My fiance thinks it's okay to and ultimately wants to continue living with his parents... indefinitely. Honestly, Iove his mother very much but am having a lot of trouble living with her (and I've been here a year now). I've voice my feelings about it to him but he tells me that he's made up his mind and if I cann't agree then maybe I should be somewhere else. Is my objection to this completely in my head? Should I wait for him to come around? Shoudl I just comply?
2007-10-24 16:08:26 · 22 answers · asked by Shay 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe permanently isn't the right term...
He just tells me he doesn't want to make any promises about moving out because he doesn't know if we ever will. Sounds like false hope to me but maybe I'm being irrational...
2007-10-24 16:46:11 · update #1
I don't recommend it. Couples need there own space.
2007-10-24 16:13:54 · answer #1 · answered by Angela J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
eh...hemmmm.....He obviously loves his momma and daddy, you are not number one. The bible says when a couple get married they leave momma and daddy. If he cannot do this severing of the umbilical cord, then you need to move out and move on. Every decision will be overshadowed by momma, and that might be okay for a while, because you like her, but when she starts really dictating and guilting you into things that suit her it will erode your relationship with his family and with him because it is very obvious who is at the top of his totem pole....He will not come around. No, you should not comply, unless you have no problem being an endentured servant to him and his family.
The one good thing I see here is that most men who value and respect their momma also respect and value their woman, but they cut the cord...they cut it, get it?? snip, snip or start packing....
:You know what? what is his ethnic background? Some cultures, like asians, or indians live with each other, indefinately...if he is one of those from that type of culture, I guess you will have to just lump it or leave it...you know what I mean. It is the old, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit. ......thingy...
2007-10-24 16:21:34 · answer #2 · answered by Kiki B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is just nuts. Neither my husband nor I could live with ANY of our parents. You should have a home of your own. Period. I would seriously re-consider marrying this guy. Part of being a couple is living in a way that both of you are happy. You're not and he doesn't seem to think it's all that important. I'd get out before a year turns into 10. Perhaps he'll see how serious you are and decide to move out with you. Good luck :)
2007-10-24 17:53:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your fiance isn't listening to you and isn't concerned about your feelings. If you don't want to stay there then leave. Staying hoping he will come around would be the same as complying. If he isn't listening to you or taking your feelings into account then you have to stand up and do what you feel has to be done. You have to take care of yourself here. How does his mother feel about this? I know that as much as I love my children and would help them out when they needed it that I couldn't have them and their family stay with me indefinitely. Only you can decide what to do. What do you want?
(Personally I would leave and tell him that when he was ready to leave home he could look me up. I am not one to just sit there and be the only one giving in a relationship. Just what I would do.)
Good luck.
2007-10-24 16:45:47 · answer #4 · answered by bkdrm41897 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this when I was married. We stayed at his parents for a year. After a year, I wanted to get our own place but he would drag his feet. It finally came down to the fact that he liked being spoiled by his family. I gave him the ultimatum your fiance gave you. I left and two days later he called and asked if I wanted to go apartment shopping. But honestly, with you not even being married, I would re-consider the whole situation. It sounds like he doesn't have much regard for your comfort or opinion. You deserve to be treated better than that.
2007-10-24 16:15:32 · answer #5 · answered by Jenny 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would just move.If he doesn't follow you then it's his loss.If his mom is already getting to you it is time to go.Married couples need to be on thier own.He needs to grow up and be a man.Sounds like he is afraid to be away from mommy...Thats not good..How you feel now about it will be 100 times worse in 6 months.If he loves you ,he will follow,if not find a real man..He has his nerve saying his mind is made up..Like you're not suppose to have a say so in any major decisions...I already don't like him...Good luck
2007-10-24 16:19:49 · answer #6 · answered by dusty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love him and is really serious on keeping the relationship, then live with your in-laws. There are benefits as well as draw-backs in living with them. If your in-laws are just critical (normal for in-laws) but do not hurt you or make you a slave, then accept the fact that your love is more important than your pride. Who knows? Someday, he may want to leave and anyway, your in-laws will not live forever.
2007-10-24 16:30:19 · answer #7 · answered by Storm Shadow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be kidding me about the idea of living with a mother -in-law.
My NIL moved with is and the whole marriage fell apart.
we are getting divorce now.
You have to wait for him to come around. The idea of living with in-laws will not work. Trust me on that.
2007-10-24 16:25:08 · answer #8 · answered by Romi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sonny boy wants all the perks of being a grown up and none of the responsibility. No, it is NOT okay to live indefinitely with one's parents. If this arrangement is okay with his parents, something must be wrong with them, too.
2007-10-24 16:15:52 · answer #9 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im married and live with my in laws but only till we get on our feet and pay off some bills. And thats understandable but to be married and live with your parents is not good.
You two need space. Im sure it will be akward living with a grown mans parents especally when you have problems they are going to get involved. ANd what about having kids are they going to live there too and thier kids and thier kids.
Talk to him tell him its time to let go of moms apron string and get out on his own.
Come on im 19 and i got out of my moms place at 18 tell him to grow up
2007-10-24 16:24:07 · answer #10 · answered by Mr.Gemini 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He ain't going to come around honey! Either you are prepared to live with the in laws or time to move on. East Indian people do it all the time - that is why they live in such big houses! It has its advantages like live in child care.
2007-10-24 16:13:01 · answer #11 · answered by curiouscanadian 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋