Not wanting sex with husband.?

Question

I used to love to have sex. I'm 23 and my husband is 29. He waits until I am tired at night to want to have sex. I tell him that I don't want to, but he continues with it anyways. The whole time he is having sex with me he gripes and complains that I am no fun, and etc. It just makes me more not in the mood. I tell him that I said no in the first place, so he shouldn't even be complaining. I will tell him, let's have sex tomorrow, but he doesn't listen. He wants sex and he is going to have sex. I feel he is being very inconsiderate to my wants. I find it hard to be turned on by him anymore and the way that he is. The entire time he will tell me to get into it or stop acting the way that I am, but I find it hard when I can not even keep my eyes open and I am really not in the mood. My husband is stubborn and obviously doesn't listen to me. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Well, besides not leaving the relationship (which MIGHT have to happen if a solution isn't found), I would recommend starting to pursue him for sex earlier in the night. If he DOES turn you down or says 'Let's wait until later', start mimicking his statements he uses toward you. Like 'You're no fun', or come on 'Get into it', etc. Do it in a playful way but hopefully the point you'll be trying to make will get across.

You're too young to be dreading sex so 'turn the tables' on him and see if you can get him to realize how he's been acting. Good luck.....I wish I could help you out! ;)

Answer 2

You don't need it to feel closer to him; he *does* need it to feel closer to you. You *cannot* use introspection to understand other people - especially not someone of the opposite sex. Nothing you said was related to a tangible physical problem. e.g. "I'm sore baby and I need a break." If you did say or are thinking that, then how would you feel if he retorted "That's just an excuse to have less sex" - because that is your uncaring attitude towards him. You are making your mental aversion into a physical problem. It literally means you don't love you husband. Did you ever? If you did, why don't you now? Do something about that and once-a-day is a very reasonable compromise. Also, if you are doing "1 & done" then *that* is why he's up for so much. Empty him - keep going until he begs you to stop. Why does your >husband< need an excuse to /get/ sex from you? That entirely mentality needs to change or this won't last.

Answer 3

Let him know the next morning, NOT during, that you are completely hurt and offended that he would complain about your sex life. Let him know that when you say you're tired, you're tired! Don't keep giving in, because this makes him think that you want it or that you are playing hard to get. He's like a spoiled child that wants it now! But in the same sense, why not initiate sex when you are in the mood. Pounce on him and get the ball rolling, WHEN YOU WANT IT. You don't have to wait for your husband. Men want sex everyday anytime of the day, usually. I'm sure when you start to give in and work it out, you'll both satisfy your needs. BUT communication is key, your husband really has to understand that him forcing you into sex is wrong, no questions about it.

Take care!

Answer 4

Girl let me tell you there is nothing worse then giving up the sex when you don't want it! My ex used to do this all the time, he knew I wasn't in the mood but would do it anyway, I tried everything, talking to him about it, just laying there, and sometimes, falling asleep during! It didn't make a difference. After time it took it's toll, and now well he's my ex. My best advice is to really keep up the communication, because it's not that you don't like sex, it's that you just don't like it with HIM right now. It can come back if you both try. Good luck!

Answer 5

My husband knows that I get tired in the evening and don't feel like making love. So we do it in the morning or afternoon when we get home from work or right before or after dinner. He knows that if he waits until after 8:30 I will be too tired.

Men can't expect to just demand sex at any time that they want it. My husband loves me and wants me to enjoy sex as well so he is willing to compromise on the time for me.

Answer 6

He isn't being respectful. But, there are two sides to this story, and neither of you are reading the chapter that the other one wrote.

He is wrong to have sex with you against your will. It's criminally wrong. There is no excuse for that at all.

He's wrong not to take the time to listen to you about your needs. To hear you when you say you are tired.

When we sign up for marriage, we're not just signing up for sex, and we're not signing up to live as brother and sister either. That said, you are married to each other, and you're not brother and sister. Therefore you have to work together to find a solution to the problems with your physical relationship that you can both live with.

Foreplay begins when you wake up in the morning with a smile, and it contiinues in the form of loving supportive behaviour throughout the day. In the evening it takes the form of helping to care for your children (if you have them) together, and by bedtime all is well, no-one is overtired or resentful and nature can take it's course.

Many men do not understand this, they think that women can jump to attention as quickly as they do, some can, but a tired resentful woman cannot.

The first thing to do is to put a stop to the non-consentual sex.
The next thing to do is to tell him precisely what you need him to do (number it if you have to) to make you more responsive to his advances. Do not accuse, instead ask for what you want. For example "You never help me around the house" isn't going to work.. but "I'm feeling overwhelmed, I really need you to help me" has more chance of getting a positive response. The first takes power away from him, the second puts him in a position of power to help you. You need to use a bit of psychology to get yourself understood.

I wish you well, and I hope you can sort this out.

Answer 7

You're making a hefty accusation about your husband. If he's forcing you to have sex with him even though you really don't want to, you need to contact the authoritys and run like the wind.

It's one thing to not feel like it, but do it anyway because you love him. But you sound angry, complain that he's stubborn for wanting to have sex with you. He doesn't listen to you.

I give in all the time for my husband when I'm not really feeling like it, but I've never thought of him as stubborn or as a not listening. In fact, he usually has to try harder and put in more effort when I'm not initiating.

I'm sorry for your situation....good luck.

Answer 8

marriage should be a mutual respectful relationship which fills the needs of both within it. If one person is being forced to do things and not into it then the marriage will fail.

I agree with you totally about late night sex and have constantly tried to explain that enjoyment of sex should be when we are in top performance ability.

I think you should seek counseling and I also think you could try to initiate it in times when you find that you are in the mood.

Answer 9

There must be times when you and him are having a great time together right? If so, find one of those times and bring up the problem that you are having. Explain to him how it makes you feel when he forces himself on you. Listen carefully to his answer without adding in your own emotions. Weigh your options and think about your future. Questions to think about: Did he make any valid points, after you addressed him? Is there anything that YOU can do to make the situation/relationship better? If it doesn't improve, can you live like this? Good luck.

Answer 10

Husband or not, if you don't want to have sex you shouldn't. My husband tends to want it later at night too when I'm too tired and I just tell him I'm tired and he's fine with it. He knows the best time is earlier in the evening when I'm not ready to just sleep. When you work all week and then go home and cook dinner and do some house work, you're just plain tired.

Try to talk to him, but make it seem like you want more sex, just during more convenient times of the day or evening. Make him understand that you love to make love to him, but that it's better when you both really want it.