2007-10-25 01:15:01 · 16 answers · asked by AnnaO 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It may be hard but do not make a major decision while feeling emotionally hurt. Try therapy alone and as a couple. The cheater also needs therapy to help find the reason they did such a thing.
The saying time heals all wounds is true if you let it, do not keep opening the subject and do not use it as a weapon during a fight. This only opens it u for you as well.
My husband and I have been through this, it has been 7 years since he cheated on me. Our relationship is stronger today then it was before mostly because we both decided it was worth saving. We just celebrated our 20th anniversary this past may.
2007-10-25 01:29:30 · answer #1 · answered by desiree c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's one of the hardest things in the world to do... You were very vague with who did what so I will try to tell you what happened to me... After 14 years we seemed to just drift apart so I thought I would find some casual sex.. I was very careful and always used a condom.. But after a few months I knew this was not me and I went home before doing it again and told my wife I had a confession to make. I sat down and spilled my guts out..... I was surprised she took it very well and said she said she really did not blame me but now each time after that we got into a tiff, she would always bring it up and say if you don't like it why don't you go back to your bimbo well that is enough to want me to crawl under a mushroom.. So I suggested counseling and off we went.. It went well and we got along great for a couple of moths and then she started it again.. I was at my Witt's in because I was truly sorry for what I did so I turned to a church (neither of us attended on a steady basis) I felt an inner piece and told her how I felt. She started going there with me and its been ten years we will soon celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. Life is good.. Bottom line? If you both truly love each other you can work it out... If not.. Time to move on.. Good luck and God bless... Grant M in Pennsylvania
2007-10-25 01:45:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some couples are able to survive an affair --- I'm not one of them.
Just from my observation, it seems that women are more successful in forgiving their husbands who have had the extra-marital relationship than men are in forgiving their wives. In my case I was willing to do whatever it took to get past my ex-wife's affair, but in the back of my mind I was constantly wondering how in the hell I was going to do that. In less than two weeks after I found out about her activities, it became very apparent that she really didn't want to put any effort into our relationship, and I filed for divorce.
2007-10-25 01:40:56 · answer #3 · answered by mt75689 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide if the relationship is really something you want to work hard for. You have to find the reason the person chose to stray. Couples counseling is a must.
If you want it to work then there has to be complete forgiveness. You have to be able to leave it in the past and move toward the future. Trust has to be re-built and that takes a very long time and a lot of effort on both parts.
2007-10-25 01:19:56 · answer #4 · answered by mamabee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly dont believe that a realtionship can survive an affair. Unless, there were serious medical circumstances. However, once a cheater always. If the person having an affair is able to get away with it once...they definitley will be able to get away with it again and again and again
2007-10-25 02:36:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Dr Phil says that when the person that was cheated on feels like the person is really sorry and truly understands how the betrayl affects you, then you can begin to heal. Dr Phil says that the person who did the cheating that his or her life has to become a open book. They have to expect eeverything, the quizzing, the checking of the phone, and all of that. And they really have to mean it and be willing to go through all of that for as long as it takes and the person that was cheated on has to have a open spirit and willing to forgive. Go to www.drphil.com for more information and read his book Relationship Resuce too. He is the best!
2007-10-25 01:48:24 · answer #6 · answered by rashida_16 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not easy, but I think counseling for both of you if probably a great first step. It'll help deal with the unresolved issues, and can help repair the damage.
2007-10-25 01:38:09 · answer #7 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people think of an affair is like just an oops when they do it.It was a mistake a screw up.An affair is lack of love in the relationship.Think about that.It hurts deep when you have been cheated on.
2007-10-25 01:33:38 · answer #8 · answered by lollypop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
esentially your are screwed there isnt anything that will repair it except for time and someone who is able to genuinely forgive you but dont ever think that someone will ever forget and stop asking for forgiveness cause you did the deed and it is up to the other person to give you forgiveness but essentially time will be the only repair
2007-10-25 02:00:30 · answer #9 · answered by the_orc_1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Repair???
Sorry once trust is lost, it's as the old adage states,
"You don't get a second chance to make a good first impression".
"Join the French Foreign Legion ... to forget"!
You're out there ... busted and burned ... was it worth it?
2007-10-25 01:26:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋