If you know your mate has lied about something to you, how do you let him you know the truth and that he lied?

Question

here's the thing my mate has been in contact with someone that I asked him not to I noticed she contacted him by text and he responded by text and phone call

Answer 1

Be upfront about it, and tell him. Communication is an important thing to have in a relationship, and by you not saying how you feel, you are just as much to blame....

Answer 2

Ask him how she's doing? When he replies that he hasn't contacted her, give him the U-know-what look. Oh really? Then go get a phone book, find the Yellow Pages and randomly open it around the middle of the section. That'll open it under Lawyers (U can practice it a few times, or even have it tabbed secretly!) -- If he hasn't asked U what are you doing by then ... simply ask him what do U think I'm doing? If he guesses right that you're looking for a divorce lawyer, U can be snippy and say, No, I'm ordering a pizza, what would give U the impression that I would call a Divorce Lawyer?

Now, U got me if you're not married, hold on ... Hmmm.

OK, call your sister to come get U. Go upstairs and start packing your things. If he asks You what do U think you are doing? Reply, "I'm packing for a vacation away from U. Obviously U don't care what I think, won't listen to me, and U lied to me. I don't know if or when I'll be back, let me think about that later."

Answer 3

First of all, your mate may be upset that you looked through their phone. The reason you did this was because you did not trust them, and you found out that you were right. This is what you need to tell them when they are upset that you looked through their phone.

Know this:
If they weren't honest to you about this, they could have been lying to you in the past. This doesn't sound like a good relationship. How do you know for sure that this is the first time this has happened? Looks like a rat, smells like a rat...it probably is a rat.

You probably want everything to work out, but please, don't do it at the risk of your happiness. Happiness in the long term is much better than in the short term. I have seen so many good friends change and become sad people because they chose to stay in unhealthy relationships without trust.

Respect yourself. If you are being lied to by someone that you have trusted, don't subject yourself to that.

The best way to let them know that you know that you lied to them? "I know that you have lied to me, and I don't want to be with someone that I cannot trust. I respect myself more than that, and I deserve better." Then walk out the door.

This may seem extreme to some, but if you stay with them after they you that you know that they lied to you, they could do it with more ease in the future because they have the mindset that you will always be there, patiently waiting.

There are much better fish in the sea. Start fishing again.

Answer 4

I would probably first ask him directly if, per your previous agreement, he has been in contact or heard from her. I'd do this to see how he responded and whether he fessed up. If he asks why you are mentioning it you could say you thought of her again for some reason and its been playing on your mind. Hopefully he'll own up and explain the situation. If not, and the calls/texting keeps happening I would finally confront him about it and tell him how you know that he's not telling the truth. Sounds like a difficult situation so I really hope it works out ok for you. Sometimes there is a genuine explanation despite how bad it may seem.

Answer 5

Hmmm.....depends on how much you value your relationship. If he is lying now and you are not married, and only your mate, (boyfriend) then SEE the red flag and depart from it. Lying doesn't go away, ever...once a liar, always one, unless he has a true conversion. He might have just been trying to be nice to her, since obviously he did care...OR he is a jerk, playing you, but he can still like you whilst doing so, he can even live with you because it is convient, you are there, he gets what he wants, you know what I am saying, but he is still prowling....
It just means he is not commited to you, or maybe he just knows IF you find out he will be in trouble/busted. If there is something going on, you will know, hopefully before it is too late. Trust your instincts.
Truth hurts...but, reality bites and if he is nibbling on the other bit of reality, then get away from him before it is too late. Because the real truth is, YOU deserve better. Someone who values you, is trustworthy and is 100 percent commited to you.

Answer 6

Yesterday i found out too that my BF has been keeping things from me and lying. I wasn't sure how to confront. But i finally did last night - kinda!
I told him that all i ever asked was totall honesty. That we would tell each other everything from the start even if it hurt. And then i told him that i found something that proved that he hasn't been totally honest with me. He told me that he didn't know what i was talking about and asked me what it was. So i told him that it wasn't for me to tell him what i found but for him to tell me what he's hidding! He denied it all night - so i kicked him out.
Well today he came to see me and confessed it all. And more then i thought. He confessed to even more then i was bargaining for!
So now i am faced with should i forgive him. I told him that i can forgive but not forget. I will always have the doubt in the back of my mind that he is still hidding things. It is his first offence, so maybe i will give him one last chance?
So if i we're you, yes i would confront him. Cause if you don't then you are only toturing yourself.

Answer 7

Be honest, and say hey, I know you were texting her...why would you do that when you know I don't like it? Better yet, what are you hiding since you lied about it?

Then, sit back and listen. If its a good reason, forgive and forget. If not, tell him to stop contacting her or else!

Answer 8

How did you "notice"? If you were spying on him then you are guilty of not being trustworthy, too.

If I simply discovered that my mate had been lying to me, then I'd tell them straight up. There would be no reason for me to hide behind anything if I just came by that information. But if I snuck around to get that information (which I wouldn't do) then I'd look just as bad as them. So if you fall into the first category, then just tell him.

Answer 9

Show him the proof and just stand back and see how he wiggles out of this one.

I don't know what a "mate" is (are you legally married) Unless you are legally married you should not be surprised.

If you have to forbid something, there is a problem in your relationship.

Answer 10

I went through a similar situation. I took my boyfriends phone to take pictures of myself on it and set it as his wallpaper to be sweet. Out of curiosity I went through recent calls. I confronted him the next day about it and he admitted to calling that girl but that he only did it b/c he felt rude about not calling back. The next night I made him call her and end the lines of communication. He called her and they no longer talk. occasionally I check his phone. It takes a long time to get that trust back so whatever you have to do do it soon.

Answer 11

I have a friend going through a simiar problem...best thing be honest and up front...he may freak out and think you are being silly but at least he will know that you are upset about it. Lying isn't the best thing for any relationship even when it's little.