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Question

I was with a guy for a while then got pregnant and then about 3 months later he tells me he is married. Well he didnt tell me his wife called me. She moved back to her home town and her husband was in the army so he stayed here. I had the baby about a year ago. He signed his rights over to my husband now. Well his wife wants our kids to know each other and i dont think that is a bad idea. I want my daughter to know her brothers and the truth. It is funny to me because my daughters real father wants to know my little girl but i know the only reason is because she is a girl and he already has 2 boys and he always wanted a little girl. How do i go about letting my baby see her brothers and not her dad. I dont think he has a right or a reason to see my little girl. He was the one that signed over his rights. Am i wrong for the way i am thinking! My husband dont have a problem with my one year old seeing her brothers but he dont want her around her real dad. And i dont blame him!

I asked a question like this awhile ago only 2 people answered. I will not let my lil girl go up there on her own i will be with her 24/7 and what do i do about the baby's father's parents wanting to see the baby should i let them or just let her visit her brothers???

The only reason i dont think she should have anything to do with her real father is because he didnt want her he wanted me to have a abortion when i was 3 months! He didnt want me to have the baby because it was going to mess up his already made family. I lefted him right after he told me that and my husband now was there when i had the baby and is always going to be there he sign papers saying he will take care of this baby no matter what! That takes a real man to do that. Me and his wife well about to be ex wife are cool we dont have any problems with each other. He is in iraq right now and my husband leaves for iraq in a month and we wanted to do this together before he has to leave.

I dont understnad why people are telling me i am selfish if i was being selfish i would not let my child around any of them?? I am not understanding why i am being the one blamed for everything. This man steped out on his wife with me. I didnt know he was married if i did i would never have had any contact with him. I am not that type of woman. My child is everything to me and to say he needs to see his child is just wrong he didnt even want this baby I had to stand up and say no matter what u want i am having this kid it has nothin to do with u are ur wife. He has not once after the baby was born called he sent papers and already had them signed. Why would i want my lil girl around a man that didnt give a F*ck about our baby??? He only knows what his wife use to tell him. They dont even talk now i am not going to tell that guy he cant be at his own house. But i will make it clear he is not to be around my child!! I dont want him to hurt my child like he has hurt me and his wife!!

Answer 1

It is very difficult these days in connection with contact for the father of a child, mostly these days fathers have a right of contact with their child even if they are not married to the mother - I have added some web addresses at the bottom for your information and, as you will see it varies for place to place. The law could come down on your ex boyfriends side or yours - just try the following:-
For a first visit Is it not possible for you to arrange some sort of day out for the brothers and your children to be at, without the father being there? that way all the children will be able to get to know each other quite well and it will avoid your daughter actually being in contact with her real dad.

You should immediately contact a lawyer to find out how you stand in this situation before things escalate into him wanting more and you wanting less. A lawyer is far more able to advise you on this than anyone else.
But the day out could be a pointer in your favour!!!
Hope it all works out for you.

Here are some links on contact with children & father;-

http://www.childcontact.com/childcontact.com.htm
http://www.alspac.bristol.ac.uk/press/fathers.shtml
http://ancpr.com/blog/2007/07/16/guardian-judges-get-tough-on-fathers-rights-to-contact-with-children/
http://www.news-medical.net/?id=1887

there are quite a few links if you type in "contact with child by father"

Answer 2

I think that because you're asking the question even though it might not be morally wrong, that you're not ready. IF you were fully comfortable with the idea you wouldn't have to ask anyone. But when you really are ready and even though you're not divorced you have to give your self time to become used to the idea of really being single again. Right now it may feel semi- single but in the back of your head you know that nothing serious can happen until the divorce which maybe what's causing you to wait until every thing is final and than you can date with out worrying about doing something that on some level you might be considering wrong, because you are still technically married. IF the divorce is going to be finalized soon than you should wait you'll feel better and know that you're not compromising your principals

Answer 3

Forget titles like "the baby's daddy" or "her brothers" - the simple point in making any decision about who you will let your child be around is this:

Is the person healthy emotionally, psychologically and does he or she have love for my child and only want the best for her?

If the answer is yes, then I think your child will only GAIN from having many people in her life who all love her and want her to grow up happy and healthy.....even the biological father. Even though he signed away his rights, it doesn't mean your daughter might not actually BENEFIT (especially down the road) from having a good r'ship with her biological father.....that is, if he's interested and not a psycho. A daughter's r'ship with her father and her father figure are incredibly important to her perspective on men and r'ships. If she grows up feeling like or being told that her father "abandoned" her or "gave her up," she could end up with a really damaged self esteem. You and your current husband need to be careful of the wording you choose when speaking about her biological father. She doesn't need to grow up feeling like she has to choose between you and the bio father's family. Instead, you can take this opportunity to just look at it as ADDING great, caring, loving people to her circle. They say "it takes a village to raise a child" and right now, you have people knocking down your door to love your daughter. I'd say that's a pretty great problem to have. No matter what, just think of her first....not just now but her future self. If she asks why you and her daddy aren't together, just say "we had you at a time when we were very young and weren't prepared for everything but we are so happy you are our daughter and you now have so many great people who love you." Goodluck!

Answer 4

you can't have it both ways, Hon......either your husband is the only Daddy or she has contact with her biological father so she knows him....but since he signed over all rights he has absolutely no say in her upbringing or any legal decisions made in her behalf. So he'll have no more rights where she is concerned than an uncle would.

Now, if he insists on being there when she spends time with her half-brothers how can you prevent that? You can't. You can't tell him he can't be in his own home when your daughter is visiting..it's his home,not yours. Now his wife could sneak their boys out of the house to spend time with your little girl, or sneak your girl into his home when he's not there,which I don't advise for that is deception on the wife's part with reguard to her husband...a no no.

So all you can do is invite the wife and the two little boys over to your home but tell the ex he cannot come....for you can't forbid him to be in his own home reguardless of your daughter visiting or not.....and if the offer as such is declined, then thats that....your daughter will have to wait until she and her half-siblings are able to get to know each other without parental involvement/permission...good luck, dear.

Answer 5

Aries,
Honestly and I mean this from my heart and sole and it's not meant to be mean but it will sound mean because it's the truth and sometimes this hurts. Are you still with me? . . . I ask because some times when you tell people that your going to tell them the truth and that they won't like it they just shut down and don't hear after that. It's sort of self preservation I guess.
In reading your question there was one clear and evident fact. You make bad decisions. My advice is for you to find someone that makes good decisions to be your friend or just listen to you and tell you what to do and then you do it weather you want to or not. They make better decisions than you and they can straiten out your life if you let them.
Yahoo Answers is not a substitute, because their are so few smart people percentage wise and the ones here are mixed in with all the idiots.
Lastly if I may advise you, work on improving your decisions. Read books, lots and lots of books, and think about how each decision has consequences down the road.

Answer 6

There is no way I would complicate a child's life like that. If the jerk isn't paying child support and doesn't have a Court Order then I would Strongly suggest you forget the whole mess. Children have ewnough to cope with without dealing with this guy. Think carefully before you start this type of relationship, he has been dishonest, signed off on his rights and has made no attempt to establish visitation......is this the type of man you want your daughter to know as her real father?

Answer 7

It can't hurt to let her get to know her siblings. Since the mother is the one who contacted you, ask her if you can meet her at the park or at some kind of play place where your kids can play with each other but make it known that it will just be her and her boys and not her husband. Tell her that is all you can offer right now and that you hope she understands.
Good Luck.

Answer 8

Listen up! You are wrong! Sorry to say it but you are using frustrations of your /your spouse's life to hold back and shelter your child's future. How silly to want to control something like this, I mean your child is/will be capable of making friends, family, even lovers without you. Families are unique. Half-brother, Half-brother's-sister, no matter what-- a family should know itself. My goodness, do not take advice from people who say "don't complicate the child's life". I have 8 aunts and uncles and over 30 cousins and happily I know them all! I had an uncle who came nearly everyday to my house to be a father to his children (my cousins whom my aunt was to irresponsible to manage) and I benefited! Everyone did. This aunt rarely came to visit, and to this day her children don't respect her and are reluctant to show that they love her. Even though she now lives with the children she abandoned. Your child may not like, love, adore a deadbeat or absent parent but to deny her/him even the chance or to hide the child away---is selfish and tyrannical. I mean you do it only because you can. It is not right. Being a family means (doing anything necessary) to "being a family". What is a family worth if you can just ex-out who you don't like or don't want to see or talk to anymore, like ex-friends or ex-lovers! You may even be denying your child a chance of reconciliation! Calm, step back and think of the (child's) future, otherwise, I weep for your children.

Answer 9

As A single parent of 2, I would forget any plans to have the families meet. The bio-dad aint. He signed off on your daughter. You can't even consider him . Her half brothers and your daughter can meet when they are a lot older and can understand the situation better.

Answer 10

he is the father, i think he has a right to see his daughter....as she has a right to meet her father. maybe he wasnt thinking clearly when he signed over his rights. give him a chance, he might be a good father. what if your daughter grows up and is upset with you because you purposely prevented her from seeing her dad.
let them meet, everything will work out fine. i dont think he has any selfish reasons for wanted to see her....other then she's his daughter and related to him by blood.