I have been dating my Special Forces Marine for about a year now and I love him deeply, as of late he has talked about wanting me to be the mother of his children and the only woman in his life ans asked me to move in with him. He has hinted to me that he feels to be to the point of giving me a ring. Here is the thing, I love him very very much and want to be with him with every fiber of my beeing but I am not sure that I am on the same page when it comes to getting engaged (YET) yes I want to in the future marry this man, but I want us to really know one another better before I say yes to spending the rest of my life with him. Again it is not in any way that I do not love him or have secids thoughts, but I am just net ready for this major step YET, how do I tell him YES i want to marry you but I am not ready yet?????
2007-10-24 15:02:25 · 18 answers · asked by one Life to live 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What you just said to us seems to be pretty reasonable to me.
However, you may want to be a little pre-emptive on this one. You don't want him going out and buying a ring when you know the answer is going to be "not yet". That would be a little devastating.
What you may want to do is beat him to the punch. If the two of you are close enough so that one of you is thinking of marriage, you may want to bring up the subject with him in general terms. You can sort of drop hints that while you love the idea of marriage, you are still not ready at this point in your life to be married. You can say things like "Whenever I thought about it, I always pictured myself getting married in my late twenties (or whatever age you want to put in here)." or "I always admire Juile and John for getting married when they did. They had a lot of time to get to know each other before they settled down"
I wish you well.
2007-10-24 15:09:19 · answer #1 · answered by Pythagoras 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Try these words "I am just not ready for this major step YET....I want to marry you but I am not ready yet"
Be honest and tell him that you want to take some time, so that you both know each other completely. He has experienced more in life than you have (seeing as he is SF Marine), so may be more ready than you, but right now you need a bit more time to be comfortable. Even if you get engaged, you can put off the wedding (and cohabitation) for some time. An engagement can last a year or two with no problems!
Good luck with your future!
2007-10-24 15:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by fire4511 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him before he proposes. When one person is set on moving forward in the relationship they will always want answers about why you want to wait. You need to think about your reasons and be very clear. Is it that although you've been together for a year given his work you haven't spent a great deal of time together? Is it your age? If not already would you be willing to move in with him?
Marriage is alot of things some of them being communication, compromise and honesty. This situation will test your relationship but also may be an indication whether you two have got what it takes to have a lasting marriage as you will face many disagreements in future.
Don't wait to tell him all this when he proposes. You'll make him feel like a huge fool and he won't be able to listen to what you're saying as he'll just be thinking of what an a** he's been.
Good Luck.
2007-10-24 15:49:13 · answer #3 · answered by Tracey H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being honest with him about your feelings is the best course to take. Let him know how much you love him but you want to be certain that you are ready to get married; not to committ to him, but to make the vows at this time. Tell him, as you have us, that you see your future with him as his wife, by his side, but just want a bit more time to get engaged. You must have reasons for this, perhaps you are wanting to concentrate on your work/career before settling in as a mom. If he really loves you, he will believe you and wait. Just don't make him wait too long for that engagement as some other gal will be wanting to walk down the aisle with him. Perhaps you can give him a length of time that you wish to wait before becoming engaged. Good Luck to you. You are wise to wait, at this time feeling as you do.
2007-10-24 16:24:34 · answer #4 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Accept the ring and if you are comfortable moving in with him do so. Just set a date for marriage a year from now. That will give you ample time to "get to know him". If during that time you realize that he is exactly what you want you can always move the date back so that you can get the military benefits sooner. But from what you have said you love each other and beyond a question of doubt that is one of the most important factors in deciding to get married. I have found that you must also like the other person. So do you like him? There is a difference between the two. Sometimes our hearts tells us we love someone, but our minds tells us we don't like them. For a marriage to be successful you must have both. You also must be "In" love with him. By that I mean he has to be the guy that if you don't hear from him you worry, if you don't see him you miss him terribly, and he has to be the guy who's touch you can't live without. So if all three are present, you love him, you're in love with him and you like him. Bravo! you are way ahead of the crowd. Now take your time to know him and you will have a happy and successful marriage.
2007-10-24 15:12:28 · answer #5 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you have to tell him just the way you told us. You have to ask yourself why you are not ready yet. I don't think I would move in until you get the ring at least because that is just postponing the moment when you walk down the aisle and it is easier to wait longer if you are living together
On the other hand, since he is special forces you have to consider whether there is a chance he will be sent to fight in this stupid war and perhaps not come back as so many do so, so perhaps if you are sure, the time to get married is now and not wait. Goood luck to you what ever you decide!!
2007-10-24 15:26:35 · answer #6 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You need to be direct. You need to tell him you love him and you want to marry him but you need to get to know him better before you both make that commitment.
Maybe you just need to tell him if you accept the proposal that you will have to have a long engagement until you are ready to set an actual wedding date.
2007-10-24 15:10:51 · answer #7 · answered by Tarheel mom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Time has a way of working things out ... keep in his life and love each other . 1 day you will find the right time to be together forever ,There is nothing better than someone to share your life together and your companionship for the rest of your life. make sure he knows how much you really do love him ... so he knows youre not a player..........
2007-10-24 15:11:22 · answer #8 · answered by lilly l 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him like you just explained it to us be honest and direct you love himbut are not ready or maybe not in your mind old enough nto take this step do not be foolish be smart.
2007-10-24 16:07:50 · answer #9 · answered by mc52132000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Exactly the way you told us! You're just not ready yet. He'll understand, and be glad you'e taking your time with choise
2007-10-24 15:32:03 · answer #10 · answered by happywjc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋