My friend's mother just lost her baby to SIDS last week. When we go to the funeral, what should I say? I'm afraid she's going to hear 'I'm so sorry' way too many times..
2007-10-24 11:07:28 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Just simply say "How are you doing" It will reassure her that you are their for her. just a simply hug can be all you need for comfort. Since i just lost a family member and was at the front in the funeral i can definetly tell you she will not be worried about how many times she hears im sorry, she will be"out of it" more than half the time. We all have our own ways of coping and dealing. Just showing up is sometimes even enough.
2007-10-24 11:12:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had my son pass away as a young adult. I also had a friend who lost her baby to SIDS
I can tell you the worst things to say are... He is in a better place. or It was his time to go. or He is no longer suffereing.
Or, you can have other children or He didn't suffer.
All these are horrible things to say to someone who has lost a child. Some of those things might even be true in a way, but it isn't something a parent wants to hear or even think about. It is so trite that it is like belittleing the parents pain.
The best thing to do is to say "I am so sorry" even if it is said many times over.
You can also say something like...."I just can't imagine what you are going through" Actually I still prefer "I am so sorry"
You can say. "you are all in our thoughts and prayers."
Don't say....Call me if you need anything." Because no one in that situation will call , the pain is too huge.
Give them a couple of days and call and say that you just made some dinner and made extra and say what time can I bring it over. Or call and say, hey I am going to the store, do you want to join me?" Even if they say no they at least had a human connection.
Some parents need to talk about who they lost. It makes me depressed when friends just ignore the fact that my son died.
Next question is. "how do you start a conversation?:
Well, give the parent the oppertunity to talk, you can say.
"if you need to talk about baby(his name) I am here for you.
Then they will either talk to you or say something like they can't talk now. Then you say....."ok, I understand"
The direction of the conversation will be up to the parent who lost the child. Loss of a child can be a very private thing. Also there are times when the parent needs to tell the story of what happened that day.. Or then want to talk about the baby and it's short time here. It is best for you to mirror back what the person says. Like..."I hear you, this is impossible for you to digest now"
If you are sensitive as a friend, you will pay attention to what the parents want and don't want to talk about.
2007-10-24 11:25:19 · answer #2 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't say anything, just be there for her. Tell her where ever you can help her, you will be there. People appreciate your presence more than words can express. It shows you are concerned and care about them.
I had a friend that lost her 6 week old baby to that last year. She and her husband had been trying for 3 years to get pregnant. It was amazing how they came out of this because people were there for them and they had faith in God. They now have 3 month old twin boys! What seems devastating to us can be a gift from heaven because God knows each of our time. That was the way my friend expressed it. God bless and good speed with the help she is going to need.
2007-10-24 11:25:02 · answer #3 · answered by Dee D 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's not much you can say besides that. Remember not to say anything about how "I know how you must be feeling". My cousin lost a baby to SIDS and there is not much that can comfort them. This year their brother and his wife's 12 year old son tragically died. Again, no matter what you say nothing can help.
Only time can heal the wounds, but never completely. Just say how sorry you are, and that if they need anything you will be there.
Good luck
2007-10-24 11:11:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get her a sympathy card and put the following website on a little card inside: www.angels4ever.com. This is a site for parents that have lost babies and older children. They have a online memorial wall where they can put their baby's name, the date they were born and the date they passed away. Also, they can create a website and put a link to the website with pictures of their baby. There is also a link to the yahoo groups for pregnancy/infant loss.
Just tell her if she needs anything that you are there for her.
2007-10-24 11:15:56 · answer #5 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've never been really close to anyone who lost their baby to SIDS,but my brother and his wife lost their baby at full term and she was stillborn with the cord around her neck.
It was a really emotional time for our family-especially my brother and his wife of course.
All I could really say was things like:
"how are you doing"
"I'm praying for you"
"Call me if your need to talk"
"I love you guys"
"I'm thinking of you and I'm sorry for your loss"
It is SOO unexpected for anyone to lose a young person (from a car accident,SIDS,stillbirth,murder etc....) and a baby is even more tragic because their life has just begun (or is about to....) and you have no time to say goodbyes etc...
I would just give her a hug and tell her that you are praying for her.
2007-10-24 13:37:56 · answer #6 · answered by calebsmom85 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just say simply I am sorry for your loss. She will be in such a state of shock she won't remember much about the whole ordeal. Just call her in a few weeks when all the shock has begun to wear off and ask if there is anything you can do then.
2007-10-24 11:15:56 · answer #7 · answered by confused by court order 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hugs work wonders and a gentle squeeze to the hand. If you dont want to say anything that you feel might upset her, dont say anything. A sympathetic look and a long, hard hug work wonders. Dont forget to comfort your friend in the same way. Offer to be there if she needs anything, even to talk at 4 am.
2007-10-24 11:14:42 · answer #8 · answered by deblord2002 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
When my mom and grandma passed, it was all the same thing "I'm so sorry. I know how you feel." What especially annoyed me was when people who hadn't lost their mother said that. Really? How could you possibly know how I feel? And even if they had lost their mother, well ... they weren't me. They couldn't possibly know how I was feeling. So try to stay away from that. Just let them know that you're there for them in needed and that you have them in your prayers.
2007-10-24 11:17:14 · answer #9 · answered by copswife134 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sometimes u don't need to say anything.....a genuine hug or tight hand squeeze can go along way. More often than not your presence will be more than enough. IF you feel the need to say something never say u understand what she's goin through(i personally hate when ppl say that) because you don't.
2007-10-24 11:19:17 · answer #10 · answered by Andy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋