Talk to him when his defenses are down. I won't go into details, but my defenses are at their lowest when I'm at her mercy...
2007-10-25 02:06:16
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answer #1
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answered by Don 7
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There are many couples who have children before marriage, no worries!
I would stand your ground! You deserve a man how can support his family! But right now, he can’t even take care of himself! I would have a serious talk with him, give him a strict time to find a job! You kids are probably too young to help around the house, so he should also be helping with that too. Even a tiniest bit would be the biggest help, like picking up the living room and vacuuming.
I don’t understand men like this, why is it less then 50 years ago, men wouldn’t even let women work! Nowadays, women work twice has hard as man!
He is only going to change if he wants to…I would kick him out and make him stay with his mother if he wants to sleep all day long! What a waste of a beautiful life!
There is no reason for you and the kids have to leave your home because the bf is lazy and being very selfish.
What does his mother say? Talk to her also. I’m sure she would also agree he should be putting half his effort into the family he created. If not, maybe he doesn’t deserve to have a family until he becomes more responsible.
I wish the best to you and your family.
2007-10-25 09:24:47
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answer #2
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answered by JB 3
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Sarah, how do I speak to you do you will listen? You're in the middle of your life, but if you could step back and read what you posted objectively[as if it were about someone else] your only thought would be,"And why is she still there?" I'm not suggesting your boyfriend is a horrible person, but he isn't providing for his family, doesn't see the need to help with the house or the children, and plays games and hangs with his friends. How old a person is he? 14? Really, you'd think we were talking about an adolescent, especially when you mention his screaming and leaving the house last night. That was just an excuse to go back to his friends. He needs to grow up and assume the responsibilities of fatherhood, just for starters. If you have any other resources, I suggest you leave this loser until he gets a big wake up call. I'm not talking a few days or weeks, darlin. This man needs to do some serious work in his life and prove himself worthy. You deserve and will find much more. Don't settle for this loser.
2007-10-25 09:14:08
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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He's not going to listen to you. You can't get him to understand that he has to grow up, so you have take some drastic action. Right now he has it very easy indeed, and he's just calling your bluff.
So do it. Take that drastic action. Leave. Get out of there. Go back to your own family and tell them you need their help, as soon as you are able, get a job and a place of your own. And get yourself a good solicitor or lawyer and go after that boyfriend of yours for maintenance - make sure you do this through the courts so that all payments are clearly documented.
You love him, I know, but he is a complete waste of space. I'm sorry, but a man who doesn't look after his family like how you have described is just not worth worrying about.
As regards having kids before marriage - people have been having babies long before there was ever an institution such as marriage. As things stand, you are much better off NOT being married to this man.
2007-10-25 09:11:09
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answer #4
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answered by Orla C 7
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The reason he doesn't want you posting on here is because it will give you the back-up you need that you are right and ... well, obviously, he is wrong. He doesn't want YOU telling him how lazy he is and how he needs to help out, so he sure doesn't want 20 - 30 other people telling you that he is a lazy dad that needs to grow up and take on some responsiblity. Any time I ever wrote my ex-husband about a complaint I was having about him, he would literally tear up the letter right in front of me. He wasn't going to change. Sweetie, hard lesson to learn here, but you can't make people change...you can only change yourself. When it gets bad enough, you will leave. You will reach a point that you get sick of him, and end up having no respect for him at all. You will see how other guys are treating their girlfriends with respect and helping out and want that kind of life for yourself, which you should have. No one can say when you will get enough of this, but speaking from experience...you will know. You will look back one day after leaving him and actually wonder "why on earth did I put up with that for so long?" Sometimes we lose ourselves when we are in this type of relationship, but after we break up with them, and our true personality comes back, we are strong again and able to see how wrong they were. Good luck.
2007-10-25 09:16:56
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answer #5
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answered by Corona 5
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You have dated him for three years so i believe you should know him better. First of all you should know when he is in the right mood before bringing up the matter, you should also ask yourself some questions like am i doing the right thing, do you make feel that he is not doing anything to support the family, do you look down on him?
He may be trying to help himself out of the situation but the way you are treating him may put him off. trying letting him know that his problem is your problem too. tell him that you cant love another except him try to make him see reasons.
Lastly, i will want you to treat him and his friends with some respect. if he sees that you respect and love him dearlly without nagging him always, he will change and listen to you whenever you have something to say. Also try confiding in his Mum she may be able to help you out of this situation.
2007-10-25 09:58:13
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answer #6
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answered by cris 2
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I think its time for you to take a step backwards and decide what you life is worth... It seems to me you are in a deep rut... If this guy is not willing to go to work and be what you need around the house, you seem intelligent enough to see the hand writing on the wall. The kids need a father figure before its too late. Make the move that bests your and your kids life.. One thing show him some of these answers and tell him crap of get off the pot... Good luck Grant M in Pennsylvania
2007-10-25 09:10:17
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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be prepared for the worse...check your finances...try to put away some money and check your family and support system...talk to the people you are closest to and see if they will be there for you. it will be smoother for you if things go badly if you have some support from those people. once you have done those things...speak to him ...dont cry ...or scream be very calm and show that you arent full of **** when you look him in the eye and tell him he has got to start helping with the kids and bills. tell him your tired of having to do things by yourself and if he doesnt have intentions of getting a job and being a real dad then he should leave....not asap...NOW. dont call him names and stuff like that ...it will only piss him off and make him buck up to what your saying and your talk will probally go nowhere. you dont need someone leeching off you . i know its scarey to be on your own but trust me if he truely loves you and the kids he will go get that job and support you and take care of you . if he seems to blow you off ...do what you have to do and have him leave. if he wont leave... have him removed . there are alot of agencies out there that can help you. i wish you the best but honestly its better to get out now if he has no intentions with only 3 yrs lost then if you have invested more. also, there are alot of men out there that will hold a job and provide for you and your kids and love you ..remember that. i wish you lots of luck.
2007-10-25 09:25:35
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answer #8
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answered by bigmommy240 3
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You can not change anyone! he sounds immature, tell him to keep his sorry but at his mom's house because you already have kids to take care of and don't need another one. I guess it is this generation that wants things for free instead of working for it! If it were me the game system would be smashed and laying in the front yard when he got home! Don't do another thing for him!
2007-10-25 09:08:01
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answer #9
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answered by kissybertha 6
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hey, sorry to hear about your situation.... and i don't mean to be negitive but this is from my personal experience and i now i see one of my friends going threw this... tell him how you feel, u obviously have too. i want to say ask him nicely too (even though i'm sure u want to roll him off the couch instead)... and cross your fingers and hope for the best.... cause in my experience... he probably won't. he'll tell you how is trying or how he doesn't want to be told what to do and he's not gonna work a job he won't be happy with.....
either way. good luck. talk to him. and if their his kids then u got a ticket out of there. if they urs i suggest u struggle on ur own (as u kind of are now?)
2007-10-25 09:06:39
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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reading your last line made me feel like you are living your life like a person who did sth wrong and you are DOING YOUR TIME ........ taking this attitude in life will lead people to use you coz you are trying to right your sins .... and this is exactly what happened with your husband, i mean why should he help you with the kids, house or even go find himself a job, since YOU are doing everything ??? i mean would you go and clean your car if someone done it for you ..... no matter how much you say at the end people know that you will go and do it .... if you DONT give yourself a VALUE then how do you want others to give it to you and LISTEN to you ????!!!!
2007-10-25 09:51:17
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answer #11
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answered by bebe 2
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