I need help with my husband.?

Question

I have been with my husband for 7 years now, and I have been married for 1 and 1/2 years.
I am really scared cause I am not sure what to do about this situation.... I love him! I just hate what he does to me.
I am not the perfect woman, I am a little over weight, I am cranky at times.. and sometimes I am plain mean.
The thing is, he is very abusive to me. He is the only man I have been sexually active with. I think that I might have felt obligated to marry him too...

About two years ago, he got into drugs and slept around claiming he never wanted to see me again, he came back to me a week later starving and crying for help, I couldnt turn him down, I loved him ya know...?
Since then he turned into a verbally and physically abusive man. He has punched my in the face, choked me till I almost passed out, thrown me in the wall, and hit me repetivtly.
He stopped the physical abuse about a month before we got married. Now he is very verbally absive telling how much he hates me.

He has cheated on me 6 times, but that was before we got married....
I am scared of him, I want to be far away, i think I am scared.... I dont know what to do!!! Do i need to leave him? Or is it my fault that I made the mistake? What do I do, i need help please? Even if there is someone who has gone through the same thing that can help me..
Thanks.

How do I leave him?

How would I end up in a orse situation??

Answer 1

First of all ... stop putting yourself down. You are strong, you are smart, you are full of life. As hard as it may seem to walk away, you can. He will hit you again, he will throw you into a wall again, he will continue to verbally abuse you and if you do not leave now - it will only get worse. Find a domestic abuse shelter. Do not tell him where you are going - just go. Grab your purse and leave - and don't look back. The people at the shelter will give you what you need and also provide the tools and resources for you to cope with him.

You owe it to yourself to have a better life. I have too many friends that have walked in your shoes - and each one will tell you exactly what I am telling you. Life is too short and I promise you time heals.

Answer 2

No one deserves to be beaten and abused regardless of what has been said (we all get cranky, a bit overweight at times and we can all be mean at times).

You say that you love him, Is it possible to get marriage counselling? Would he agree to it or even to some help for his drug taking which is surely making him abusive.

It sounds like you are scared of him and I would be too. I haven't been in exactly the same situation although I have had a few rough boyfriends before I got married but I had to get away from them and it was not easy as one tried to track me down.

If you leave him you need to leave without a trace so to speak.Also you will need a restraining order to stop him from coming near you. Hopefully you have a friend or family that you can stay with for a short time until you sort out your own place . Don't feel guilty about divorcing him as he has cheated on you and abused you.

Never give him or anyone he knows your address or phone number and if you have to change jobs because he starts to stalk you it's worth it to do so.

Surely your life and well being is more important than how your husband is treating you. I really hope you are able to get some help as soon as possible, this is no life for anyone to live. If you know a good local church they may be able to help you if you don't have any family near by. They usually have good counselling services and will be like a family for you.

Answer 3

You need to get out of there for your own safety and sanity. Where do you live? In the US there are battered women's shelters. You can see about one at your local police station. No matter how much you love someone, love yourself first. You have allowed him to treat you like this and have taken him back each time he cheats. He has no reason to change because you allow him to act the way he does. Why would you marry a man that beats you up? Being a little over weight and cranky is not an excuse for him to abuse you. Don't think that it is your fault. It is his. Nobody is perfect and we can all be cranky. Do you have a friend that you can stay with? Family? Look in the phone book at your county services. If you can find nothing there check the police station. Whatever you do I would get out of there before he really hurts you or kills you. Good luck dear.

Answer 4

Darling, this man will end up hurting you really bad. Then he will blame it on you. Your key word is "scared". You shouldn't be scared in your own home. The physical abuse may have stopped, but I can promise that once he has crossed the line and hit you, he will lay his hands on you again. Being emotionally abused is just as horrible as being physically beaten. No one deserves to be treated like this. Gather your strength and get the hell out if you can. If you can't leave right away, make a plan to set aside a little cash and look for a place to live when you are able to leave. There is someone out there who will love you without causing you so much pain! Good luck to you!

Answer 5

Get out of there, the next time he beats you could be the last time if you know what I mean. That's usually how it happens. I'd leave right now if you can, but if you can't leave when he's not there, maybe when he goes to work; that's if he works. That will give you some time to get some of your things together and have someone pick you up unless you have your own vehicle, ask your family to help you; if you don' t have any family near by ask your friends, the police, women's shelter, etc., just get the hell out of there. What would you tell your daughter if she was going through the same thing? Hopefully you wouldn't tell her to stay.

Answer 6

U are among the thousands of women that think this will all change. Some of them didnt live to see it. It will only get worse. You need to leave while you have the power to do so. You may be among the ones that dont live to warn others. This is not a game. HE WILL HURT YOU more every time. Get out and get a restraining order on him so he cannot come near you

Answer 7

You need to as safely as possible remove yourself from there. Go to a shelter. That is safe and they can help a tremendous amount. You do not deserve to be abused no matter what he says, I promise. Listen, you are a survivor and you are strong, next time you leave, don't go back. He is not good for you, let him be, and take yourself out of there. But be safe, don't tell and don't go when he is there, violence can be at its worst when the battered leave. Please be careful, involve the police if that is how to be safe. Being safe is really important. You need to find someone that has your best interest at heart to help you, that man does not have your best interest at heart. You need to get your best interest into your mind and get away. Sorry so mean about it but be careful.....take care.....S

Answer 8

Leave. Report the abuse to the police. Get a restraining order against him. Tell the cops you need help, they will help you find the resorces you need to get on your feet and on your own and to teach you how not to become a victim of abuse again. Mainly, right now, just leave.

Answer 9

This is simple - leave your husband! If you have friends or family in the area, go and stay with them. Call a lawyer and start the process of getting divorced. No love is worth getting beaten up for.

Answer 10

So wht if you are over weight my dear, even you are a human and have a heart like others. Please move on you dont have to ruin your life to be with such kind of loser a chauvnist. You check with the lawyer who will direct you for a divorce with this man (animal) that you are living with. And pelase divert your mind by going for a good job where you will feel good and comfortable. Please leave him!!