First Time Ive Asked for Opinions; How Does This Sound? For Presentation at In-Laws 50th Anniversary party?

Question

THE LIFE CYCLE OF A ROSE
A rose begins its life as only a growth from a tiny seed.
From a seed it forms a stem, along which, a few green leaves and thorns do grow.
Then a red bud, so beautiful and tightly woven, begins to bloom.
So grows the ‘Symbol of Love’ we all know, The Rose.

The rose continues to grow and opens into that magical bloom.
More beautiful than ever before.
It excites our senses, as we gaze upon its perfect beauty
and inhale the heavenly scent it so effortlessly exudes.

Our love, as did the rose, began to grow with only that seed.
We were wed, and from that seed we grew to form the stem of our love.
On that stem, through a few thorns, grew six leaves, our six wonderful children.
As did the tightly woven bud, our family was formed.

Day by day, year by year our family continued to grow.
Changing constantly from one stage of life to another.
From the seed that was planted, to the stem and its six leaves,
Forever holding its beauty for the last 50 years, to what it is now, “This Golden Rose”!

Thank you all for the input. At the presentation I will be reading it, and believe I will change perspective as some suggested. The center piece at their table will have two golden roses in a vase. Right after I read the last line all 6 of the kids will indivually present one to their parrents resulting in a vase full of 8 golden roses.

Thanks Everyone

Answer 1

I think your in-laws will be over the moon. The Golden Rose at the end works very well. I don't think you should add anything after those words.
Like someone else mentioned, unless one of your in-laws is going to read it aloud, it seems you should change the perspective.
Can you give them a gold-dipped rose, or have little golden rose mementos for all the family? That would be a wonderful remembrance to tie in with your tribute poem.

Answer 2

Hi there, I think it's super sweet that you're writing a poem for your inlaws , very thoughtful and lovely. I do have some editing suggestions. One, is to change the perspective. You are writing about their love, right? Why write it as if you are them...write it from your perspective, as a son in law who is championing & celebrating your in-laws long and successful marriage. rose metaphor is nice, but could use some tweaking in execution here and there for consistancy.

I include a suggested draft. Whatever you do, though, I am sure they will be very touched and happy at your creative and heartfelt poem. :)

"THE LIFE CYCLE OF A ROSE
A rose begins its life as a tiny seed.
It forms a stem, along which, a few green leaves and thorns do grow.
Then a red bud, so beautiful and tightly woven, begins to bloom.
So grows the ‘Symbol of Love’ we all know, The Rose.

The rose continues to grow and opens that bud.
The bloom, a flower more beautiful than ever before.
It charms our senses, as we gaze upon its imperfect perfection
and inhale the heavenly scent it exudes.

Your love, as did the rose, began to grow with only that seed.
You were wed, and from that seed you grew your love.

On your stem, through a few thorns, grew six leaves, your six wonderful children.
Your family was formed.

Day by day, year by year your family continued to grow.
Changing constantly from one stage of life to another.
From the seed that was planted, to the stem and its six leaves, your love, the bud, forever holding its beauty, blooming for the past 50 years, to what it is now, “This Golden Rose”!

Then maybe something like "& may it bloom for many many years to come" and about how you are honored to be a part of this family and look forward to growing the garden with your own rose in the image of your in-laws' rose.

Answer 3

Sounds quite pretty to me, sounds like the rose has no rough edges, no rust, no verminous threats, all is tantalizing beauty. Guard it jealously lest it is invaded like Blake's:

The Sick Rose

O Rose, thou art sick!
The invisible worm
That flies in the night,
In the howling storm,

Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy,
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.
-- William Blake
good luck

Answer 4

I would say "Our love began to grow, as did the rose, with only that seed" or "Our love, as the rose, began to grow with only that seed."

What a lovely gift for your in-laws - I hope they enjoy it!

Answer 5

it sound great
but at the end you talk about the children then you say
what it is NOW this golden rose i don't know if its just me but shouldn't it be this golden garden
that's just me
it sounds great hopefully u and ur wife get to that point
good luck

Answer 6

I think it sounds awesome...your in laws will love it.