what he has done to your personal relationship? Let's say he cheated, you got divorced but he continues to play an active role as a father... would you tell your child the truth about your marriage?
I feel pretty strongly about this subject, and I'm curious to know what other perspectives there are.
2007-10-24 12:25:07 · 13 answers · asked by Lioness 6 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Yes, I absolutely protect the image of my child's father. My child's father did everything against what I believe to be real in a marriage. However, men love thier children differant as do we. This is not protecting your spouse, it is loving your child more than yourself.
2007-10-24 12:34:16 · answer #1 · answered by Krystal 3 · 8⤊ 0⤋
My sister recently divorced her husband and took the kids (although the state of Ohio will not permit her to take the children out of state without his permission... which is probably a good thing, since my sister AND my mother were actually going to just take off with the kids in the middle of the night!)
Anyway, yes, the father drinks too much, is prettymuch a turd, and terribly irresponsible. However, my niece is 14 and my nephew 10... they ask questions (my niece does it just to cause trouble) and I will not be down on him to them.
They know what's what, and are smart enough to play the parents against each other for stuff like cell phones, their own room, clothes, whatever. I'm not letting them drag me into a mud slinging contest to support this, and, most importantly, he is still and always will be their father, for good or bad. Every child comes to the point where they realize their parents are human and fallible. These kids are at that point. They don't need me to be petty and trash talk their dad. I need to be an example too, and petty trash talking is not an example they will get out of me. You have a problem with someone, you work it out or take steps to mitigate the damage, not talk petty trash.
2007-10-24 20:37:36 · answer #2 · answered by eine kleine nukedmusik 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No way would I "tell on" Dad. Children should be protected, and as long as the guy wouldn't hurt the children, keep it to yourself. Besides, the kids are only going to hate the Mom for talking about a beloved father in a bad way.
As they get older, they will find out anyway, and will see Mom in an even better light for her sacrifice and see Dad clearly. Little kids tend to idolize absent parents, and can rationalize anything. But a teen or young adult who suddenly finds out that Dad's a womanizer sees things more clearly - without years of rationalizing.
2007-10-24 19:45:55 · answer #3 · answered by Junie 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I feel that regardless of how the man treated a woman, to tell your children bad things about the father is wrong, and it's bring grown folks issues into a child that can't understand all they know is that they love their mom and dad and it's abuse in my eyes to talk bad about the other parent!
2007-10-24 19:56:00 · answer #4 · answered by rashida_16 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My parents tend to gripe about each other to me in weak moments. But I'm 17, so I can handle it. My brother would definitely hate it. He thinks families should love each other and be happy 100% of the time.
At a certain age, kids of divorced parents will ask what happened to the non-custodial parent. They might as well learn the truth, but not in any vitriolic terms.
2007-10-24 19:49:03 · answer #5 · answered by Rio Madeira 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think it won't matter in the end, because the child is perfectly capable of figuring it out himself or herself. I definitely don't believe you should intentionally drive a wedge between your ex's relationship with your child or children though. That would just go to show how selfish you are, and immature.
2007-10-24 21:36:13 · answer #6 · answered by Mistress Lucy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's the child's father, so it is important that he remains active in the child's life.
The same would be true if the female cheated, etc. She would be the child's mother and thus an important part of the child's life.
If the parent caused harm to the child in any way, that would be the only reason for separating the child from his/her parent.
2007-10-24 19:30:17 · answer #7 · answered by MaryCheneysAccessory 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I would only tell them if they asked, and I felt they were mature enough to handle the truth. Clearly a 8 year wouldn't be but if my 20 year old asked me for the truth I would tell them.
2007-10-24 23:35:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope, parents have no right to emotionally unload on their children. I'm married and love my son so much that I can't imagine ever hurting him by trying to sabotage his relationship with his father if that relationship was positive.
If his father was hurtful to me, then I imagine he'd figure that out on his own in time.
2007-10-24 19:36:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 0⤋
my mother unloads onto me about their divorce all the time.
i really don't like it. it makes me feel a bit guilty for having a relationship with my father (her intention) because it hurts her; but at the same time, it makes him more human & certainly doesn't make me love him any less.
i hope, if i'm ever in that situation, i can handle it properly.
2007-10-24 19:40:37 · answer #10 · answered by Ember Halo 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋