Can someone tell me a funny joke?

Question

I am sitting in the dark sobbing and need someone to make me laugh!

Answer 1

Let me try to get this right. Hopefully you are a democrat *^_^*....Okay so, Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at George W, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy." Goerge W. shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." George Bush Senior says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw the 3 of you out the window and make the whole world happy."

Answer 2

As you are aware, ships have been characterized as being female (e.g., "Steady as she goes" or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!") Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:


FIVE REASONS TO BELIEVE COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.


2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.


3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you.


4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.


5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it and desiring an upgrade.





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However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow:


FIVE REASONS TO BELIEVE COMPUTERS ARE MALE

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.


2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.


3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.


4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.


5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

Answer 3

WEll teach. I'm slow poking again, just got on line 11;00 a.m. Tell you what Goole Neil Boortz, He has a VERY complete joke section.
Jim (Pennyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy)

Answer 4

Uhhhhhhhhhh....don't know how funny this will be. In fact, it's pretty corny, but I'll give it a shot!
Q: Where do animals go when there tails fall off?

(Full....full...full...MOON!) Time's up!
The answer is: The Retail Store! ^_^

Hope that helped and that things get better.

Answer 5

There are two muffins in an oven one muffin goes "wow, it's hot in here" the other muffin goes "holy crap a talking muffin" :)

okay this is the most pointless dumb joke ever but it makes me laugh everytime.

Answer 6

what are 14 animals that live in a pair of pantyhose?




2 calves
1 beaver
10 piggies
and 1 fish nobody can find

Answer 7

OKAY. Here is a clean one you can tell to your students.
What do you name a flat back camal?
Humpfrey.

Answer 8

How do you make a Apple puff?



chase him around the orchard.

Answer 9

How do you make a car top?

Tep on the bake tupid!

Answer 10

SObbing?!!?!? we can't have that!!!!! well i understand! we're only human! ummmmmmmmmm jokes....
what did that man say when he walked into a bar?





OUCH!!!! haha! get it, a BAR!!! | hahaha