I have a 9 year old son who has a "best friend" whom we do not like. This friend is a bad influence and the two of them get in trouble every time they are together. We recently moved and thought that would take care of the problem, but my son has consistently asked me to have his friend spend the night. I have continued to tell him to remind me, which he has not because he goes to his dad's every other weekend. He got me for this weekend. I am allowing this bad influence to spend the night this weekend and my bf is freaking out and mad at me for it. I have talked with my son about how we feel, but at the same time, I realize he's still adjusting and making new friends. Any thoughts on how to handle this?
2007-10-24 10:58:23 · 21 answers · asked by jcsmom1998 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
you never know how's fault it is you can say your son is an angel but he maybe bad and this friend might be a good boy let him stay the night for a night but as this happens check out the boy to see if he is as bad as you think you never know what can happen =]
2007-10-24 11:02:06 · answer #1 · answered by ello_love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My grandson's school just had a Ronald McDonald presentation about character, which included making good choices. Somehow you and the child's father have to get the message across that associating with this boy is a bad choice without badmouthing the child. Maybe you can start off by citing some good choices and some bad choices--bad choices being some of the trouble the boys have gotten into when they associate and the consequences. I'm sure you can also identify a lot of good choices--playing on the soccer team because it provides exercise, teaches team work, fair play. Be positive, not negative. It sure is not easy. Somehow you have to make the light come on. Good luck.
2007-10-24 11:08:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was younger, I had a very good friend. We both grew up, but she eventually gained another friend. She was a terrible influence, but her parents did nothing. For years, my friend became what her bad friend stood for. Eventually she realized that her friend was a bad influence, but by then it was too late, and her friend had already changed her life forever.
I don't say this to scare you. You see, for your son, its going to be hard to explain why. Excuses aren't going to work. You need to get down to the point, and break it to him that he cant see his friend anymore.
The sooner the better. If hes at a new school, he may become more clingy to his old friend, rather than make new ones. This is the last thing you want.
If you're still unsure, take out a piece of paper. Make a line down it. Right on the left side, good, on the right side bad. Think of all the possibilities for your son seeing his friend for each. Eventually you'll see that my answer is proven. If not, it is still your disgression. Good luck!
2007-10-24 11:06:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have four kids. I know how tough this situation is, I've been there myself, several times!
The best you can do is make sure your son has a variety of friends. If this bad kid comes over this weekend, then it has to be a different friend next weekend. and so on.
Set the ground rules for this "bad" kid. Let the bad kid know about certain rules and behaviors that you do not approve of. If he breaks the rules, then he can't come over again for a while. Remember, no child is perfect. If you disaprove of this child's behavior, chances are his parents might disaprove of your childs behavior too.
2007-10-24 11:04:21 · answer #4 · answered by Beth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have your son's best interest at heart, sometimes you have to do things he may not like. If the friend is a bad influence, your son needs to be a better influence on the friend; or give up the friendship.
2007-10-24 11:02:10 · answer #5 · answered by hopflower 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Our son is an adult with a 7 year old of his own. When he was young and would want to be with other boys I did not approve of, his response would be. "Mom, maybe I will be a good influence on him". How do you argue with that?
I am happy to say our son grew into a totally responsible adult. He just called earlier to tell me his daughter lied and threatened to fight in school today. Her teacher called.
I almost laughed out loud, so we recapped disciplines.
If I were in your position, when the boy comes over. Explain your household rules and that you expect him to follow them.
Maybe at his house they just do not have good rules and guidelines. Speak to his parents about what is expected and that you will have to call them if he cannot follow your home rules.
Good luck this sounds all too familiar.
2007-10-24 11:07:31 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes boys get in trouble.
How sure are you that it's this kids fault?
Me and my mate used to get in trouble and my Mum thought that my mate was a bad influence.
Do you know the ironic thing... His mum thought I was the bad influence.
The fact was, neither of us was the single bad influence, and we were good kids. But we were young boys and egging each other on, getting more daring as boys do, and got in toruble once or twice for it.
I'm 24 now and I like to think I'm a responsible, law-abiding, concienscious guy. I would suggest inviting this kid round to stay a couple of times, keping an eye on them but leaving them to it... judge then wether you think the kid is really bad or wether they are just a pair of young lads egging each other on.
If you start choosing your son's friends for him he will not thank you for it when he's a teenager.
2007-10-24 11:06:30 · answer #7 · answered by Stupot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This from someone who doesn't have many friends and spends most of his time at home alone. Keep him on a leash, but a long one. Keep an eye on the sort of things he gets into trouble about. At 9 there isn't much he can really do to do serious trouble. Again, make sure to give him leeway or else it will just make your life and his harder.
2007-10-24 11:07:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well as long as your are setting his mind straight and making sure he knows whats right from wrong you shouldnt be worried. Also be sure to let him know of all the consequences of doing wrong, If he is ever to do something bad you let him deal with it while at the same time making sure he deals with it the right way(Example: He gets caught stealing, Dont pay for his crime make him do some community hours or something) Growing up ive had lots of "Ghetto" Or "Bad Influence" Friends and im doing fine. In the end it all comes down to the parenting in my opinion.
2007-10-24 11:07:13 · answer #9 · answered by Jav 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try this sit both boys down and say something like-you guys seem to get into a lot of trouble and cause a lot of mischief when you are together. WE have decided that if theres any trouble this time ourson will not be allowed to have you over and he will not be allowed to come to your house anymore. This is your one chance to prove you can be friemds without stirring up trouble. that way it doesnt really point out to the other child your harsh feelings, but puts him in a position because he evidentally likes your son
2007-10-24 11:05:51 · answer #10 · answered by child4jc74 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is the friend a bad influence? It depends on the situation. Maybe sitting down with your child and spefically talking about good and bad things about his friend so he understands why there is a problem. If the cognitive approach doesn't work, maybe try putting him in activities or groups to make friends in the area and "forget" about the old friend.
2007-10-24 11:04:20 · answer #11 · answered by roadrunner019 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋