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My parents got divorced 18 years! It was a bitter divorce and my mother has resented the fact that I have choosen to have a relationship and get to know my dad as the "new man" and I have a very positive relationship with him! My mom has never even seen him in 18 years, and was pissed when she found out he bought a house for 1/4 million dollars in Colorado!?

My Mother missed my high school graduation, my wedding, my son being born, and my college graudation because my father was there...why do I have to choose...and why is she being so lame...I'm 27 years old now and I've had my own divorce! I walked in on my ex husband sleeping with the neighbor lady after I'd been gone for a week because my sister was dying and wanted to be with her...and I'm still not that angry with him.

I know I can't change her feelings towards my father, but I would really like to figure out how to get her to stop bad mouthing him in front of me and my son. Any ideas? And flat out saying so hasn't helped

2007-10-24 16:51:27 · 11 answers · asked by washington_maverick 3 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

11 answers

You are right that you can't change how she feels about your father. But you can change whether or not you listen to it. It will be hard, but you need to tell her that she either has to stop bad mouthing him or you and your son will not be around her anymore. It is a horrible thing to have to do, but she shouldn't put your son through this. Think of how hard this has been on you. Do you really want your son to have to go through the same thing? Give her the ultimatum and then follow through. If she loves you and your son, she will put her personal vendetta aside and learn to talk in a civil manner.

2007-10-24 16:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by Kima 2 · 1 0

Don't let him move with his dad. The father is calling too often. You should not have let him stay there that long. He is used to doing whatever he wants and no longer wants a structured life. Take the father to court for child support and he will leave you alone. I don't see why you are feeling guilty. The guy is not helping you financially or otherwise. He is messing with your child's mind. He doesn't give you any type of support. You and your son should go to therapy right away. Take your son's phone for a while.

2016-04-10 03:51:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Tactfully try changing the subject when she brings him up. If she goes back to bad mouthing him then let her know that it makes you feel really bad to hear her talk like that and that it makes you feel uncomfortable (easier said than done, i know) If she still continues then I guess you just have to walk away, find something else to do to cut the conversation off.

I have the same problem and it is really awful to go through, I totally empathise with you.

2007-10-24 17:07:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

my opinion is that you tell her one last time to not talk bad about your dad in front of you, tell her if she doesn't do it you are going to cut her out of your life explain to her how you feel and that the fact that maybe to her he was not a good husband he is your father and you love him regardless, if she doesn't stop walk away and distance from her I mean its bad because I know she is your mom but maybe if you put some distance between you two she will get the point after a while and will not talk bad about you father in front of you

2007-10-24 17:03:49 · answer #4 · answered by B 2 · 1 0

do you live with your mother now? If not, whenever she starts in, just get up and leave. If our child is old enough to understand what she is saying about your father, take him aside and explain that your mother is mad at your father but that he has to just not pay attention to her. Otherwise, if he get to know your father, he may end up in an argument about his grandfather and then you will have arguments there as well as the comments.
By the way, good for you for leaving the husband!!

2007-10-24 17:04:36 · answer #5 · answered by Al B 7 · 2 0

all you can do is ask her nicely to refrain from talking bad about everyone in front of you and your son. tell her you feel that it is not good for your son to hear such negitive energy and that you wish for him to have a positive attitude on life. not a life of bitterness and hate, if that dont work, request that she not visit anymore. you have a right to have a relationship with your father, no matter what she thinks, and tell her the only one she is hurting is herself.

2007-10-25 00:44:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

how about asking her why she feels it is so necessary for her to bad mouth your dad!
ask her if she thinks it is not enough that she had missed out on the most important days of your life!
maybe just maybe she is still in love with him and it makes her feel better to hate him because she just might have been wrong about him
but dont cut your mother out of your life just tell her you dont want to hear it and be done with it
when she starts walk away
just dont disrespect her
she is your mom

2007-10-24 17:25:18 · answer #7 · answered by bettylvsbell 2 · 1 0

She needs a psychological evaluation. She is wasting her own life by letting hatred/bitterness eat her up.

When she is bad mouthing, just tell her to watch her mouth around your son. Remind her that it's not good for herself either and that you are concerned for her mental well-being.

2007-10-24 16:56:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

So you flat out told her already, but did you tell her what the consequences would be if she didn't stop? If not, tell her you will not tolerate that immature behavior and it's not healthy for her to act like that around your son. If she doesn't stop, you'll have to have less contact with her. Let her know you understand that she may not like him, but he is still your father and your sons grandfather and you will no longer tolerate it! And like always, FOLLOW THROUGH!!!

2007-10-24 16:58:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

I would cut her out of your life for a while. Sounds like your father is a better person and deserves to be in your life.

2007-10-24 16:55:38 · answer #10 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 1 0

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