Should I (and when) tell my 3 kids their Dad is having a baby with his ex-girlfriend?

Question

Husband & I separated but on good terms & haven't ruled out getting back together. During our year separation, girl he had affair with got pregnant (found out after they broke up). It is his. He is going to support it financially & be a part of its life. Our kids are still dealing with our separation (they're 8, 11, 15). Not ready to dump this news on them. I guess I have to someday, just not sure how/when. Regardless if we get back together or not.

Answer 1

It's not a matter of his responsibility/your responsibility.....This has to do with your children. Yes, they have a right to know, the sooner the better. At their ages they are not stupid. Whether you get back together or not is irrelevent when it comes to the issue of telling them about the baby. You've already stated that he intends on being a part of this childs life. Your children are half brother/sister to this child. There are alot of emotional issues that your children are forced to deal with at this time in their lives. Both of you need to present yourself as a united front for their sakes, tell them together, (you're both responsible if for no other reason than your mommy & daddy), and then both together & separately, get these children into some counseling therapy, so that they can learn to deal with their emotions appropriately, and begin that healing process.

Most children their ages usually blame themselves for situations like this, this is a proven fact. They will deal with anger, denial, depression & alot more than this because of the added stress of the new baby. I will keep you all in my prayers. May God bless you, guide you & good luck.

Answer 2

when they're is children involved, u have 2 do what's best 4 them- they r having a hard time dealing w/ the fact that Daddy doesn't live there anymore, & quite sure that they know that he's cing (or was) some1 else- the pain that it's caused u- the life style changes- & now this has happened. Don't 4get that even tho they r young- they r hurting 2, they may b young, but they have feelings & emotions just like u and quite not sure how to deal and cope w/ them themselves.They r going threw enough changes on their own w/ just life itself, school,development that everything around them will influence eveything they do from here to eternity. If I were u & have the supportive resources (family, friends, community,etc.), I would go to them & ask 4 help w/ this to help ur children w/ this. I would aslo make sure that she is in fact,- pregnant w/ a Doctor note stating so b4 saying anything 2 them. Only than would I allow such news 2 b carried to the kids, and I would make it their Father's duty to do it- not u. I would b there 4 them in the room so they can come 2 u - in reach- 2 hold & get comfort if they so choose to need or want it. I would also let these children now that this is not in any way acceptable 4 a marriage let alone a healthy relationship to b, & let them know what 1 should b like, & b honest bout it.
I would also really consider the facts that r in front of u in plain view- this relationship between u & ur "husband" is not worth the trauma that it has caused for u & the kids. Bing on good friendly terms is great 4 the kids bcause they need both their parents no matter what w/out feeling to choose 1 over the other. Keep that going 4 them- luving them and supporting them- putting them 1st is the most important thing in life u and their father need 2 do first & foremost. Children r not as resilient as most ppl think & alot of life's "adventures" advocate what happens 2 them from here to adulthood. B there 4 them as much as possible, luv them, nurture them - enjoy them. U also need 2 ask urself- on a personal note- if he has done this 2 u & the marriage w/ 3 children the 2 of u have already- & 1 other possibly on the way,-( & that didn't work), how do u know he is not going to keep doing this over & over putting u all threw the same trauma? I honestly blieve that u should just remain friends 4 every1's sake & allow the wounds 2 heal over time w/ u & ur children. Good luck w/ everything & I hope u all turn out okay.

Answer 3

Being that this child is going to be their half sibling, they need to know honey, but it should not come from you. It's a messed up situation, they are going to have questions and quite frankly, since you don't have all the answers yourself, it really should come from him. But after he's done telling them, please sit them down and explain that this is NOT how normal life is suppose to work. And how just because their dad made a mistake, doesn't mean they should treat this innocent baby as one either.

Answer 4

I would wait and get a paternity test to find out if that baby is really his. Is this girl really pregant? Women say and do some things in order to keep the guy. Make sure before you tell the kids.

Answer 5

First of all it was your husbands doing have him tell the kids. why should you explane his mis conduct to them he cheeted and he now has to deal with it. I would start having kids go to counseling maybe first start with the seperation and then after he tells them about the new baby they will already be comfurable with whoever they are seeing to really say how they feel.

Answer 6

soooo much drama.... get STD testing. see a counselor & meet with a mediator. it's time to grow up -you're a parent now & have responsibilities to the child. stop expecting the man to be someone he isn't & work towards a healthy co parenting relationship.

Answer 7

if you're still seperated keep it that way. i think your ex is no good for you. if he really loves you and still considers getting back to you he would not play around and get anybody pregnant. as for the kids they deserve to know they're not that young anymore they understand what's going on. if you keep it a secret from them they might resent you for lying to them.
assure them that you love them and you'll be there for them whatever happens.

Answer 8

Yep, or get him to do it. I don't think they're learning it's okay, because they see the pain it has caused you. I have a friend who's dad cheated on her mom and her mom took him back. She's really unhappy about it, has a poor relationship with her father and avoids relationships.

Answer 9

Yes you should tell the children. Your questions should be when should you tell them.

Make him tell them. Then start accepting the realities of your life and marriage to this man.

Good luck.

Answer 10

You dont need to tell them. Have him tell them. He is the one having the baby after all.