I need a brick to fall on my head?

Question

I have been involved with a man for over 6 years, and I am tired of hearing its all me. You tell me. His house is a total mess. Dogs sleep with him, sheets, blankets only get washed if I do it. Large house but socks, towels (which the cat pees on) things people have given him are everywhere. No pride in home at all. Swears way too much and is like a jekl and hyde personality. I buy groceries, clean up, do his phone calls if problems with bills, etc. He doesnt understand why I wont move in, and blames our problems because I do not live there. Always has time for friends. Calls me just to tell me he needs this that or the other. Very rarely asks how my day went but goes on about his. Doesnt understand why me and his teenage son give him turmoil.The list could go on about him. I work everyday (he works for himself) put in 40+ hours a week and just want some kindness. I try to be paient and bite my tongue . I certainly have my faults but damn I have no problem getting along with others????

Answer 1

So break up with him, or tell him to stop being a lazy bum!

Answer 2

So many bricks have fallen on your head they seem to have addled your wits, honey.

Read back over your question as though a friend was laying this situation out before you, asking your advice. What would you say?

Would you say, "Let's see... you say he lives like a pig, expects you to clean up the mess, even though you don't live there or make the mess, he swears a lot, lets you buy the groceries, clean up his messes (both the housecleaning and the phone calls fall under this category), blames you for any problems, rarely asks about what's going on in your life, expects you to be available when/if it's convenient for him but doesn't give much back... hey, what a deal! What's the problem?"

Or might you say, "Is what you get from this relationship worth what you're paying for it? This situation works great - for him. He's not likely to change it. If you move in, you're going to get more of the same, only it's probably going to be worse. You won't even be able to escape when things get bad by going back to your own place. I don't understand why you're putting up with him, but if you decide to keep seeing him, under no circumstances should you move in (unless you like living like a pig, or doing constant housework) or combining your finances (see "problems with bills, etc."). "

The answer to the "what would you tell your friend" question should help you figure this out. You need to be a good friend to yourself - he certainly isn't!

Answer 3

The brick already fell but you seem to have a thick skull thats why you didnt notice when it hit. But bricks are still falling so all is not lost. You just might feel it next time and hopefully wakeup. Or else you like misery too much to leave it. You seems to be a good and caring person. The guy needs a maid and not a lover. Leave the guy and look for someone else who deserve you.

Answer 4

Well, I know several people who work for themselves and a lot of times they work a lot more than anyone gives them credit for, but certainly not always. And even if he is, that doesn't give him the right to treat your more like a maid. The facts about moving in together are that, yeah, at first things will be better, cause like in the beginning of a relationship, it's all sunshine and lollipops. But over time, it causes MORE stress. And somehow I doubt that if you're already acting like a maid, as much if not more than a girlfriend, its probably not going to get better. Maybe agree to give it a trial run IF he can handle basic home care for himself.

Answer 5

I'd say the brick has already fallen on your head. This man is wanting you to move in to be a live-in housekeeper that he gets to have sex with occasionally. There does not sound like there is any love in your relationship, and certainly the relationship is not even.

Don't give him another day of servitude. The next time he calls you are busy but you will get back to him in a couple of days. Visit him and do absolutely nothing but sit and talk to him, visit about your day, anything you like and then get up and go home - no housework, no bill paying and no cooking. Let him see what life would be like if you are not around.

If that does not wake him up to be what you want, then leave him and find someone to treat you the way you deserve.

Good Luck

Answer 6

My Dear Lady,
You already know the answer but maybe you need to see it in black and white. This man is in this relationship for himself. He has no desire to meet your needs in anyway. Here he has a women who takes care of all the "dirty" things for him, kisses his *** (sorry to say), and doesn't expect anything in return. When did you loose respect for yourself? You deserve so much more! You are allowing this man to take advantage of you for the last 6 years! My goodness! Talk to a counselor, get away from this guy! Show your son that this is not how women are to be treated. Read the book, "Co-depent No More." You will see what I am trying to convey. I hope you will get some strength and gain confidence. Put your energies into yourself so you feel good. Let him and his sloppy house be his concern and start to break away from this user. Good luck!

Answer 7

Hey, lady! You already know the answer to that. So why in world are you putting up with that? You love him that's why you do it. But how about him, does he loves you in return or he just want a free cleaning lady and all? Wake up!! In a relationship, you have to give and take to make it work. And you have to put up with that for 6 long years?! You must be a saint or something. Tell him that you want a break for sometime and see what happens. Good luck!!!

Answer 8

I hate to say this, but you've allowed yourself to become this fellow's surrogate mother, and taking care of his daily needs is not going to change the situation.

It looks like this guy is trying to get you in a full-time maid's position, and you're making it far too easy for him to continue to act in his childish fashion. Why on Earth should he change, when you're more than willing to keep on cleaning up after him, taking care of his problems, and putting up with his antics? From what you've mentioned, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for him to grow up.

One other thing: you've been with him for over 6 years? Shame on you! If you haven't figured out by now just how unhealthy the relationship is, then you're evidently getting something you're wanting from this train-wreck of co-dependency.

Stop enabling this louse and move on. You're not the girlfriend - you're a resource. It's time you stopped being an unlimited one and found something that's healthy for YOU.

Answer 9

Wow, it seems like you summed it all up there in your title! It sounds like you really need to ask yourself why you're staying with this man? Really examine your give and take and decide if it's worth it. You've made a con list, so try starting a pro list. There must be something nice about the man if you're hanging around. If not, you can do better!

Answer 10

I don't think you asked a questions but I'll give you some advice dump him. I know you must be in love, since you clean his house and put up with his ****, but please save yourself some years off of your life and kick him to the curb. He's a man and he should act like one, not act like a child and you're is mother. Ya'll have been dating for 6yrs and he hasn't changed the furture isn't looking to good either. You're better than that move and find someone that will take care of you. LOL

Answer 11

I am in THE EXACT situation, but of eight years, and he is also a pot head, but with no child. The pot contributes to his jekl and hide attitude. I've been trying to leave him but can't find myself the nerve yet. I as well won't move with him. I used to live with him, but I couldn't take it any more. I take care of EVERYTHING, our bills and all. He has no liscence, no GED, and has to dogs making a mess EVERYwhere. Find a way to etch urself away from him, he's only dragging u down. Do it slowly if u must.