we went out for a meal with his brother n wife..he asks them wat they are ordeing not me until i placed order n he goes wat did u order?do u nott think thats wrong or is it me?
he forgets i am there wen others are there.wen its us too we choose together.y does he do this?i feel hes nice only coz no1 else is there...how do i stop getting hurt over it over n over again?
but he does it with everything...y does he change wen others are there
i feel like am not there...i hate it
34 minutes ago
i told him n he goes thers nothing wrong init n he wont stop being that way with me...
\ he does feel that but he hasnt won my heart by the way i always feel excluded...it doesnt hurt to be nice..suggested counciling he said no...we r having problems n wen he does this i just hate him more n more...i asked for a hug he said how can i wen ure like this..which just pulls me away even more
2007-10-25 00:28:23 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay, I am going to take a stab at this one with a lot of assumptions.
I will assume that your husband works in middle management and/or executive level. He is an important person with his job and he make executive decisions daily. He is very intelligent. Money is coming in and is not an issue. Most everyone have much respect for him and look up to him such as his brother and his wife. Also, your husband makes all of the household and financial decisions.
So, now for you. You're good looking and hot. Not as successful, but seems to manage well. The husband delegates tasks or chores and you half heartly complete them b/c you're not an employee of his, etc. So, you refuse and resent his authority.
The problem is that you two are on different levels. He is agressive, want to achieve, want to be wealthy and to be extremely successful. You on the other hand is happy with just the basic neccessities and want a husband to come home to you.
Overall, he does not respect your opinion. He feels as if you are not at his level. So, he handles everything. But, this is what attracted you to him in the beginning, his ambition.
Okay, your husband is an achiver and that will never change. With or without you, he will adapt and eventually will be extremely successful.
You gain his respect by not being in the way, not nagging, finding ways to help out and improve his situation. If you make his life easier for him, your life in return will be easier. If you achieve this, you'll find that you'll have more decision making and more attention from him. He will be more impressed with your smarts, ability to adapt and quick decisions. Now, you guys will be a team heading for success.
As long as he feels as if you are burden and in the way of his success, you'll never achieve equality with him.
I assumed a lot in this response. However, I have seen this type of situation before. The only solution is to get aboard or reject it and leave.
2007-10-25 00:59:59 · answer #1 · answered by L J 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You’re upset because you went out to dinner and he asked others what they intended to order, but didn’t ask you? That’s any incredibly small, insignificant thing. Get over it.
Honestly, I’m wondering how old are you, because you sound like a child who’s upset that they aren’t getting 100% of someone’s attention.
If he *completely* ignored you and excluded you from all conversation then you’d have a reason for complaint, but that’s not what you said. You said you’re upset that he didn’t ask you what you were going to order. To be upset over something that trivial is utterly ridiculous. Grow up.
2007-10-25 01:53:56 · answer #2 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So it seems that you have attempted to talk to him. That is a good step to take. When he ignores you try to bring yourself into the conversation. For example at dinner, you should have asked him what he's getting. Or in other situations ask the people he is talking with questions, to get yourself back into the conversation. If this still isn't working and you're not happier, then insist on councilling. If he refuses then obviously he isn't serious about the relationship. From then on take whatever measures (divorce or separation may be one) you have to take to get your point across, you deserve to be happy.
2007-10-25 00:34:30 · answer #3 · answered by ctvanc01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you are his wife and you should come first, as he comes first with you. You feel hurt over and over again because you allow it. Stand your ground and let him know that your are #1 and he is #1 and when you are with others or even by yourselves...you will not except anything less. If he continues to "leave you out" of the picture...simply do not go anymore and explain to your friends that he does not include you in the conversations or picture and you will not be joining them and place yourself in yet another hurtful situation. Let it be know and stand up for yourself! Let him explain his way out of that! If he continues...he needs to leave because that's not love.
2007-10-25 00:37:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This evidences that there's a crisis going on. We (Men) use to do this when we want to mark that we just don't agree with something. May be a little immature, but that's what we do. You have a good idea of what is going on in your marriage, but if you really want to fight and stick together, then talk to him, if he cares you'll see the change soon enough, if he doesn't, there's really not much to do.
2007-10-25 21:35:30 · answer #5 · answered by Yabran Tariga 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go away for a week! Go to your mom's or some other family member for a week and see how he treats you when you return. If he continues to treat you like dirt, then I don't see how you could remain with him. He's refused counseling and he doesn't seem to care. You deserve better, but only YOU can decide whether or not you'll get it!
2007-10-25 02:54:04 · answer #6 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are expecting things from your husband that he can't provide. No one can. Your lack of self esteem is causing your problems and you need counseling before you lose your marriage.
Think about it, you are complaining that you felt excluded because your husband didn't ask you what food you were ordering. That doesn't even make sense.
2007-10-25 00:47:29 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SurrenderedUK
please please please try it out!
I know at first the idea sounds crazy but it really does work, you'll feel more loved and better about yourself in a very short space of time.
Don't tell him that you don't "like" what he does when other ppl are around, instead tell him that it "hurts" you and you "feel" alone when he doesn't include you. I promise that he will hear you more clearly if you don't tell him what to and start telling him how it makes you feel, this way you give him the chance to make you happy of his own free will instead of just doing as he is told like a child.
Good luck and don't give up yet x
2007-10-25 01:33:27 · answer #8 · answered by tdrammeh79 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Show him what it feels like. When you y'all visit your people, ignore him for one night. Then when y'all get home let him know you did it, so he could understand how you feel when he does it to you.
When he want sex, ask him how can you have sex with him when he's like that?
However, don't do this to many times, and like you said y'all should seek counseling.
2007-10-25 00:39:00 · answer #9 · answered by Daddy Big Dawg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you a5re out with family or friends, put them first he is with you the rest of the time more than anyone else.
He asks them first because this is courtesy towards family and guest you may not see everyday.It isnt an assault on you hon.
2007-10-25 00:33:52 · answer #10 · answered by Joe F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋