been with bf for almost 3 years. he's 29-never married, i'm 28 w/3 little girls part-time. he's sees the kids about once a week.
we've had our issues (i have pmdd-takes meds now and saw a counselor for a while. he's never been married or lived w/a girlfriend). we've fought hard to work out our issues on our own b/c we love each other but decided to seek help of counselor.
saw her today-meeting went pretty well. she asked us what needed to change for us to work-he said for us to stop arguing over little things. then she asked him where he thought we were headed-his answer was goal is to live together and get married but he sometimes feels like i'm pushing him to go faster than he's ready to go.
he loves me and the kids-no mistake about that. but he says he wants to make sure we don't fight anymore (like bad fights-little ones are ok and will happen-he knows that) so we don't fall apart in the future.
he suggested the following things....
2007-10-24 23:25:09 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
-if not fighting for 3 months, then we would start doing more things as a family (doesn't want to involve the kids too much until our fighting issues are resolved-doesn't want them to see it-i agree)
-once that is accomplished, the kids and i could start spending the night at his house as a family
-then we could start discussing living together.
the counselor suggested that after more years if we were still having issues then maybe it wasn't meant to be..
on way home he said that if i wanted to, i could say 1 more year of working it out before giving up (maybe he sees it getting better?)
then he told me to keep in mind that it might be a year of living together before we could think about getting married and that shouldn't count against the 2 year timeline.
he told the counselor the kids were a worry b/c he's never lived with kids or raised them and he worries that if we fight-we'll upset the kids
he said we just have to take baby steps and all will fall into place
2007-10-24 23:29:06 · update #1
He sounds like he is taking a mature attitude to the situation by ensuring the kids are not affected by your fighting and for that he should be respected.
You need to be more concerned with why you are fighting, if you sort that out the rest will fall into place.
2007-10-25 00:33:45 · answer #1 · answered by Very happily married. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a good head on his shoulders and he is doing all of the right things. He has made a big effort just by agreeing to go to counseling with you. If he were not thinking about the future with you, he could have easily refused to go, or made up some kind of excuse not to go.
He has even considered how he would be able to deal with your children, so he is thinking of them too.
Be patient and don't rush anything. No one can predict the future, but it sounds like he is a great guy that really cares about you and the children. He does not sound scared at all to me. He definitely sounds worth the wait.
2007-10-25 06:35:11 · answer #2 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Decide on the basis of what's best for your kids.
2007-10-25 06:47:36 · answer #3 · answered by Lei Al 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get on with your life ,he is stalling and those are not his kids no matter what he tells you.He is dodging you because he is young and still free to do what he wants.
2007-10-25 06:33:38 · answer #4 · answered by heartache53 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋