about swinging from a non-swinger is like learning to sky dive from someone who's never done it, and not only that is afraid of heights.

Posted by Smooth Lyrics II:

"1) About 75% of people that get into swinging end up getting divorced."

And you know this how? In reality, although there are no hard numbers, educated estimates put the divorce rate amongst REAL swingers at around 15%, 3-times lower than the general population.

When I say "real swingers" I mean those that swing to fulfill both their spouse's AND their sexual fantasies, not those that do it to try to fix or spice-up a failing marriage/relationship. Their marriage already sucked before they started swinging. These people would end-up divorced anyway, swinging either hastens it by giving them something else to argue about or swinging gets the blame because it was the last thing they tried before they divorced. And we all know that people won't take responsibility for their own actions and life until they've run-out of other people and other things to blame them on.

Swinging is like the icing on the cake of marriage. But if all the ingredients are in the cake to make it solid to begin with, all the icing in the world won't keep it from crumbling.

Basically, swinging won't fix a failing marriage, but it sure won't hurt a good, secure one.

"2) Swinger parties are usually NOT like they are made out to be in the movies and TV. It's not all super hot, well endowed people. Most are over weight, middle aged, bald, weridos."

You're right, they're not like porn movies, it's not a 24/7 orgy. Most parties are just like any non-swinger party with most people just standing around drinking, eating and talking. I'd say that at all the parties we've been to (and that is quite a few) about 20% of the people actually end-up having sex there. Mostly it is allot of flirting.

But if you really have been to a party you'd know the people are definitely not a bunch of overweight, middle-age, bald weirdos. Sure some are, just like some are that aren't swingers. You want to know what a swinger looks like? Go to the store or to a ball game or to a movie. Swingers are normal people that just happen to include others in their sexual play from time to time. You would never know a swinger just by looking at one. The average swinger is in their 30's with at least two years of college, married 10.5 years and has been swinging for 5 years (which if they all got divorced you'd think they wouldn't be married and swinging that long, huh?)

"3) Swinging is like doing a porno....once you do, it ends up as a "black mark" that can be used against you later either by your spouse in the pending divorce, your employer, to embarrass your kids, or others wanting black mail you."

And so could so many other things in life. It all depends on the people involved. If they are vindictive and mean people that would do that than, yes... it could. But who lives their life worrying about something like that which may never, ever happen. Besides, anyone's sex life if it were publicly broadcast would cause widespread shock and horror. Even yours.

Posted by I_tell_it_like_it_is:

"You think the divorce rate is high now, it` even higher for swingers."

See above.

"Not to mention sexually transmitted diseases."

Actually, the spread of sexually transmitted diseases is far less amongst swingers than it is among 20-something singles. Why? Because swingers are there for a reason and they come prepared. It's not like a 23-year old guy and girl that meet at a night club and end-up hooking-up and months down the road you have an STD or a baby because they didn't come prepared.

Again, these are opinions you're stating with no real knowledge to back them up with. I've found that those with the most opinions usually have the fewest facts to back them up, too.

Answer 5

We swing often but the first time was just by chance. Our first few times were with other couples in a more intimate setting where we had mutual understanding of some things beforehand. Once we got confident being with other people then we went to our first swinger party and had a great time! But I would highly reccomend finding somebody(s) to play with you two in your own home a few times to get confident and feel good about it. It's suppossed to be about fun and it would be a shame if you got turned off from it just due to the anxiety of being THROWN into that public/group situation unprepared. Anyways, I hope I helped and for the record; my husband and I have been together for 3 years now and have been swinging for 2.5 of those and our sex life/love life couldn't be better!

Answer 6

It wasn't really a swingers party, but MiLady and two of Her Friends had a petticoat session with me and i was very nervous! Since then, i have attended another petticoat-ting, but as the server (drinks snacks) not the object. It was more fun attending than being in the middle!

Answer 7

Since it was your husbands "request" I would examine if the reason you are going to to please him or if you would have eventually had this "request" yourself. It's very difficult to have a marriage like this. The only way it really works is if both partners have had PLENTY of sex in their lives and are both understanding that sex is just sex. I knew a couple that had been swingers for 30 years and were very happily married, but that was a bizzare and rare couple among many who have tried and failed. Just understand you are risking your marriage, if that is ok with you and you are ok watching your husband screw another woman, go for it. I wouldn't be ok with it.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Yes it was.

Know before you go. Read stuff. Most of my anxieties were gone within an hour of being there.

Email me if you wanna talk about it. Be careful.

Do yourself a favor. Set CLEAR rules about what's ok and what's not. Both of you agree.

Our rules the first time were:

We stay together.
We aren't going into anyone's room and nobody's coming into ours.
Nothing going on besides maybe kissing and boobies and touchy feely.
Nobody gets drunk.
These rules are not to be discussed once we are there. No pressure. If anyone doesn't like what's going on they say so and we stop. No arguing.
The more reluctant partner sets the boundaries and should feel totally secure standing by them.

Just talk to people. Introduce yourself. If it's a good club you will not be mobbed by people, but some are clique-ish and it's hard to chat with some people. People will ask you about how long you've been in it how did it come up etc. Just tell them you are exploring and most people will be nice about it.

Do not be afraid to say no.

Oh and by the way - the first time we went we went back to our room to have sex five times in 3 hours. We were so turned on by the atmosphere. We kept it to ourselves and just had fun. We didn't fight or stress about it and that's what made it enjoyable.

Also how old are you? Most clubs have a clientele mostly between 35-45. People younger than 35 may be more attractive, but they are usually less secure in their marriages and prone to drama.

EDIT sorry to keep going but make sure that YOU are interested too. Don't be going if you think this will help a shaky marriage, because it won't. If you are both truly up for the idea, trust eachother, and have little jealousy issues, then you should be fine. But if you are just going to make him happy, it'll suck.

Oh and also - even though we've been numerous times and had a great time, we've never had sex with someone that we met there. We use it to meet other people and then 'get to know them' outside the club later. We just flirt, dance, and have fun.

Answer 10

Here are some things to consider:

1) About 75% of people that get into swinging end up getting divorced.

2) Swinger parties are usually NOT like they are made out to be in the movies and TV. It's not all super hot, well endowed people. Most are over weight, middle aged, bald, weridos.

3) Swinging is like doing a porno....once you do, it ends up as a "black mark" that can be used against you later either by your spouse in the pending divorce, your employer, to embarrass your kids, or others wanting black mail you.

In closing, I strongly suggest your reconsider the whole thing! Thoese few hours of fun aren't worth your marriage and reputation.