What do you think about spouses who don't want kids? Are they just being selfish?

Answer 1

Only wanted children should be conceived. Accidents happen but for someone who doesn't want kids to have them is wrong.

Answer 2

hmmm....

1.) I'm not married
2.) I don't have any kids
3.) My parents had a really messy divorce and I still don't speak to my father because of it.

However...

4.) I teach children Aikido. Those classes are my favorite part of the week. I think kids are cool and they seem to think the same of me. Basically, I like and respect children enough to not have my own... not when there is a potential for me to repeat my own parent's experience in some way. I just won't risk putting someone else through what I went through.

I have a niece and a nephew. I love those kids... but I'm happy being their uncle. I'd rather be the guy that takes them to a roller coaster park and gives them advice their parents can't give them. I think I do a better job as an adult relating to kids in that role.

Does that make me selfish? Am I simply rationalizing my actions? I'm not sure, but it is what it is.

Having said that, I think that expecting or pressuring someone into being a parent is a bad thing. However, I don't think it stops there. Becoming a parent is only the first step. After one becomes a parent, they have to continue being a parent until they die.

In a way, deciding to not be a parent, depending on who's making the decission, may be the best thing a person can do for the kids they don't yet have.

I suppose the decision to not have kids can be either selfish or selfless depending on perspective - perhaps the person knows they can't handle it and would rather not have kids when they know they can't be a good parent.

Then, wouldn't the partner who wants kids be the selfish one? Wanting to have kids so badly that they will go ahead and fulfill their wish knowing ahead of time the other parent doesn't want to?

We say 'think about the children' all the time... perhaps we should consider the idea that maybe we should consider the realistic rather than fantasy, fairy tale life the child will potentially live of children that aren't here yet BEFORE we create them?

I'm glad to be here, but I think my mother would have been making a more selfless choice to not have kids if she had known my fathers real feelings on the issue ahead of time. She didn't know that so I don't believe she was being selfish - every action she has made regarding my sister and me has been anything but without a single exception. If she had, then knowing ahead of time and going ahead anyway would have been selfish.

Think about it - I wouldn't have been around to be happy or sad about anything at all if I hadn't been born.

Parenting isn't a right or a privilege, its a responsibility. Its not a question of wanting to or not, its a question of should you or not.

Ironic that these days it seems that those who would be good parents don't have kids and those who are certain to be bad parents end up having Brady Bunches.

Which parents are more selfish again?

Answer 3

Hopefully before two people actually get married, they've thought to discuss this issue in depth, so that there are no "surprises" later on. It is possible, however, that even if the issue is discussed beforehand, and both agree (for example) not to have kids, one may change their mind at some point, and the other might not. Then there's bound to be friction. Hopefully it's something that they can work out, and if it isn't, it could be a problem that ends in divorce. I don't think it's selfish to not want kids, and I don't think it's selfish to want them, either. What would be selfish (to me) is forcing someone else to abide by something I tell them they should abide by. Having children (or not having them) is a huge issue, and both points of view are just as valid as the other.

Answer 4

As I stated in another question, if a couple can't agree on something as important as this, they don't need to be together. You may think he or she may be "the one," but if you differ on something like wanting to be a parent, then you are obviously mistaken.
Anyway, no, they are not being selfish. The person that wants kids needs to find someone else that does, too.

Answer 5

How is it selfish? Especially if both spouses agree on the subject. Frankly, I think those who want children and know their spouse doesn't are much more selfish, since they hurt not only their spouse but their children.

On our first date, my husband and I told each other that we didn't want children, and this was non-negotiable. Twenty years later we're very happy with our elderly cat. We have a few friends who didn't want children but were pressured into it by spouses. They're miserable, their spouses (and sometimes ex-spouses) are miserable, and their children are miserable. Having a child that isn't wanted by both parents is much more selfish than choosing not to have children.

Answer 6

No I don't, I think having children to please your spouse and you not wanting to have them is very selfish. I have a sister who never wanted kids but was desperado to get married so she had 2 and she is not a loving mother whatsoever. I mean she loves her kids, but she doesn't show any affection like hugging or kissing them. She buys them expensive toys I think to make up for the guilt that she must feel. I do feel very sorry for her kids.

Answer 7

Would you really want to have kids with someone who didn't? What kind of parent would they be? Thank goodness they're telling you beforehand, not after. Otherwise, you'd end up a single parent, whether you were with the spouse or not.

Answer 8

This is decision a couple should make for themselves. Selfishness comes into play when one spouse lies to the other, as my friend's husband did when they married. She wanted kids more than anything, he said they'd have them, and then said no. She's still heartbroken after 20 years. She would have been a wonderful mother.

Answer 9

I think that it's responsibility. I feel that if a spouse does not want kids that they need to talk about that before they get married things that are important like that should be talked about before you get married.

Answer 10

As someone committed to not having kids (and has taken responsibility for preventing the situation from arising), I have difficulty seeing much point in GETTING married. I certainly would not want to marry someone with the understanding that we wouldn't have children only to have them change their mind and end up resenting me because they start really wanting one. But I can imagine a partner in that situation might see me as selfish. Hence, my also not marrying.

Answer 11

I think it is insanity for someone who wants kids to marry someone who does not. Nothing wrong with the person who doesn't want kids and is honest about it from the start.