How can I become "real"?

Question

I am a teenager living my life day by day...but every day is the same. Life is a blur and I am confused as to where I stand. I am self-conscious about things as simple as my normal facial expressions. I may say "hi" to people or talk with others but they never seem that interested in me. I don`t really know who my friends are anymore. One group I am in but I don`t "fit" in, one group I want to be in but I barely know the kids. I have no fun. I can`t remember the last time I actually laughed with someone my own age. I am not depressed, but "unalive." My visible character is shy, sweet, nice, smart...blah blah blah. The person I really am is dynamic and almost totally opposite. My voice, my smile, the way I walk...none of these things portray my true identity. How can I be a part of the group of laughing girls during Math class? How can I share in the whispering of a secret crush at a slumber party Friday night? How can I become a "real" person, and not a facade?

Answer 1

1. Don't try to fit into any group. Find out what you like and what you want to accomplish in life. Develop that way instead.

There's a "group" for every aspect of your life and mind. You'll find them without looking.

2. Continue your friendly ways. Those who don't respond will have lost out on meeting a great person like you. But by continuing to be friendly, you'll find other friendly people and your universe will expand.

We humans are social animals. We're best when we're communing: communicating, socializing, sharing....


School is a tough time if you're feel like you're on the "outside". Just finish up. College is a new world, a bigger world with people like you.


For the time being, maybe you can write in a journal, try poetry to express your thoughts and feelings. Get out into the world beyond school: a job at the library or bookstore, for example.

Don't worry. You'll be all right. Life is ups and downs. But it's all good. Stay tuned.


You ARE real.

Answer 2

You ARE being a real person right now in what you just wrote. This is the real you, right? So you do have the capability to be a real person. That should be a bit reassuring. And it sounds like the real you, at this time in your life, is self-conscious, very concerned what others think of you, unhappy and lonely at times, and emotionally blah. Probably a mild depression. Sounds like you have feelings very typical of a teenager.

YOU are also "dynamic," nice, sweet, and smart at times. This is also the real you, but only when it is not a facade behind which you hide your true feelings.You would be surprised how many of your peers share your unhappy and confused feelings. They don't share those feelings much with others, because they fear that talking about such stuff would not be cool and would drive off their friends.

You might try sharing your feelings with one or two friends with whom you are very comfortable, or maybe with a family member. If no one comes to mind, consider making an appointment with a school counselor. That is one of the things they are there for. Also keep in mind that your interests and level of maturity are changing. For example, whispering about "crushes" may seem silly to you now. So you may need some different friends who are a better fit with who you are. But you had better hang around with the old friends too and try to get to know them at a deeper level. And remember, you are growing emotionally and intellectually, and as you mature, your unhappy feelings may gradually subside.

Answer 3

I am really impressed by ur question ...
U briefly Stated how all teenagers feel and think , u r a hell lot of steps further than ur mates in realizing ur conscious ..

U know what u r doing , why are u here , u believe in things certain believe ... I think u think u r totally socially retarded ..
and this is not true ... remove this silly idea from ur head ..

here is a fact ...
U can't laugh or share other people's interests , even if some miracle happened and u joined the group u wish to join , u won't -as well- Fit in there ...

All u need is to find someone who share ur self conscious Aware , someone like u with the same interests and likes ...
then u might get ur desired laugh , and start feeling urself through ur new friend ...

U will feel alive and Real afterwards ... !


Or else , u can throw the way u think and get rid of all ur beliefs - i.e. never use ur mind again- and lower ur self conscious level in order to be able to get along with others ...
= | ... its all ur choice

Answer 4

You are already real. Dia what do you like to do? What makes you happy? Crafting? Dancing? Sketching? Hiking? Join a group that does more of what you're interested in doing. You will meet more like minded people. But do not try to change you to fit what other people want or expect. You will not be able to keep up a facade for very long and why would you want to anyway? Be you. When you meet the people that are like you you will share the whispered secrets, the laughing camaraderie. Someone once told me you are the cake and all the rest is the icing. If the cake doesn't have any icing it's still good. You sound like you have a good heart. So don't look outside yourself to be. Be who you already are. God bless you.

Answer 5

Welcome to being a teenager.

If it's any consolation, pretty much everybody else - yes, even the "in-crowd" kids - feels exactly the same way you do. It's true (I know: I WAS one of the "in crowd")...

So let's hit the areas you brought up, shall we? First, you're self-conscious about everything. That's only natural. You're growing up, both physically (which is pretty darned awkward, I know) but also intellectually. You're thinking new things, catching new depths of meaning to what is said, and body language is taking on a new importance as well. All this is mighty confusing, especially as it tends to happen all at the same time.

As for saying "hi" to people and not getting much of a response, just remember that they're going through this stuff as well. Don't give up on saying hello, and try to follow it up with more to say - give 'em a compliment, share an observation ("that teacher is SUCH a pain!"), stuff like that.

As for the disconnect between your visible and "actual" personalities, that seems to be more from fear than anything else. Normally, it is fear of being rejected for who we are that causes us to hide those things which we value (in your case, your vibrant personality). If we don't stand out, we can't be turned down. In its own way, it makes sense - but it's counter-productive to follow that urge.

Be yourself. The REAL YOU. If something strikes you as funny, laugh. If someone interests you, say "hi" and compliment them on whatever it was that you found so interesting. The only sure-fire way to get the friends you want is to **be** a friend to those people.

So let them come to you.

You're real enough right now, all you're missing is that feeling of belonging with a group of people you have something in common with. But be warned: you may not want to be friends with the laughing girls in Math class if that's all they're about. Find some friends that you're going to be able to enjoy spending time with.

Answer 6

You already have half the battle won. You know who the real you is. You have even described her in your question. There really is no trick to it. Just be that person you have described. You may not be accepted by certain groups but once you start acting like yourself others will be drawn to you. Don't expect it to happen over night. It will take others a while to see the new, more real, you.
I know it's hard. Watching my kids grow up I really noticed how catty and exclusive girls can be. Much worse than the boys at times.
From reading your question I sense an inner self awareness not common with girls your age. Take heart in that. Trust yourself. Don't sacrifice yourself on the alter of approval-seeking.
God bless you!

Answer 7

I love answering your questions! I hope that your way of writing about the things that you think about is something you will carry later into life. You seem like a natural writer. I think that writing (especially on the internet) is a form of self-expression by which you can reach out to your peers, which might be few and far in between. I don't want the good things I say to you to "go to your head," or encourage you to withdraw and isolate further from people around you, or devalue whatever daily regimen of helpful corrective feedback you get from those around you. But, when you write about your positive qualities, you seem to prove what you say about yourself by the way that you write it.

To me, you are obviously way above the average level of intelligence, AND at the same time, possess a different kind of intelligence that is alien to most.

Do you write short stories and stuff? I would love to read them if you have.

I also wish I could converse with you by phone, though I hear the same things in the news as you do about strangers on the internet, and any personal policy of reserving phone contact has my complete understanding.

Your fan.

Answer 8

Being real has been broken down into many things with the youth today. Two years ago while in high shool, I remember how so many people would say, "I'm the realest they get." It's just a notion, I think. The group you want to be in is probably the so called popular group or of that sort. Trust me, being in that group will make you as "fake" as it can get because from what you told me, they only care about self image. Don't even see it as a group. Stick with people that make you smile. Even if everyone in school defines them as losers, at least you can look back and say you had fun. As far as defining yourself, don't try so hard to be cool, normal, or anything. Let it come naturally. Trying so hard will only make you "fake" again. Anyways, modern fashion didn't come from people being normal, cool, sexy, or anything.

Answer 9

First thing you need to do is stop caring so much. The truth is most of this stuff you don't have much control over.

Be as nice as you can to people with out letting them take advantage
tell your self over and over people like you ( even if you don't think it's true)

act on the asumption that you're a great person and people would be crazy not to like who you really are.

Then do your best to be honest about who you really are around everyone.

If someone doesn't like the "real" you then you'll have to figure out if that's your problem or theirs problem. If it's something you did wrong, then you need to make it right ( try to change, apologize) If it's just them then let them not like you and find people who do.

Answer 10

You are the real one out of the people/groups/yourself you talked about. You're pretty much a normal teenager though, most teenagers that aren't in the most popular group, or the group that they want to be in think like that. I personally like to hear about that kind of stuff so I think you should stay an outsider, outsiders are better and more "real" not mindless followers like the rest of everybody (not everybody, but most people).