*I want to give more information. I am a stay at home mom with four children. I have not worked full time in 7 years. I do part time consulting once in a while. My husband is a great guy, but he considers his money "his". The credit cards are in both names and they were mostly used for groceries, phone bill, clothes, etc. He tends to treat my $100 a week consulting job as the equivalent of a full time job and thinks I should be able to buy groceries, gas and pay the phone bill with it. It is not possible. When he would not give me money for food, gas, etc I would use the card. Now I am having trouble keeping the payments up and I want to tell him. He has more than enough money in the bank to pay it off. But I love him and I guess I was hoping I could keep trying to pay the payments.....
2007-10-25 00:02:09 · 19 answers · asked by kk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a form of financial abuse. If he really loves you, he won't judge you after all you've been through and he has a financial obligation to pay for your-and the kids' needs. Definitely tell him but it doesn't really seem like you'll have any luck.
the both of you should go for marriage counseling
2007-10-25 00:07:45 · answer #1 · answered by your_gurl_leah 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you two are in need of serious chat about finances, setting up a budget, and how is the best way to pay off the CC debt. I'll tell you this at no cost, no splurging until the CC is paid off. At some of the CC interest rates, that a lot of $$ going down the toilet. It is best by FAR to pay off the CC bill at the end of the month. With a CC, one MUST be prepared to know what one really needs as opposed to their wants and must be prepared to pay it off at the end of the month.
You need to be prepared to hear what your husband might have to say about the CC debt when you tell him. Personally I think he should be seeing the bill every month. He may not say, Honey, that's all right, all is forgiven and will be taken care of. What has to be done now is way overdue and that is scrutiny over spending habits and a structure of paying bills. It would be desirable if CC use was suspended until it is paid off if at all possible.
Maybe your husband is going to have to funnel more money into things like groceries, phone bill, and power bill but it should be clear who pays and what % of the bills. If you or he goes out on a limb in purchases, it is you or he who should pay the consequences. $ have the impact of driving a wedge where nothing can go.
In short, yes you should tell him but be prepared for some serious chat with him.
2007-10-25 08:27:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are gonna have to bring in some outside help for this one. There is either a communications problem or he is really that selfish with the $$$. Part of the problem is that he may be clueless as to the actual costs of taking care of a family. If he thinks that HIs money is HIS, he needs to understand that this debt is HIS also. Make an appt. with a place like Consumer credit counseling ( lookin the yellow pages), or a marriage therapist, and then take him with you before you drop the bomb. The two of you need a different money plan for the house or it will just keep happening even if he pays off the 20k.
2007-10-25 10:33:13 · answer #3 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from me, it's better you tell him than him finding out on his own like I did with my husband. Not long after I stopped working my husband told me he had something to say.. he said he took out a loan with our bank and though I was upset, I was eventually okay with it.. UNTIL I found out from his credit report that he was $35K in debt. he had a compulsive spending problem that I didn't know about. He was spending more on his American Express card a month than what he was bringing home..So he went to a loan company to take out a loan to pay off the bill. You can imagine how furious I was. I was thinking we were finally going to be better off financially because I gave him $9,000 from my 401K to pay off two bills. I had no idea he had $35K more. So I took over the financial stuff in the family and now a year later we just bought a house and we paid off 6 bills. Your husband is being unrealistic in what $100 can pay for. It's time you sit down with him and lay everything out. He'll probably be angry and want you to get a full time job to help pay off the bill, but you can get through this. Good luck.
2007-10-25 09:42:16 · answer #4 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol
i hope for your sake this is a fake story cause if its not it sounds like your husband wants his cake and eat it too.
first off you need to tell him that you have that debt cause its both your credit that will suffer. second off you need to tell him you need more money or your not gonna be a stay at home mom anymore and your gonna get a full time job. tell him you arent a little kid and your petty 100 bucks a week is for you not the bills if your a stay at home mom thats your job not paying bills with your "allowance" his job is to pay the bills. if i was you i would just get a job and if he dont like that idea hes a control freak and you guys need counseling.
bottom line though tell him about the debt
2007-10-25 07:09:03 · answer #5 · answered by monizk 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can totally relate with you. My husband is the same way. Our money is seperate and we have our own bills to pay. I only work part time and it is hard for me to keep up with everything when he makes so much more money than I do. You are going to have to come out and tell him the truth though. The stress from it is going to make you sick. You have to sit down and talk to him and tell him how hard it has been for you with your income and trying to make all your bills and why you have this debt now. I hope it all works out for you.
2007-10-25 07:14:19 · answer #6 · answered by emmiegsmom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trouble in River City!
It starts with not talking and ends up with DEBT.
You need to put ALL the cards on the table and work out a realistic budget.
The MINE vs YOURS money thing is not appropriate for the household.
You may want to go get a job which pays a LOT more.
If you cannot start communicating in your marriage, you will need the income to live single.
2007-10-25 07:43:14 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OOOOps. I guess it is best that you go ahead and tell him. He will eventually find out anyway and that is not a good thing. Be honest with him and tell him WHY you had to put the money on the cards. At the very least he can make the payments, since it went for necessaries.
I was married to one like yours for 17 years and they just don't realize how unrealistic they can be. I wish you well.
2007-10-25 07:07:11 · answer #8 · answered by Debi 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You will need to get an income so you can pay off these bills. You must tell him of your debt so you can work out a plan to pay it off. Your interest must be staggering. Cut up the card too and never spend money you don' have.
2007-10-25 09:14:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really bad. You guys should be a team and if you are staying at home with the kids that is your job. He needs to know and hopefully he will be better about money in the future. I do not get couples with seperate bank accounts and my money and your money. Why are you married? You are supposed to be sharing the burdens and joys of life.
2007-10-25 07:34:22 · answer #10 · answered by dbc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband should bear a proportionately larger amount of the payments if he earns more. If you earn $100 a week and he earns $1000 a week, he should shoulder 90% of the bills. I'm a guy.
2007-10-25 07:15:29 · answer #11 · answered by bovinotarian 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋